Bah Humbug, and One Day at a Time

My mom died over 4 years ago and I’m not sure why it’s hitting me hard this particular Christmas.  I just want the holidays to go away– or be done with already.  Our decorations nearly didn’t make it out and I’ve only bought two small gifts so far. The new year can’t come fast enough!

This week has been particularly rough.  I’ve had a nasty cold, but have been trying to work out most days, dragging myself through the exhaustion.  Most days I’ve worked out after work, except for yesterday.  Yesterday I got up early and walk/ran on the treadmill.  PAID for it all day long with brain fog and exhaustion (working out before work usually makes me feel good) so I took a rest day today.  I’m hoping to sleep early and sound tonight and get up again tomorrow morning and take Jules out for a walk/run.  I have an appointment after work so if I don’t do it in the morning, it won’t get done.  Even with this cold, it’s important for me to work out most days because I know that helps my moods and cravings.

It’s been a busy and frustrating week at school.  We had a new student in the fall and I JUST got a notice that she has a previous IEP (Individual Education Plan for students with a disability) with 10-12 resource hours per week.  I have no idea HOW we didn’t get the IEP record until now.  It is DECEMBER and this poor child has had no support.

I have an IEP meeting tomorrow for another student and that has been a source of stress also.  The parents (who have always been super nice, committed and dedicated) are super anxious and stressed out because their son is going to transition to middle school next year.  They are having a hard time accepting where their son is at socially/emotionally/academically particularly because this year his younger twin brothers have surpassed him physically and academically.  It’s going to be a long and stressful meeting tomorrow and I’m dreading it with this cold (I’ll be facilitating the meeting and going through all of the paperwork which is over 10 pages long).

Friday is our last day before break and it can’t come fast enough!

Recovery is going well.  Along with the working out, I’m meditating and journaling regularly.  I also started using the adult coloring book I bought last summer.  I have one picture done so far!  I do find it relaxing to sit and color at night.

Ok- that’s about it.  It’s been a LONG day.  I was exhausted as I left work but found the energy to get all my chores done including catching up on laundry, take my littlest (hubby and oldest are lifeguarding tonight) out to dinner and then get a gift for his teacher and bus driver.  It’s after 8:30 already and I want to get to bed ASAP.  Hoping I feel well enough to walk tomorrow, but if not, I’m going to rest.

Today is Day 10.  Even though it’s been a difficult and annoying week, I haven’t had the urge to drink (yet). I have 100 days on my mind.  I am 10% there already!!!  🙂

Spring Break & Easter 2018

Happy Easter Morning!

It is such a peaceful morning here.  Crisp with traces of snowflakes falling– but that’s ok, because the promise of spring is strong and present.

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Colorful buds emerging from the messy flower bed

I am happy that we don’t have to go anywhere today.  I am finishing up the cleaning I started yesterday and hubby is making an Easter dinner.  My dad and brother-in-law will be coming over for dinner.  We stocked up on lots of delicious groceries last night, so there will be plenty to eat!

I want to mention also, that today is Day 10.  Double digits always feels good!  I think my strategy of allowing myself leeway in terms of keeping up on exercise, activities etc has helped alleviate unneeded stress and pressure.

This plan has been great actually.  For example the other day I did NOT want to workout.  I told myself that if I didn’t workout then it was 100% ok and gave myself permission to skip it and still like myself.  In the end I ended up working out (it was a SLOW 3 mile walk with no running sprints- but I still got out there) mainly because I was feeling so lethargic and I knew that it would help energize me a bit.

I have a feeling that if I hadn’t given myself permission to skip it, the rebel in me would have skipped it anyhow and I would have been kicking myself all night because of it.  Due to the self hatred, I probably also would have overate.

Yep, I definitely like this newfound freedom of giving myself lots of wiggle room 🙂

Spring Break-

It is day 3 of spring break.  It’s the first spring break that we’ve stayed home in at least 3 years.  The past 2 we went to Florida and then back in 2015 we went to Tennessee and stayed on Lookout Mountain.  All of those trips were special and I will always treasure the memories, but I have never been so happy to be home right now.

So far, this break has been a mixed bag of tons of rest and relaxation (hello daily afternoon naps and nightly 9 hour slumbers!), exercise, getting stuff done around the house, self-care and loving on my furbabies.  After the craziness of the past few months, this chillaxation is perfect for my mind, body and soul ❤

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My kittens are happy that we decided to stay home this year

Work Stress and Weekend Bliss

Saturday March 3, 2018

It was a tough work week!  All of this happened:

