2020 is Epic

As far as this pandemic goes, things appear to be looking up. We are so lucky (so far). We had a couple of make-shift overflow hospitals constructed and I don’t even think they had to be used. I haven’t lost anyone that I personally know to COVID, yet. My little family has stayed home and healthy. The boys have now been home for 9 weeks.

All three boys have taken this very well, but I think they are starting to crack. Will told me the other day that he had a dream that he was back at school and it was so weird to be back. I asked him if it made him happy to be back, and he said yes, and that made me sad for him. Andrew told me yesterday that he is not even looking forward to summer break. He’d rather just go back to school, instead of being off for six months, which is a very long time. A few weeks ago, Anthony, the oldest, told me that he is thriving in quarantine. I am happy for him, and recent conversations revealed that he isn’t necessarily thriving at the moment, but he is totally ok with continuing to stay home- which is good but does make me question his sanity a bit.

Our stay at home order is supposed to end in about a week. I am hoping that restaurants and stores open back up (but will operate at 25-50% capacity). I feel like it’s already ended. In the beginning there was very little traffic, but now our roads seem normal. It was nice because at first, I could take a walk and cross 10 mile at the end of the street, but now there’s too much traffic it’s best to cross at the light. I kind of liked it when the roads were deserted as I walked at lunch.

Two days ago we got A LOT of rain. There was a lot of flooding in Tawas and Midland and surrounding areas. I think Midland was really bad because two dams broke. An entire lake was emptied and I can’t even comprehend it. Debbie says that the man who owned the dams was a big jerk who harrassed lakefront home owners. He lowered the lake levels so it would be unusable, but was ordered to put the lake back last spring. I feel bad for the lakefront homeowners. I hope that man is held liable, but I’m not sure he will because he sold the dams last year. They had been in awful working order and needing repairs for years, allegedly.

Debbie and her family are all dry and safe, but I can tell that this has shaken them up a bit, being so close. And to top it off, a huge landmark and feed store right by them burned down a few nights ago. It seems like there is turmoil all over, it’s crazy.

This is kind of a sad week. Tomorrow should be Red, White and Blue Day at Oak Ridge, a huge community event. I love this day, mainly because the kids get so excited about it.

I’ll never forget the day I subbed for kindergarten just about exactly 4 years ago. It was a warm sunny day in May and the little ones had just begun their afternoon work. Someone started singing. Then they all chimed in. All were singing one of the Red, White and Blue day songs, it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. But that kind of tells you how special this entire day is for us. In fact, people from all over start setting up chairs in the morning to save a spot for the parade. The parade is fun, marching around with kids and waving our little flags. It’s a big and beautiful ceremony, honoring our veterans.

Tomorrow is also Jules’ 6th birthday! I can’t help my mind from thinking how wonderful tomorrow should be. I would have probably taken Jules to daycare before work, giving him a special day, and would have excitedly driven to work eager for the festivities. Oh well. I’m pretty happy at home, but it is all just very sad and doesn’t seem right.

Just a couple more things.. since this weekend is Memorial Day weekend, it is time to fill the pool! I can’t even believe it- mainly because it feels like we are stuck in March. It doesn’t seem like summer should be here yet..

Lastly, my short story about “after the pandemic” is about done, it should get published in a book titled Six Feet from Tomorrow. I needed a cover for my story, Hubby made it for me. It was WAY different from my vision of it, but after I warmed up to it I really like it! It’s quite different from many of the other covers in the book, but I think that might be a good thing. Here is the cover, along with the picture that made it happen, haha!!

It’s HILARIOUS!! Mainly because the character eats the little dog, and my cover model is Dave and Sasha which cracks me up. I don’t know why, but we could all use more laughs these days, so I’m not going to question it.  This entire debacle (the story line, the photo and cover) has resulted in many much needed laughs around my house.  We need to keep creating funny things 🙂

Alright. My right hand has been in an awful flare lately, and it’s killing me to type, so I have to stop.

Peace, Love and Happiness <3

#Day421

Sadness

Today it feels like day 300 of quarantine.  It feels like a million years since we’ve been in school, yet it seems like yesterday.  Today I am filled with sadness, oddly accompanied by higher vibes than a sad day would normally bring me.  I don’t know why this is, perhaps I am accepting the changes that are inevitably ahead.

