Advertisements September 6, 2017: Black Shroud “When you’re drinking, it’s kind of like your life is clouded with a dark shroud. The sun is less bright, jokes are less funny, semi stressful situations seem impossibly daunting and the list goes on. I’m not sure why I chose to do this to myself the week ofContinue reading “Day #893 – Peace and Suffering”
Advertisements It is Sunday morning here– and I am on day 116 alcohol free. I am feeling pretty dang good about it too. I just passed my biggest test to date and am probably still relishing in the feeling of success. Last Saturday my sister came up from Florida for the week. The weekend wasContinue reading “Cloudy with a Chance of Rainbows”
Advertisements Life is so good! I’ve had a perma grin since getting these gnarly braces on. I can’t wait to have a good smile The purpose of me writing today is to create a desire list. I saw this idea on facebook from a post from Gabby Bernstein, author of The Universe Has Your Back,Continue reading “Good Vibes Only”
Advertisements Honestly, I have been SO crabby the past 2 days I can’t even stand myself! I could not sleep well on Sunday so I was so tired all day Monday. Slept very well last night (Monday) but I’m drinking only decaf tea & was just groggy & not well all day. Also woke upContinue reading “Pity Party: Time for a Gratuity List”
The year 2014 has opened my eyes to what constitutes true hardships in life. Prior to that year I didn’t know real suffering. The only family member I had lost was my grandpa, who lived a great life well into his 80’s.
I’m trying really hard to not be depressed during this holiday season. I miss my mom and wish she was here. I wish I could ask her about her wine habit and talk about my journey with her. I never thought in a million years that she had an alcohol problem, but now I wonder if she drank more than she wanted to. It now annoys me that I drank so much at most family parties and wish I had more sober conversations with her. This is turning into a big ramble…
Advertisements End of day 2. Not a totally great day but better than yesterday. Quite a bit of frustration this evening with my kiddos, their homework, the animals, getting stuff done for tomorrow, etc. BUT.. the work day was much better to get through without a hangover. I DID have the urge to drink tonightContinue reading “I CAN”
By this time, Betsy piped up. She urged me to get my shoes on and go to the liquor store. She reminded me how much better I would feel after a glass of wine. She told me I deserved it and that I was torturing myself for no reason at all. She asked why I wanted to just sit there like a miserable being and that I should treat myself better. She kept going and going and for the first time in several weeks, I listened
I am a little anxious about today. I don’t know how it’s going to be at my dad’s. There may be drinking and smoking pot going on. Many times there is free flowing wine and beer. I’m not so worried about drinking– I’m at 51 days today and the last thing I want to do is to throw that away. I can’t speak for tomorrow, but today and especially at this moment I Will Not Drink!
This is so utterly ridiculous to me now. I was upset not because of my dead mom’s birthday that I could not celebrate with her, but because I wanted a drink so friggin bad.