Day 4

It was a good day.   I was productive at work and the day went fairly fast.  The temps were about 40 F (heat wave!) and my foot was feeling ok when I got home so I went on a 2 mile walk.  It was so nice to be out in the fresh air and it made my dog happy.  I decreased my pred today from 20 mg/day to 10 mg/day.  I’m hoping I don’t wake up to a throbbing foot tomorrow— thinking good/positive thoughts.

I’ve been able to meditate and journal once a day.  I find myself recommending meditation to everyone I come across more and more.

Despite the good day, I’m feeling pretty cranky tonight.  The hubs has been on my last nerve all week long.  He has been complaining about EVERYTHING lately.  If it’s not work,then it’s something else and he just goes ON and ON and ON about it until I get so fed up I just have to yell at him.  I’m just edgy.. I think due to the holidays coming up so soon and not feeling prepared.

So.. that’s it.  Tomorrow is Friday and I hope the weekend doesn’t go by too fast!  Hoping for some good walks outside and maybe a bike ride or two.

 

Sober Miracles

Today is the last day of Thanksgiving break and I am bouncing around the house with a gigantic permagrin on my face.  I am just So. Incredibly. Overjoyed.  And yes, I am bouncing!

Today was nothing short of a miracle.  I took Jules for about a mile long walk.  I rode over 4 miles on my bike.  I covered 5 miles of earth.  THIS.

Last weekend I opted for a wheelchair at the canopy walk.  I was staying at my friend’s house and she has an extremely LONG hallway that leads to the backyard where we let the dogs out.  I dreaded walking that hallway when I had to let the dogs in or out and no one else was around.  Complete dread.  Because my feet hurt, SO bad.

image1
Saturday November 17th at the canopy walk, getting pushed by hubs.  

 

                       A nice 1 mile walk with little pain in my feet on Sunday November 25th.                           I will never take my mobility for granted again!

I’m optimistic that I am getting rid of those things (Parvovirus, Staph, Strep and Gout) that have been causing me pain and suffering, and that the supplements that I am taking daily are working.

The rest of the long weekend…

This has been an amazing weekend full of food, family and relaxing.  Our kids went to their aunt’s house for the night on Friday night and we had a terrific date night at home.  We went to Target because my steam mop is broken and they had some good Black Friday deals.  I got a Shark steamer for $89 normally $189.  We were going to go out to eat, but didn’t want to waste time at a restaurant so we bought frozen food for dinner and stocked up on snacks.

We watched a movie (An Interview with God– it was good I recommend that you watch it right meow) while eating our smorgasboard.  Hubby doesn’t get down on me for drinking, but his biggest complaint is that when I drink he loses me (I get too drunk too fast, get a vacant look in my eyes and numb out).  Well, I had decided before Thursday that I didn’t want to drink this short vacation away, so I was stone sober.  I was so grateful to be present and in his arms receiving his kisses on my head throughout the entire movie.

Afterwards, we sat by the fireplace and played our favorite music (a mix of 70’s classic rock and 90’s grunge) on the new speakers he bought himself for Christmas.  We reminisced and enjoyed the moment.  It was an economical date night, yet one of my favorites yet ❤

Today is day 5 and I don’t intend on going back.  I don’t want to trigger the stupid gout!  I also don’t want to dull my life, have a perpetual hangover, and be functioning at less than 50%.

On a related side note, my son and I left last night to pick up a late dinner.  The air was very unseasonably mild and I immediately had a huge urge to jump on my bike and just ride.  I don’t get those urges when I’m actively drinking, ever.  When in active addiction mode, I don’t care to do the things that matter, the things that make me happy and feed my soul.  So yeah, I don’t want to go back.

That’s all I’ve got.  I am looking forward to getting back to work– this time bright eyed, bushy tailed and a skip to my step ❤

86e9e31e10695b5_size25_w500_h375

My Subconscious Screaming at Me

Good Saturday here, after a good Friday, not to be confused with Good Friday.

Will’s birthday was Tuesday and that was my last (and hopefully Last) Day 1.  It’s been a really great week since Tuesday, I mean, I haven’t won the lottery or anything, but I’ve felt good physically and mentally, had some motivating days at work and relaxing evenings complete with walks after dinner with hubby and dog.  I am fully enjoying being present, not having to walk around my need for alcohol and the simple but good  things in life.

Friday night was low key but nice.  I took a nap after work, got into a new show on Hulu (This is Us.. co workers have been raving about it– it is good and I’m so excited to have found a new show to binge on!  We don’t have cable so often there isn’t much to watch), made spaghetti for dinner and took a walk with hubby while the boys cleaned up dinner.  The walk was nice, except we got rained on pretty good towards the end, but that added a little excitement.   Then I drank some yummy decaf coffee while we binged on This is Us (I think hubby kind of got into it too).   We were in bed by 11, and I fell right asleep and slept well until 7.

I had an odd dream that seemed like my subconscious screaming at me.  I was somewhere, at a get together with family.   I was drinking wine and it was getting close to being time to go, so I ate to sober up so I could drive.  Before leaving, I filled my glass up with wine and took it with me.  I had the kids in the car and remember thinking how low I felt and how rotten I was to drink the wine while driving, but I didn’t care, I did it anyway.  I came up to an intersection and needed to stop because another car had the right away.  My foot couldn’t find the break though and I almost crashed.  Luckily, I avoided a collision, but instead of dumping out the wine I continued to drive and sip on it.   Yep, my conscious knows how much of a slippery slope it is when I start to drink.  This is why I need to stay away, completely, 100%.

So, this brings me to Day 4.  I’m doing something a little different this time.  I made a TheDevilDrinksVodka Facebook page and I’m posting numbered daily posts on it, with high points, low points, gratefuls and goals.  It is helping me reflect after each day and I’m excited to see the numbered days increase.  I know I am only supposed to count on today and take it one day at a time, but I really want to make it to a year.  I mean, first things first, looking at the milestones 30, 60, 90, 100 days and counting, but I really want to get to 365!  I am so eager to see how much I can learn, grow and improve myself in a year.  But yeah, for now I am just taking it ODAAT.

Time to get on with my Saturday.  Club Soda cheers to a very blissful sober weekend being fully present and not feeling lousy physically or mentally ❤