I’m sad for the kids right now.  Some of them are fine, like mine.  I have my 11-year-old and 17-year-old plus my 16-year-old nephew.  All three boys have not mourned school, and deny missing it at all.  The older boys are both Juniors, and I have to say that if this had happened in my Junior year, I would have celebrated for DAYS and praised the Lord for his amazing gift of a never ending snow day.  Being the underachieving and uninvolved high school student, I get it.  Luckily for me, these boys have it more together than I did and are keeping up on their studies at home.  My 11 year old gets all of his work on Monday for the week.  He likes to try to get it all done before Friday so he can have a long weekend.  I am so grateful that we are ok in this area.

Some kids are not fine.  School is an escape, in some instances, their only escape.  What about those kids?  Some kids have parents who are essential workers with long hours.  Older siblings have to take charge of the household, all while managing their studies as well as supervising any siblings, essentially becoming a homeschool teacher.  And some, like one of my 2nd graders, has a fine home life, but is still having a lot of emotional struggles due to school closing suddenly and everything getting cancelled.

And I wonder how they will be in the fall.  And I am prepared, mentally, for additional challenges that we will all face.  Maybe, just maybe, we’ll have a little bit more support for these kiddos, such as a social worker who is at our school for more than a day and a half per week (the half day that she is there is usually filled with meetings, so she really only is able to see kids for one full day).  We have many students who have gone through or going through extra tough times (like being put in foster care and changing schools- or losing a parent, that’s not all that uncommon, sadly), and have often said that we should have a social worker everyday, we sure could use one!

Then I watch the news and listen to the cuts to education they are proposing.  The biggest cut they have made in previous years was 7%.  Now politicians are talking about a 20-25% cut in funding- about $2,000 per student.

That is 1/4.  One fourth.

Data shows my district had 5000 kids in 2017-2018.  That would be a $10,000,000 loss for my district alone. What are they going to do, have elementary classrooms with 50 kids?  Will my caseload double?  Will we even have a social worker at all? I am an academic support teacher, who helps students with reading or math.  Will they cut my job?  Or will they just cut a bunch of jobs and go fully online?

If you’ve worked in a school, you probably get it.  I work in a fairly wealthy district, one that has often made the top ten ranking in our state.  However, even in this district, we have great challenges.  For one thing, the students who come in each year seem more and more needy and challenged.  It is common for Kindergarten teachers to get a huge variety of skill sets with each new class.  Some kids can’t hold a pencil or sit still for a minute, while others are reading full books.  (If you are a Kindergarten teacher– KUDOS to you, I don’t know how you do it).

Upper elementary teachers don’t have it much easier.  We have many students who are integrated into the general education class who have tremendous learning differences.  Some are reading 2-3 years below grade level.  These kids need a lot of support, including an adult available to read things to them or chunk up large assignments, plus the teachers need to adapt their lessons.  Typically, we don’t have enough support to go around for all of the kids who need it, but we do the best we can, it can be difficult though.

I can’t image cutting what we have in fourths.  Hopefully it doesn’t happened, some say it’s just Republicans trying to scare our governor who is heavy on the quarantine orders.  But I can’t say it’s not on my mind– and makes me devastated and furious at the same time.  I’m already feeling so unsure and anxious about the next school year, this just amplifies it.

I’m not sad for me, I can change my career, although I would truly miss working with students on a daily basis.  But mainly, I’m sad for this generation of kids who we will be failing if we take more from the already sparse educational plate.

I’m trying to let it go.  But I have monkey mind and it’s hard not to at least wonder what the future holds- but I know that worrying about it won’t make a difference.

That psychic from last November sure had it right!  The lessons won’t stop coming this year.  She also said that the next three years will be magnificent, so..


This has been a decent week, overall.  I was pretty productive for the most part, until today.  Today it was dark and dreary, rainy and stormy.  I had a pretty lazy morning that consisted mainly of connecting to friends/family – which can feel lazy if you’re just texting, but it was more than that today, and I think I needed it.  I talked to a few people from work about certain kids we share and I think all of the connecting helped my vibes stay higher.  I didn’t mind the stormy weather, it was nice and feels like a good excuse to be lazy.  I put off a shower, but took a nice long bath in the afternoon.

