More Good Stuff

Sunday here– and fabulous one at that!  What a great weekend it’s been!

If one pic sums up the weekend, this would be it:

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Ok– it wasn’t all lazy, but it was filled with comfort and joy 🙂

Friday night I skipped out on an after school work retirement get together.  This caused me a lot of inner turmoil but in the end I gave in to my self needs and care so I just didn’t go.  I had to drive by on the way home and literally wasn’t sure if I would stop or not until I was done past it.  Didn’t feel too bad.  I was eager to pick up my dog from daycare and get a workout in.  I did a treadmill workout when I got home, it was slow and tedious but at least I got it done.  The rest of the night was spent catching up on laundry and laying in my bed while my furbabies flocked to me.

I was in bed by 11:00 and got 10 glorious hours of sleep (had some catching up to do from the week).  I was a little disappointed that while I was sipping my coffee it was already 10:00 am, I felt like the day was getting away from me.  BUT.. not long hubby and I went to Sam’s Club (always a great weekend “adult” thing to do). I stocked up on pantry items and got some delicious fresh fruit (and some freezer junk food to put in the air fryer for Saturday night game night).

Saturday night was a little boring, but hubby and I did get in a nice game of Cribbage. I was in bed by 11:00.

I was up before 6:00 am today (Sunday).   I got a few things accomplished and then went on a great walk/run for over 3 miles at my fastest pace yet.  And now my puppy is wore out– always a great thing.

Now it isn’t even 11:00 am and I am already feeling super productive.  I ordered groceries earlier and they should be here in a little bit. My BFF is coming for a visit and we will probably do some shopping and she will probably bring her dog to play with my dog.

The last thing that I really want to get done today is a little work on some IEP’s (for school) that I have this week.   If I don’t it’s ok– it’ll just make the week a little busier–but I’m not going to stress about it.

I only have 6 days of work left and then am taking a few days off for an impromptu trip to Florida with the family.  I can make it 🙂

Perfect, low key, awesomely refreshing weekend living my best life ❤

 

The Game of Life is Hard to Play

Gonna lose it anyway?

Well, eventually, but hopefully not for awhile anyway.  (Lyrics from Suicide is Painless)

Back to work, vacation is over.  All good.

Sunday evening was a little rough.  I felt myself get crabby and edgy.  I thought of the Sundays of my past where I would be diligent about getting all of my chores done so that I could start drinking, the earlier the better.  Best if I was passed out before 10:00pm.  But no matter what time I went to bed, the Monday wake up was always brutal.  I fantasized for a moment about drinking my anxiety away, but didn’t.

I was so amped up Sunday night that I didn’t fall asleep till around midnight.  I was so grateful to wake up sober Monday morning.  Even with not enough sleep I felt so much better than a night of drinking.

Getting back to work was good.  I was in a pleasant mood and the kids seemed fairly happy to be back into the routine and were more relaxed than I expected.  The morning went great until I got a text message from hubby.

He found out that his sister had been taken to the hospital the night before with a super high blood sugar (she is diabetic).  He wasn’t sure how she was but his mom said that her organs had started shutting down, but since getting treated she seemed to be improving.  At this point he had very little info, but his parents contacted him to see if he could pick up her kids (who they have temporary custody of) from school.   After talking to him, I got through my afternoon groups but couldn’t focus or get any extra work done.

When I got home, the house was full with hubby and all of the kids (my SIL’s 3 plus our 2).  Everyone was playing and happy.  I made a good dinner (thank you instant pot!) and the kids ate well.  My in-laws picked them up shortly after getting dinner all cleaned up. By then, all of my chores were done for the next day.  I can’t imagine dealing with the stress of a family member in ICU and caring for her small children on top of regular chores with being hungover.  Thank God I was 100% functional!