  • I had a tough meeting with an irrational parent (called by me, but completely necessary)
  • After that tough meeting, I had to rush to my union meeting so that I could jot minutes as the secretary.  These meetings are SO long and very repetitive– thinking about stepping down next term
  • Both kids had a short flu.  Thankfully it was short but the vomiting was still stressful, luckily hubby stayed home so I didn’t have to miss any work
  • I acquired my 24th student- and a handful more are scheduled to get assigned to me in the next 4-6 weeks.  23 is my legal limit and my director is likely to get me an assistant for probably an hour a day (just like last spring).  I really need another half time teacher at my building, not an assistant for an hour a day– that is not helpful
  • I had to sub for an afternoon on Wednesday and then got called to sub Friday afternoon also.  I HAD to say no.  I would not get in the minimum hours for my afternoon groups seeing that I already missed a day.  This left me feeling like total crap for most of the evening on Friday for being demanding.
  • Just. Too. Much. responsibility.  I manage the calendar and have to schedule all of the meetings, and reschedule as needed.  I also am expected to manage all of the assistants we have at our school.  We have 6 who are assigned to specific students and I have to manage schedules and logistics when other kids need help.  The 6 aren’t needing to be with their student ALL the time, so this allows them to have sporadic free time throughout the day.  It’s like a constant juggling act and I feel like I’m in a circus most of the time.  Most weeks aren’t bad but there was a lot that came up this week that I had to deal with — feeling all that I have no time to address the issues
  • Winter storm all day Thursday. Luckily the drive home wasn’t too bad.  Unfortunately, we did lose power Thursday night and well into Friday.  I had to get ready Friday morning in the dark and with no running water

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To say I was ready for the weekend is a major understatement!  It is Saturday night, and so far it’s been a fabulous low key weekend.

Last night we went to Sam’s Club and then out to dinner.  I was able to get some cleaning done after we got home.

I slept well and woke up clear headed and so thankful for sobriety on Saturday morning.  I chilled in bed with coffee and the hubs.

Scrolling through social media, I found a triathlon in Bay City that sounded super cool.  It isn’t until September, so there is plenty of time to work up my stamina.  It’s called a driathlon because instead of swimming, you canoe with your teammate.   I told the hubz about it and he said, “SURE, sign us up.”  BOY oh boy that totally made my day!  I’ve always wanted to do a triathlon, I am so excited!  I signed us up and named our team Chunky Monkees.  It’s 5K canoeing, 20K bike ride and then a 5K race.  Now I HAVE to keep up on my workouts and strength train.

I’m even more excited to get a new bike for my birthday now!  And I bit the bullet and bought a Garmin today (for my big XMAS present that I never got)– which I’ve been looking at forever and am SO excited for it to come on Monday.  HELLO morning workouts!

That was my fabulous morning.  After all that, I got to work in my bedroom.  I cleaned and organized everything.  All of the shelves littered with jewelry, odds and ends, my books obnoxiously all over the place and my dresser with a mountain of clothes, boxes, and other stuff on top of it.  I dusted and organized, swept and steamed the floors.  I put out my alarm clock that has a natural light that makes me think its light outside when the alarm goes off at 4:50 am.  I’m going to start using that instead of my phone and consciously unplug every night.  I think it will do me some good not to check new work emails when I randomly wake up throughout the night.  I also made room on my nightstand which was piled with a tower of half read books.  I have 1 book on it now and plenty of room leftover.   Lastly, I washed all my bedding.  I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight in my room which is a comforting sanctuary instead of a raging pigsty!

 

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The bedroom project consumed most of the day.  Other than that I dropped the dog off at daycare for a few hours and went grocery shopping.

Now it’s already after 9:30 and I’m ready to relax with a movie or book in bed.  I am looking forward to another weekend day of getting stuff done.  Hoping to find time for a hike and/or bike ride.  I wasn’t able to get outside at all today– but it was worth it.

Oh, and I haven’t been thinking much about it– but I am on Day 10 today.  As the days come and are crazy as ever, I rarely think about drinking and haven’t had an urge since last weekend.  However, I know that I DO have to keep up on recovery stuff– but don’t mind it when good things in life get in the way once in awhile 😉

Peace and Love ❤

 

Curveballs

Life!  It has this way of throwing you for a loop sometimes. I think I’m pretty lucky in that my life is usually pretty low key– not alot of drama and pretty laid back.  If no one got injured, or diagnosed with a life changing disease or died– then it was a good day!

Today was not a low key- no drama kind of day.

I anticipated a terrific day.  Today is the records day & we are allowed to work from home. My kids are home & I miraculously worked extra this week to get my records done before today, so it’s kind of like a free day off.  The temperature is warm and it is sunny and I had planned to get the house cleaned up (long overdue) with the boys’ help and then go for a nice long walk in the sun.

This weekend was supposed to be our luge trip weekend– but it’s been too warm and so the luge is closed and the trip got cancelled.  That is ok, we were planning on getting a hotel room since we have to pay for a night of boarding for our dog either way.  SO, I was going to spend today (Friday) getting everything ready for the weekend.

The day started at 3:30am– I heard my youngest crying in his bed.  His ear was hurting.  I gave him some pain meds and it took a good hour for him to get settled down and back to sleep.