And some very exciting news!  We are the proud owners of a new stove, woohoo!!!  Ours has been not working right for awhile now, so we’ve been keeping our eye out and found a good one I hope. It’s getting delivered tomorrow morning and I’m so excited!  It is nicer than ours, it is a convection oven and has an air fryer built in.  I will be doing lots of cooking this weekend.

The End

#Day414

A Better Way

Each day
was the same
Until it was
not
One day
Children stopped
Going to school
People stopped
Gathering
Parties cancelled
Weddings postponed
All over
the world
people stayed home
and wore
a mask
when out
Stores closed
Sports games cancelled
Factories suspended
Outside was silent
Not dissimilar to
A cold
winter’s spell
Only it wasn’t
cold
And it wasn’t
winter
Birds chirped
Flowers blossomed
Trees bloomed
Babies frolicked
Frogs sang
The people were
still
And the planet
mended
Smog disappeared
And the
people sang
from their
living room
To an audience
in their
living room
And the people
had parades
in their cars
to celebrate
birthdays
They decorated
their windows
With rainbows
and made colorful
Masks for
other people
Days were joyous
until the people
and the planet
healed

Day 400, Gratitude & Regrets

When I first stopped drinking, I had some big regrets for a long time. One of the biggest one was feeling like I failed my youngest. I was a normal drinker when my oldest was young, but was in the midst of alcoholism during the time I had my youngest (did not drink while pregnant, but started again right after).

I felt awful for a long time, especially comparing myself to young women sobering up before settling down or while their kids were still little. As a side note, we should not compare ourselves to anyone, ever.

After quitting drinking, I saw how much closer my youngest was to my hubby than me. They were way more bonded, from years of my hubby actively being there, while I was drinking every night passed out many nights before tucking him in.

It killed me a little inside, knowing that I couldn’t go back and change things.

After a few years, much soul work and getting my mental state working properly, I focused more on the things I had going for me, not the regrets.

I’ve been so grateful this week for the time I’ve had with my youngest during this quarantine. We’ve played card games, video games, had good discussions, made delicious food together and a lot of laughs. I realized that he and I are more alike than I ever knew. And many times he turns to me, instead of it always being my hubby.

He listens when I talk about the Universe and always excitedly tells me when it’s 11:11, 1:11, 2:22, etc– or when the Universe gives us a sign. And I love it, because my hubby and other son are NOT universe fans, lol.

You know what I don’t have? Regrets. I was thinking this morning that my experience would probably be much different if I had drank after my one year anniversary. I am 100% sure that I would not be cherishing this time like I am now. I am so grateful for sobriety.

#Day400

The Death of Should

Many of my teacher friends are embracing this idea of online education. They have cute home offices, perfect camera set ups for lessons, etc.

I’m not feeling it at all, we SHOULD be at school!

I’m feeling annoyed and sad, which I tend to do when things don’t turn out the way they SHOULD.

I always seem to get in a tizzy when things aren’t the way they SHOULD be.


I also get super down when I don’t do the things I know I SHOULD be doing.

Today I’m burying SHOULD into the ground 💒⚰️🪓

Thank you, you horrendous word, for always keeping me cautious and on my toes. You are no longer of service to me. Be gone. 🙅🏼‍♀️

The Opportunistic Alcoholic Voice

Thursday April 2 was a great day for the most part.  This was the day (from my previous post) that I had a spiritual walk and a blissful day.

I was cleaning up the kitchen with my nephew and instructed him to clean the stove.  I was seasoning an iron pan and had just turned one of the gas burners off so I told him to be very careful, that burner was still very hot.  In the next instance, I noticed him cleaning around the grates on one of the other burners.  I zoomed over there to show him how to lift up the grates to clean underneath, when without even thinking I grabbed the hot grate.

OUCH!!

It wasn’t too bad, fortunately, but it did hurt and blister.  Truthfully, it was ok the whole evening as long as I kept something cool or cold on it.  The minute I removed cooless, my skin would burn like the pit of hell.

I went to Walgreens for burn cream and wrap.  Sadly, it didn’t help the pain and I had to wash it off and put ice on it because it was still burning to high heaven.