My youngest has wanted to play the bored game (see what I did there?) LIFE since Sunday night and I promised him we’d play last night, so we made some time for it after the kids left.  We made the mistake of setting it up on the floor, and our dog destroyed it midway through.  It was partially my fault for throwing his ball down the hallway– I thought we was a little more agile and could jump over the game board, but he kind of destroyed it– a few times 😉  So we put it away and had ice cream sundaes instead… perfect ending to a kind of stressful and long Monday.

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Today, Tuesday, has been great so far.  I got up at 4:30 and got in a nice 3 mile walk/run before getting ready for work.  I felt happy, grateful and energized driving in today.  It’s helpful that we are having an unseasonably warm winter (it was like 40 degrees this morning, I got hot).  It’s a great feeling to be getting into the shower at 6:00am and already having over 7,000 steps on my Garmin.

Woo hoo!! THIS is my best life ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Goodr’s Junky Advertising; Taking Advantage of a Crisis Generation?

I am slightly disgusted slash apprehensive at the recent marketing tactics of one of my favorite sunglass companies, Goodr.  I don’t want to be that overly offensive new age person, but…

“Frozen drinks require two things: pineapple garnish and crushed vicodin.”

“we’re going for a run (maybe popping a couple of hallucinogens) and riding our imagination dragons…”

“If you ever go on a run (or spiritual LSD journey)…”

I came across these posts this morning and it’s been on my mind all day.  Although I feel guilty and self-righteous for it bothering me so much, I feel that the company really dropped the ball.

I know kids who are not with their parents because of an addiction of a prescribed pill, vicodin.  

I know parents whose child never came home because of the LSD journey he went on. 

I know peers and friends of friends who will never be the same, and who will never live a productive life because they popped too many hallucinogens.

So yeah, this cuts deep.  Not to mention my own demons (AKA my addiction).

But right now, I am ok– better than ok. I have a decent house, a job that I love, family that loves me and I am sober.  You know what helps keep me sober?  Exercise, especially running.  The very activity that I bought these very sunglasses to pursue.  

This company is partially geared towards runners.  Apparently they don’t realize how many runners are recovering addicts (I know from listening to hundreds of addicts being interviewed on sober podcasts).  Or maybe they do realize this and think that these posts are humorous.  I just can’t understand the humor in this day and age of the addiction epidemic, and at the expense of those who have lost loved ones.

I haven’t thrown my Goodr glasses away yet, but have a feeling that they will end up in the trash.  Or maybe I’ll think of something creative to do with them to help combat the addiction epidemic.

What are your thoughts?  Am I being overly sensitive or is this truly outrageous?

 

My Best Life

Getting up at 5:00am with the littlest to see the peak meteor showers.

Cleaning out closets one by one while I’m off work- purging bag after bag of things I never use after being a married adult for 18 years.

Walking 2 miles while my foot is still hurting– because walking on it ultimately helps work it out and my dog needs exercise, and I need to work on my mileage goal.

Brushing my teeth and washing my face before bed because it feels SO good to go to bed with that fresh feeling.

Flushing the random fleeting romantic “I should drink some wine” thoughts down the toilet.

Following that ‘so called’ romantic drink to a place that I know it will lead to and that’s a place that I don’t want to be at.

I’m 41 years old and at this point in my life I want to live my best life.  I want to meet my goals and follow my dreams.  No one is standing in my way– except alcohol.  The same alcohol that stole Christmas Eve from me.  It also stole New Years Eve. Heck, it stole my entire 3rd decade.

That’s what it does, it takes takes takes.  But, alcohol, I’m on to you.  I’ve gotten smart.  I won’t let you take my best life from me anymore.

I like to get up way before dawn to see meteoroids with my youngest who loves space and science.  We will sip hot chocolate and coffee and talk in the wee hours about space stations, and aliens and stars and planets.

I will clean out my clutter– in my house, in my head and in my body.  I will live in a clean and clear way, on the outside and the inside.

Without alcohol, I can and will live my best life ❤

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Thursday Musings

Hello Thursday!  Four days left of vacation and I am soaking it all in (staycation).

