This is Hard

This week my addiction has won. All due to a number of events that lead me to stop on the way home from my union meeting to get wine and succumb to my urge. This time of the year has been difficult.  I am not happy that I threw away 55 days.  I am notContinue reading “This is Hard”

Addicted to Day 1?

The promises of a new Day 1 is both electrifying and delicious.  The hope that follows is optimistic and promising.  The idea that I don’t have to feel like Sh#% anymore gives me goosebumps.  I reset my counter, examining the date.. looking for something significant, a sign that this time will be the last.  

Odyssey

As I mentioned in other entries, I DO believe that one day I will be 100% AF.  I certainly don’t feel like I’m “white knuckling” it during my periods of abstinence.  I am not miserable, I am happier than ever.  It is clear though, that I’m not working my recovery– or rather my recovery is not working for me.  

Martini Glasses in the Sky

The olive that was in the empty cup said to the other olive, “I’m going to stay in here, I’m all done drinking.” The olives then realized that the world was coming to an end and that they were going to die in separate cups.  They looked at each other with such sad expressions, it was truly heart breaking.  

Zoe 2.0

Alcoholism is truly the thinking disease, and that has become so clear to me. My biggest nemesis is my alcoholic mind and she knows exactly what she is doing– and she is so good at it.  But I was successful once and I can do it again, gosh darn it!  

Day 2

Here we go again.  Even though I had a hard time sleeping last night, today was SO much better than it’s been all week. Had a decent amount of energy all day (even on little sleep), didn’t miss the hangover headache, focus was good at work & instead of being cranky & short fused myContinue reading “Day 2”

The Way it Always Was

My mom would always hug her grandkids and talk about how fast they’re growing.  Aunt Sandy’s house was always full as well.  Uncle Ed was always there to entertain the boys or talk to us about anything and everything.   Grandma was always in her chair and always enjoyed watching the many guests, old and new, come and go.  

The Lies of Addiction

Sunday morning here and this weekend has been a mixed bag so far. Friday night was great.  I listened (didn’t participate or share) to an online AA meeting and I could relate with the other members.  I got to bed late but slept in until 10:30am on Saturday morning.   I had nothing pressing toContinue reading “The Lies of Addiction”

Moderation Condemnation

It is Thursday morning and I sadly woke up with a wine hangover headache.  Let’s back up to Tuesday. On Tuesday, I wanted wine badly.  Hubby gave me some tough love and I didn’t give in to the craving.  It felt GREAT to wake up on Wednesday, knowing that I didn’t blow it.  I nowContinue reading “Moderation Condemnation”