I was so worried about being able to sleep, would I have to sleep with my hand in a bucket of ice?

In the past, it wouldn’t be a problem, I would drink a bottle of vodka and pass out fast.  But that wasn’t an option.  And I’ve quit my vape/weed pen, so that wasn’t an option either.  I was on like day 4 and didn’t want to start over– plus I really didn’t think it would be strong enough to help-it is so mild.

I thought of my sister-in-law, knowing she had a broken ankle and some other things in the past and I thought had a collection of drugs that just sits in her cabinet, so I sent her a message.

She is a godsend!

I drove over there and she gave me a bag of goodies.  Two Rx painkillers that happened to be about 6 years expired.  She was so kind, she also gave me manuka honey, bandages and gauze.

I thought that it was ironic that I couldn’t drink or do pot, but could do the other  harsh drugs without any consequence.

I knew not to mix them, and looked them up to see which one I should take.  I took 1 pill, then 2 the maximum dose.  I felt a little light and giggly, but it didn’t knock me out like I expected.  In fact, a couple hours later I got up and took Benadryl to help me sleep.  The pain was a little better but I was wide awake.  Eventually, I did sleep ok, and my hand looked and felt a bit better the next day.

But I didn’t bring the drugs back.  I was curious.  The next day, I tried the other one just to see what it felt like.  I wasn’t impressed, but maybe because they were 6 years expired.

My mind was doing a lot of thinking about those pill bottles in the Bath and Body Works bag she sent them in.

I thought about taking some and keeping them, just in case I wanted or needed them later.  I wondered if her and my brother-in-law counted the pills before sending them over.  I even thought about exaggerating the burn so that I would be justified in taking more than I actually needed.  As the next day went on, I was almost obsessively thinking about them, it didn’t even matter that they really weren’t effective at all, it was the idea I guess.

Why?

My addiction is looking for any opportunity to get out of my head and my body.  Picking up drugs for a burn triggered it.  I should also add that both medication is known to be addictive, so hoarding multiple doses is a recipe for disaster.

The following day, hubby and I took a bike ride and I took the drugs back.  I was happy to get rid of them, my mind could now be free, and it was.

It’s now been a few days, and I’m not addicted to those drugs.  I haven’t even given it a thought, but do realize that I need to be very careful.

That Besty, my inner alcoholic is an opportunistic BEAST!

Be the Light

4/5/20

This past week has been a powerful week for me, personally.  At the beginning, I was just climbing out of the funk I was in for two weeks after life changed completely.  It wasn’t an awful funk, I was able to maintain my workouts and be pretty productive, but couldn’t shake the feeling of grief and fear I had in the back of my mind.  Uncertainty.  No shortage of it anywhere.

I feel so lucky to have gone through recovery from addiction, it is sure helping me navigate these muddy waters!

There was a time when I didn’t feel so lucky.  I had a day 1, and 2 and 3 and so forth and I felt so good.  Inevitably, after 10 days or so my addictive voice would start to make noise.  And for whatever reasons (boredom, stress, anger, denial that I really cared or wanted sobriety, you name it).  Then I would drink, and again the next night and the next, till I was able to stop again.. for 10, 11 sometimes 12 days, then back at it.  It was an endless cycle that left me questioning why all the time.  Occasionally, I would rack up 30, 40 or sometimes even more days, but when life got difficult I would always find myself heavy in a relapse.  What was the purpose of doing this over and over again?  Why is God putting me through this?

Fast forward to 2020.  I’m approaching my year anniversary of not drinking and the entire world is in chaos.  My addiction sees this as a grand opportunity.  Why not drink after that year?  Why NOT?

Because stopping is really hard.  Ironically, once you stop for awhile and then pick back up, stopping a second or third time seems more difficult.  I don’t think this has been scientifically proven, but it’s an observation that my sober circles and I have clung onto.  I’ve experienced this same phenomenon, and quite frankly, I’m terrified of being back in that cycle– but honestly I had two voices in my head, this voice of reason and then Betsy (my addictive voice).

On my year of no alcohol date, hubby brought me home a card and chocolates.  The card had a “You made it to a new level, I’m so proud of you” message.  Do you know what I asked him after reading the card?