I woke up with a throbbing foot.  I’m not sure if it’s because I decreased my pred down from 10mg to 5mg per day a few days ago or that I drank alcohol for two nights in a row.

I took motrin and am hoping that it starts to feel better so that I can get in a few miles today.  I’m already behind on my mileage goal and it’s making me a little anxious!  NO more alcohol!

Waking up on Day 2 feels really good.  I actually slept very well last night after a relaxing (lazy) night of watching tv.  I didn’t feel guilty having a lazy night because I had a pretty productive day.  I got my hair done, and then went to target (to spend a $20 gift card from Christmas) and Kroger.  I made a healthy vegan banana bread and a yummy vegetarian dinner.  We have a cupboard that has a lot of room but was bursting at the seams, so I cleaned it out, purged and reorganized.

Today I’m going to clean out our coat and linen closet and do a lot of purging (decluttering feels really good).

I’m also taking the boys for haircuts and Panera for lunch to spend my free meal coupon.  Then maybe we’ll do something fun like an arcade, movie or indoor mini golf.  Hoping to get in a workout later, but that depends on my foot.

Soaking it all in before getting back to the grind.

Happy Thursday!

 

Bucket List 2019

I’m not sure about you, but when I think of ‘bucket list’ items large scale feats is what comes to mind.  Hangliding, climbing Mt. Everest, visiting a foreign nation– those are examples of what I think of when the topic comes up.

Well, call me an underachiever, but I wanted to create a bucket list that was within my reach for 2019.  And so I did:

Item #1– Write a book.  Now, I didn’t say ‘publish’.. so this is WAY doable.  I currently have a couple projects early in the works and I’m not sure which one I’ll finish, but that doesn’t matter.  What matters is that I follow it through to the end.  And who knows, maybe I’ll even self publish– ya never know!

Item #2– Run 5K.  The whole time.  I’ve wanted to be able to do this since I started running early mornings in 2017.  This kind of goes along with my goal of pushing myself more when working out.  Running is SUCH a mind game and I need to strengthen my brain/mindset as well as my body.  THIS is doable!

Item #3– Go to the Dharma Temple.  I learned about this temple while at the Refuge Recovery meeting last summer.  It’s called Dharma Gate Zen Center and its in Troy, MI (about 20 miles away).  There’s a class January 19th that’s an intro to Buddhism, Zen and Meditation.  It’s 3 hours long, but I think I’m going to go to that.  If not, there’s weekend services or Refuge Recovery meetings there that I might attend.  I put this on my list because I’ve been putting off but really wanted to make it a priority.

Item #4– Sing a duet with hubby.  We both have a fond memory from early on in our dating days.  We were driving home from up north late at night and playing my Monkees cassette tape.  We sang the WHOLE way home.  For some dumb reason, since then, I physically CANNOT sing in front of him.  He reminds me of this memory of singing all the way home every so often- always with happiness.  During the Christmas season, he always wants me to sing “Baby it’s Cold Outside” with him.  He actually asks me to sing with him quite a bit and I don’t know why but I just can’t.  So I told him to start thinking of a duet because I plan to cross this baby off real quick!

Item #5– Finish the steps.  Ok, well, you never really ‘finish’ them– you keep applying them to your life, but I do want to get through all 12 this year.

Part of me wanted to include X amount of sober days, or NO drinking alcohol in 2019 but I didn’t feel that was productive.  I know in my heart that if I’m drinking, then I’m not going to be in top condition for my morning workouts or working on writing my book, etc.  It is physically impossible to live my best life while drinking- but I’m really tired of dwelling on that.

2019 Word- Remarkable 

My special meaningful word was extraordinary, but I’m changing it to remarkable. Same meaning, but I like it better.  I’ve thought of this word often throughout the past few years.  This word comes up in a curriculum I teach and I love the fact that ordinary people can be remarkable in their everyday lives.