He has had a head cold for a few weeks now & the ear pain is new.  I knew I’d be taking him in today to have him checked for an ear infection.

I had an appointment at a teeth straightener place at 9:30.  I told Will that I’ll be back and then we’ll go get him checked out at the minute clinic.

As I was getting ready to head for home after my appointment, I noticed a message from my oldest.  “Will is bawling and I don’t know what I should do for him.”  I called and told him to give more pain meds and then picked him up to take him in.

I took him to the minute clinic since his regular doctor’s office was closed.  Usually there’s not a long wait there.  I was discouraged to see a gentleman checking in as we were walking in– for I knew it would at least be a half hour wait.  I was signing in when I heard words that no parent likes to hear in public, “I’m going to throw up.”  Crap!!!!!  I asked for a bag and got escorted to the bathroom.  It was then I could see how sick my little really was– he was shivering and shaking like a leaf (I’m not a neglectful parent– and promise he was fine yesterday except for the head cold he’s had!).  On top of that, we had to wait for over an hour to be seen.  Waiting with an impatient 9 year old can be tough– but waiting with an impatient 9 year old who feels like utter crap is just awful.  I tried to keep him as comfortable as possible, but he was totally miserable.

Luckily, the visit was pretty quick once we got in. He did have a pretty bad ear infection and was prescribed antibiotics.  Hallelujah!!!  I was still a little bummed because I knew he was too sick to leave with his brother so I couldn’t go for a walk or get my errands done and I also figured that he would be too sick for any type of overnight trip this weekend.  BUT.. at least it is a long weekend, I was off today anyways and didn’t have to miss work and hopefully he’ll be feeling much better by Monday.  I was trying to look at the bright side!

I dropped him off at home before picking up his prescription.  While at home I made him some lunch and started the dishwasher– then headed up to the pharmacy to get his medicine.  I was poking around stocking up on Tylenol, kleenex, Gatorade, etc when my phone rang from the house phone.  SHOOT, I thought, what now??

It was my oldest, “It smells like gas in here.   I think it’s the dishwasher.  Oh it’s smoking from the bottom.”  I instructed him to cancel it but no matter what he pushed it wouldn’t turn off.  I left my full cart at the store to rush home thinking my house was about to burn down.  “FFF—————-!!!”   In the meantime, my oldest was smart and turned off the fuse and it was off by the time I got home.

My house is still standing.  It smells like a burnt up motor in here, half of our electricity is off because when we turn it on the dishwasher starts back up, but everything is ok.  Well, except the dishwasher– but I don’t feel like it has been doing a great job of washing our dishes for awhile now, so it will be good to get a new one.

Now it’s after 2pm. It is not how I planned to spend the day and I found myself uberly frustrated at times, but I am grateful to be able to see the big picture.

My little has medicine that will help him get better and I have health insurance to help cover the cost of the visit and medication.

I have a car that allowed me to solve the various problems of the day.

My son had enough knowledge to turn off the breaker to stop the dishwasher from burning up.

We have the means (and probably saved about the same amount from the cancelled luge trip– perhaps that was a blessing) to buy a new dishwasher.

This weekend surely isn’t turning out to be the fun long weekend we anticipated.  But I will still dance in the sun when I step outside because even with all of the curveballs life is good ❤

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The Concert

Yesterday was Day 10 and my first sober concert.

Knowing another first was approaching, I was feeling apprehension going into this weekend.  I wasn’t sure if Betsy would be able to convince me to have just one or two at the show last night.  Happy to report that any persuasion by her was quickly shut down with a fierce, “No, NOT today Betsy!”

I enjoyed the concert far more than I would have if I was drinking.  THIS is what is getting slowly embedded into my brain. Alcohol = Negative effects, Abstaining = Real life experiences, mostly positive, even if uncomfortable at first.

First of all, there was a line to get in.  Well– a line if you wanted a wristband to get drinks.  That wasn’t necessary so we cruised right on in, past the line of drinkers.

Secondly, I enjoyed being fully present during the show.  The beats were intense and I could feel the sounds riveting throughout my body.  It was almost like being in a trance, if I lost focus and let my senses take over my being.  Much better than concerts in the past where I was annihilated– acting like a fool at my best and passed out asleep at my worst– both which I’ve admittedly done before.

I wasn’t bummed out about not being a “rebel” and not drinking. Actually, I felt a little defiant drinking RedBull… but that addiction is to be addressed at a later time.  I enjoyed the red syrupy drink & the way it tasted sweet and sharpened my senses.

Lastly, the end of the evening was much better not completely wasted.  I was steady walking out and finding our car in the city.  I took my time finding the car, taking pictures of pretty landmarks along the way.  Normally, I would be in a super big hurry to get to the car, get home and continue drinking.  It is quite freeing when you don’t have something like alcohol to answer to on a nightly basis.

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