“If I start drinking, do I go down one level, or do I go all the way down to the bottom?”

I honestly don’t even know why I asked such a ridiculous question, or what his response was.  I had mentioned it a few times to everyone in my life in the days leading up.  I wanted  all my close ones to be prepared if I relapsed.

I didn’t have a strong urge to run out the next day and get alcohol, and as the days passed and soon I was at like 370 days of sobriety, I realized the utter ridiculousness of my prior thinking.  It was Betsey and her antics.  Even though I hear from her very minimal these days, she took a grand opportunity to try to get me.  And she almost did!  This is a real life example of the saying, “While you are working your recovery, your addiction is doing pushups.”

Now, I can see the whys.  You bet your bottom I will be eternally grateful for all the restarts and relapses I dragged my rugged soul through!  I wholeheartedly believe that those are the #1 (and maybe the ONLY) reason why I was able to shut up my addictive voice when she was oh so conniving and convincing. Any weaker, and I’m pretty sure I would have caved.  In the days leading up to my one year no alcohol anniversary, I was being very kind and gentle with myself given the worldly situation, and honestly didn’t know until the day came and went if I would relapse.

The week after, I felt more content than ever having rode out that wave.  I can’t even imagine where I would be right now and how I would be feeling if I had started drinking.  I’m sure I would still be nightly drinking, maybe some day drinking too with being home all the time.  Life would be black and miserable, whereas right now it is so harmonious, yes I feel harmonious staying safe at home even with what is going on in the world.  

Which brings me to the title of this post.

I took a walk a few days ago and passed a neighbor who I didn’t recognize.  I moved to the other side of the street as we passed to respect the 6 ft distancing suggestion.

Let me just say that people out and about walking and riding their bikes have been weird these days.  Kind of unfriendly, but it’s more of like “I’m going to look down and not acknowledge you because I’m not really sure if I should be out here right now.” type of thing.  It’s not intentional rudeness, it’s fear.  Everyone is filled with fear right now.

As I passed this woman, we gave a nod and a small wave, she looked down and sad.  I wanted to say, “Hey, it’s alright.  Everything is going to be alright.”

After I thought that, I got teary eyed and emotional.  I’ve learned to pay attention to those times, they are meaningful.  I instantly felt so grateful for my recovery and growth and had a feeling that I needed to be a light for people.

As I walked on, I realized that I forgot a grocery bag for picking up my dog’s poop.   He always poops and it’s big horse poop too so I immediately felt awful.  I was too far to go back for a bag, so I asked the Universe for a bag.

I don’t ask the Universe for much, and try to thank her for every sign and good fortune that comes my way.  Gabby Bernstein always says to ask and you shall receive and it will be immediate, so I thought this is a good trial.  I just needed something that I could use to clean it up– an old chip bag or grocery bag,  please Universe.   On my walks, it’s not uncommon to find some trash here or there in the ditch, so this request was not far fetched.  Not long after, I came across an unused, actual poop bag on the sidewalk.  I was floored!  The Universe had my back and this walk was so just therapeutic in so many ways.  I felt incredible afterwards.  As if on cue, Jules pooped minutes after finding that bag.

The next day I walked again and on this day the sun was shining brightly, whereas we had just had a stretch of rainy/cloudy days.

I passed two neighbor friends, both were their normal jolly selves, which felt so good.  I felt so blissful as I walked and slightly guilty for feeling such joy when the world was coming undone.

Meanwhile I’m reading and practicing the Lotus and the Lily book, and almost to the end.  A few days prior I was supposed to think about and name the upcoming year.  I had a few ideas, but none really resonated.   The book says to keep paying attention and the right name will come.  After that feeling of Be the light, I think I have my title!

I am going to work really hard to live each day with love not fear.  I will repel negative messages with positive ones and will do my best to spread light and love.  So many people need it right now.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go on social media for a few minutes.  I’m in many different Facebook groups (gardening, rheumatoid arthritis, recovery, writing, local community groups, etc) and have noticed so much negativity lately, even in the normally nice groups, it is unreal.  After Trump was elected president, I didn’t think any more division was possible.  But this pandemic has made it happen.  People have such extreme beliefs and can’t see any other point of view.  It’s almost more difficult than the pandemic itself.