Goals

I’m still compiling this short list, but one goal I set is for mileage.  I want to walk/run at least 10 miles per week.  That’s 40 per month and 480 by the year’s end.  My year goal is 500 miles.

The other goals that I set will likely be short term goals, but I thought this long term one would be a good start.

Phew!  I’m kind of exhausted just thinking of it all.  Guess I better get moving :/

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Extraordinary

The first day of the new year always seems to feel fresh and exciting.  SO many promises and hopes, dreams, etc.  A new chapter, the beginning of something novel.

I’ve been up since around 5am and it’s been so peaceful and serene around here. I’ve had lots of time to think and reflect.

2018: A Year in Review

Overall, 2018 was a good year.  Here are some fun memories:

  • Buying kayaks for our 17th anniversary, taking them out and having them sink in Lake Huron.  Having to be rescued by aunt Sandy and taking our wet kayaks right back to the freakin’ Walmart.  We bought the more expensive boats too– thinking that they would be nice.  Nothing nice comes from Walmart.
  • Making hubby go to a Refuge Recovery meeting at the Catfe.  The group meditation was wonderful until a cat peed in the money basket and on someone’s shoes.  The meeting only got darker after the meditation and I haven’t been back since.
  • Meeting my goal of riding my bike 150 miles in the month of June.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to make it for a minute.  Smashing that goal felt SOOOOOO good mentally and makes me realize that I need more weekly/monthly goals in 2019.
  • Finding Dr. Tent.  He has improved my health journey immensely.  I was like a lost soul trying to navigate natural wellness in the dark without a flashlight.  He’s lit the path for me and I am continuing to improve physically and mentally.
  • Discovering meditation.  I have found myself recommending mediation to practically everyone for every ailment.  You’re anxious but highly against taking medication?  Meditate!  You’re depressed?  Meditate!  You can’t focus to save your life?  Meditate!  You’re in pain? Meditate!  I can’t say it enough and the benefits are countless.  I even integrated it into my curriculum at school and created “Mindful Mondays”  where we start off our week by practicing mindful thinking for 5 minutes and writing a reflection in our journal.  This has been so successful that one of my parapros suggested we do it everyday the last week before break because the kids were so amped up and needed it.
  • Reading “The Four Agreements”  This book has become my bible.  I will blog about it sometime soon.  I have also found myself recommending this book to everyone for every which reason.  Understanding the principles of this book has provided me with inner peace and self love and respect that I was missing before.
  • Braces!  I. Still. Can’t. Believe. I. Did. It.  13 months ago my teeth were SO neglected.  I was terrified of the dentist and it had been over 5 years since I had a dental cleaning.  One broken tooth and a new dental office that I love changed everything.  Over the course of a year I was able to get all my problems fixed and my teeth cleaned (twice!).  Then the braces.  I’ve had them for almost 2 months and my upper teeth already look much more aligned.  It definitely has been a self-esteem boost.

Whew–  I am grateful for all of this!  I think that 2019 is going to be a great year.  I want to do more of the things that make my soul happy.

One area that I really want to rev up is my fitness.  I’ve been a workout slacker who is good about getting out there, but doesn’t push myself like I should. I’m going to be paying more attention to my pace and setting goals for myself.  I also want to incorporate strength training into my routine, even if it’s just twice a week (I HATE it– I just want to put on my shoes, go out and move without having to think about it).

I want to read more, write more (hello book, maybe?), meditate regularly, work on the steps, spend more time with family and friends, and I think I’m ready to take the vegan plunge.

Hello January 1st, Hello 2019– I am going to make you extraordinary ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Little Lost Soul

I have a soft spot for lost cats.

When I was around 5 years old, we took a trip up north to my grandparent’s cottage and brought our white cat, Bozo, with us.  When it comes to pets & animal care, my young parents were not the brightest.  Bozo was antsy by the time we got to the cabin almost 3 hours away.  They thought he might have to go potty, so they let him out of the car as soon as we arrived (not attached to a leash or anything) and he quickly disappeared into the woods.  I spent the rest of my childhood asking my grandparents if they found Bozo at the cottage yet.  We never saw him again.

