We’ve been taking care of our 16 year old nephew since early October. We are trying our best to do right by him, including encouraging him to have a decent relationship with his mom– my hubby’s sister.
We encouraged him to reach out to her to spend some time with her over the holiday break. I wasn’t sure if he would– but he did, and I was proud of him for doing so. He went to my in-laws on Wednesday afternoon to spend time with them, his mom and his brother and sister making pies for Thursday. They called us around 8:00 to tell us that he would be staying the night at his mom’s. We were excited for him to be spending time over there.
It ended quickly. I don’t know all what happened, but my sister-in-law drank to the point of becoming psycho. Her blood sugar was over 500 (she is diabetic). 911 was called, and because she has a history of being combative, they automatically sent cops. My in-laws got the kids and my nephew came back to our house before 11pm. So much for that idea! I’ve been on a super early schedule, so I was fast asleep when it all went down. My biggest worry when I woke up and told me was that my nephew probably thinks it’s his fault and how do we help him understand that it’s not?
My diabetic sister-in-law spent Thanksgiving in the hospital, and my mother-in-law was ANGRY.
She was ANGRY at my nephew. He shouldn’t have locked himself in his room when he got to his mom’s. This stressed her out and it’s his fault.
She was ANGRY at SIL’s doctor. He changed her insulin to one made in China, and now she’s having a hard time controlling her blood sugar. Never mind that she has never, ever, has been able to control her blood sugar and has been in the hospital with the same condition countless times before.
She was ANGRY at a lot of other people for a lot of unimportant things.
The only person she seemed to not be angry at is my SIL.
I was proud of myself, I spoke up. I told my MIL some truths. Like “She needs to be a parent instead of locking herself in her room and drinking.” And when MIL was crying that the little had to read a book about “I love my daddy” and that’s why she’s not improving her reading skills (her daddy is in jail and not coming back) and that reading it caused her to regress and have emotional breakdowns, I told her “She has to find a way to help the kids deal with this. They aren’t the only kids who lost a parent but she is going to have to address it with them.”
What I wanted to say was STOP blaming every single external stimulus out there. In retrospect, I think everything I said fell on totally deaf ears– I don’t even think a seed was planted. But it was good for my peace of mind. And looking back, and judging by how I feel this morning, maybe I just need to not associate with them at all.
I’m not sure that I will make it over there on Christmas Day. I might wake up with the flu. I don’t know, I do know that at this point in time I am putting my mental health first- but BOY this seems to be testing HARD with every family party we go to. When that time comes, I am going to listen to my soul.
I literally want to do nothing but cry right now. I’ve been running hard and intend on soaking my treadmill later with more than sweat. It’ll be so therapeutic and good though, I can’t wait. I need more positive outlets, especially with the hard year of lessons approaching.
Ironically, my best friend who I had a falling out with (sort of) last weekend finally messaged me back. Well, I sent her a happy thanksgiving post in the morning and she finally texted me back last night. Yesterday, her 12 year old niece got dropped off and will probably be staying with her long term. Almost the IDENTICAL situation as me and my nephew. Even the niece’s mom and grandma are so mad at the niece, blaming her for everything, while she cleans and takes care of her little brother. My BFF says that the niece has always been good for her (I know the niece, she’s friends with my kids and have known each other their whole lives, she’s a sweet girl– always has been). The nieces mom drinks constantly and now my friend is worried about her little brother– similar to me worrying about my SIL’s little ones. WTF is wrong with everyone??????? Is it just my circle???? How do I escape????
While I trudge through the mud, I’ll be looking forward to the big and beautiful lotus.