I hope you all are able to find your happiness at this time.  It is truly a horrific time for many, particularly those who are in the healthcare field or who have essential jobs.

If you are struggling, try to find the light.

If you are good, be the light.

Light and Love <3

 

Psychics

Psychics– do you love them or hate them?  Hubs calls them a “gimmick.”  “They just play off you, and take advantage of you.” he always says.

In January 2019 I attended “Supper with the Spirits” with a few others.  This was a meal in a room with about 100 people or so.  The local psychic, Kristy Robinet, would give us readings with anyone who visited from beyond the heavens while we ate.  Only problem was that I didn’t get the memo to invite my dead relatives, so when Kristy came to our table, they didn’t show up.

In November 2019 I attended a psychic fair where I knew I would be able to score a one-on-one reading.  I was really excited and pumped for the reading-besides the Supper with the Spirits, I had never interacted with a psychic before, so I was stoked!  2019 had been a great year so far, with so much growth, good growth in many different ways, and by this time I was around 8 months sober.  I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say, I had high hopes for 2020!

Basically, the reading was spot on about 2019 but had some pretty dark things to say about 2020.  It was going to be a year of lessons for me (according to my birth date and fact that I am an 11, not sure what that means).  When I asked if this was pretty telling that it would be a difficult year, she replied, “Yes.” She also saw a lot of money around me and our money situation would completely flip this year.  I don’t know what this means for us. It could mean we come into a lot of money–or it could mean that we lose everything we have. There would also be a split involved, not necessarily with my relationship, could be a split in the way things are vs. the way they used to be.   Lastly, she said that I would have a career change and would be in a caregiving role. One last thing, the hanging man was one of my Tarot cards and she said I’d be hanging around for awhile–not able to do anything, just going with it, be patient and wait it out. On the upside, she did say that because of my number, the next three years will be great years.  

None of this was what I signed up for!  I had worked my butt off and was finally seeing some benefits.  I had some really high hopes for 2020. I didn’t want my money situation to change and I certainly didn’t want to lose my job.   A split didn’t sound wonderful, and neither did a year full of lessons. I whined about this for awhile, but people really didn’t seem to care.  This reading bothered me though, and still does. 

Around Thanksgiving I had a great idea to write a handbook called “2020: Surviving in a World of Chaos” (or something like that).  I thought it would help me plan and cope and also would satisfy a bucket list item of 2019 (publishing a book). Sadly, this never happened.  I can’t help but think it could be a bestseller with the current world climate.

Fast forward to 2020, end of January.  It wasn’t an awful month. A few small things happened, my grad class was super annoying and a ton of work, it was long, January always is, but it was ok and at the end, I thought ok, you are 1/12 of the way through.

February was a better month.  The weather was warming up a bit and even though it was a leap year, the month does not seem like 100 years like January.  I took that trip to Florida and our plane didn’t even crash. The trip was difficult at times, and I was around alcohol WAY too much, but I didn’t drink and felt proud and happy to get home to my safety zone.  Before I knew it, it was March and I could exhale deeply knowing I was now 1/6 of the way through this year. 

Then there was March.  I had high expectations for March.  I was to celebrate 1 year of vegetarianism, 1 year of no alcohol, and me and my oldest’s birthdays– it was going to be a festive month indeed!  

On Monday March 9, my boys were all at their scout meeting in the evening.  I was tinkering around the living room when I came across a book jammed into my bookshelf by the well known psychic Sylvia Brown, titled Prophecy.  I picked it up only because by now the Coronavirus had become a pandemic and was the talk of the world.  Interestingly enough, Sylvia had predicted a similar pandemic outbreak that would occur in 2020 in another book she wrote– I knew this because it was popping up all over my social media sites by then.  I had even forgotten that I had this book! I was really excited and started to flip through it, interested to see what other kinds of things she had predicted.

The education section really drew me in.  

 

This page was particularly intriguing.  I eagerly turned it to see what was in store for us educators.  What I read was laughable to me, I think I actually laughed out loud.  It was so far fetched. It talked about online learning, which was so amusing to me because it seemed so far out there. I thought of the teachers I worked with and how none of them would probably ever want or be able to teach online (including me) and just how far off she was on this.  What a joke!