Fast forward 35 years.  It was 2014 and we had just moved to our home in Novi.  We have indoor/outdoor cats but were cautious with letting them venture outside.  We slowly let them explore the outdoors and all was well.  

A couple weeks after moving in, our cat Milo disappeared.  We posted online, hung up flyers all over the neighborhood and prayed.  It was already an awful year, we had suddenly lost my mom a few months before and lost my grandma around the same time that Milo disappeared.  

This fortune gave me much needed hope in my search for Milo

Milo would be on the lam for about 4 months.  During that time we would also lose a young cousin and my grandpa, it was an awful year. Shortly after leaving my grandpa’s funeral up north in early January 2015, we got the call that someone found Milo, halallulah!  Surely this was a sign that despite the tough year, everything was going to be ok.

Milo was a more cuddly and loving cat after being lost for 4 months

Fast forward to Christmas this week.  While at my in-laws, the porch camera was activated on my phone.  I checked it and saw a strange white cat on the porch, but he quickly went away.  I saw him again the next day.  By this time I was concerned and tried to get him to come to me, but he ran. Two days later my youngest came downstairs to tell me there’s a white cat on the porch.  Long story short, I’ve been seeing him about once a day since then.  I posted him online, worried that he was lost. We have new neighbors next door and I’m hoping it’s theirs or maybe someone else got a new kitty (there are a couple outdoor cats in my hood – but not an unfamiliar one like this one).  Deep in my heart I’m worried that he is lost in the Michigan winter – like Bozo & Milo.  

The white kitty is coming closer to the house day by day

I hope this kitty is able to find his way home and is not cold and hungry.  I am keeping my eye out and trying to sweet talk him in case he is lost. 

After all, aren’t we all little lost souls in some way or another? 

Glorious 

The last thing I wanted to do today is get my butt outside & moving.  

I’ve been (yet again) decreasing my pred, so I have decent levels of aches & pains today & my foot has been ok but now I have a stiff ankle problem that I’m trying to work out.  Plus I’m a little sore from walking over 3 miles yesterday.  

BUT… it’s the end of December in Michigan and sunny and in the 50’s (rare, but wonderful).  So I couldn’t pass up at least a couple mile walk with the pooch.  

Before I left I was super crabby & short with my family.  Going out turned out to be the best medicine.  

The bright sun shining on my face was glorious.  The mild temperature seemed more like spring than the start of winter.  Shortly after getting out I felt much better.  I wanted to go at least 2 miles but ended up going to 3.  I even ran for a couple short minutes (nursing that ankle 🤨).  

Now it’s time to get these Christmas decorations put away & the house cleaned up and back together.  

Have a great day everyone!

The Exhausting Addiction Cycle

I read a blog some time ago that has really been on my mind lately. It was about relapsing and going through the most difficult part of sobriety over and over and over again.

I feel like this has been where I’m at since July (UGH, like a whole 1/2 year wasted.. makes me feel kind of sick to think about). When I’m not drinking the first month or so is the hardest physically, mentally and emotionally. Especially weeks 2-4 where I could sleep like 12 hours a day. Even those few drinks Xmas eve messed me up for days (sleep, irritability and piece of mind, etc).

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Not sure what my point is here, other than to be annoyed at myself. BUT I’m hoping that this knowledge and experience can help douse the PAWS fire that tends to heat up around days 10-14 and randomly pops up throughout early sobriety (and probably later, although I’ve never been past early sobriety– so I wouldn’t know).

I’m really tired of starting over and this awful cycle 😔

Time to pull up my bootstraps and conquer this “thing” that only wants to take over and ruin my life.  I am so much more than this stupid alcohol addiction.  F*** You alcohol &

Betsy too!!

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