That was on 3/9.  On 3/10, Michigan saw its first Corona case.  On 3/11 my colleagues and I met with our director.  She was called out by the superintendent to be informed about a call with the Department of Education that she would need to be a part of regarding the virus.  At the end of our meeting we talked briefly about what we would do in the event of a lengthy school closure and I mentioned Zoom meetings (virtual) because suddenly (and it seemed to happen overnight) that was the new “thing.”  She looked at me cross eyed, I don’t think she had ever Zoomed before (I, admittingly, knew the virtual meeting program from attending recovery meetings over the past couple years). By 3/13 the governor had closed schools for 3 weeks.  I was absolutely shocked, but not so much by the 3 week school closure. 

I was shocked at the events that unfolded after I read that book, and scoffed at the idea of online public education.  Day by day, more and more, schools around the country were going online. I’m in teacher Facebook groups with people from around the country and also have a lot of personal friends who teach in districts in MI other than mine.  Therefore, some folks are ahead of us here, but nevertheless, everyone is suddenly having Zoom meetings (well, my district is doing google hangouts, but same idea). Our special ed department had one last Friday and I couldn’t help remember that last encounter with my director.  Also, many teachers have already begun teaching online. 

My fear has been working overtime.  Most everyone knows that school is not just a place, not just a building to heat and furnish.  School is SO much more than academics.  

I’m not sure that most of the politicians and legislators know this though.  We are now looking at finishing the last ¼ of the school year in the comfort of our homes.  So, moving forward, WHY bother to pay for and have schools, principals and secretaries and a bazillion staff when you can do away with that?  Some say that is far fetched. I wish I hadn’t read that Sylvia Book, I would not be this worried.

I often wonder if I was meant to find and read that book, and why.  It was insane how crazy it seemed but then education changed instantaneously.  And I WISH that I could have known that 2020 wouldn’t just be a year of lessons for me, but for the world.  Woah!

Well folks, I think I’m done with psychics for awhile.  I think I’m better off not knowing what the future holds.

One Year Alcohol Free and an Important Lesson

March 28. 2020

Last year this day was rotten.  It was my last Day 1.  I won’t bore you with the details again, but it was pretty awful.

I had big plans for this day!  For one thing, the title of this blog was going to be “The End.”  I had planned on ending this blog, as it has just been dragging on and on for years.

I also planned on being alone today, for the whole day.  My boys had a Boy Scout trip and were going to be gone for the whole weekend.

I planned on being on Day 30 in the Lotus and the Lily book, and doing my Soul Day today.  I was going to be grand!  I was going to wake up and fast and spend time outdoors with my dog and do my mandala while setting some awesome intentions!  Then as the evening approaches I was going to get some delicious food and eat and watch some chick flick or stupid movie.

If you would have talked to me about relapsing a few weeks ago, on my 1-year anniversary, I would have hushed you quickly.  I wouldn’t have even humored it, not for a minute.  Why on earth would I do that?  After all I was having the time of my life without alcohol!

That was before this Coronavirus and before lock downs and the school closures.  That was before the stress of not knowing if I’ll have a job to get back to– or if Sylvia Brown’s prediction of all learning going online was going to come true.  That was a lifetime ago.

Laura McKowen posted about how this new world is a whole lot like being in early sobriety.  Man oh man is that true!  I don’t even remember when Betsy (my alcoholic voice) first started piping up (she actually shut up for awhile there) but of course, with the excuse of my one year plus this pandemic she actually had me convinced to drink today.

Am I going to?  I don’t think so.  I’m not drinking at this moment, nor do I want to.  Tonight?  I don’t think so, but who knows.

This was an important lesson to learn. It doesn’t matter if you have an hour alcohol free or, or a day, or a year. It truly doesn’t, we are all one sip away from a drink. A few short weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world, especially with the approaching 1 year date coming. I thought after today I would be able to better myself even further.

But instead I have spent the past week pretty much planning for a relapse after today. So what did I learn in a year’s time? Nothing??? It would appear so! I guess what I’m saying is that we are all one sip away. It doesn’t matter if you have 10 years, or 10 minutes, and we can all choose to be sober for today- or for this moment. We all need to find a program that works for us- and to work it, especially during the tough times <3