Day 653

I think of the years I spent, writing on here, about day 1 after day 1 after day 1. At times I felt like a sham, “Hi 👋🏻, me again, I F***ed up yet again.” Feeling like a sober imposter.

Christmas 2020

Christmas 2020 will always bring me cherished memories. It will be remembered as an anomaly, and not because of the pandemic. This is the year we left stress, negativity and drama behind. And it was amazing. The last two trips to Florida were in January and February and the weather was awful both times, soContinue reading “Christmas 2020”

Running

Everything is bothering me today, this week, this month, actually. I’m usually pretty upbeat & grateful, but my ego has my head exhausted. Maybe it’s being stuck in a dirty house with so many men. There is often tension between my hubby and my teenage nephew, who isn’t used to discipline and quite frankly, ITContinue reading “Running”

Day Counters

Day 625 The day counter became my nemesis in early recovery. I’ve reset that sucker too many times to count. I’ve tried abstaining without keeping track of days, because for awhile, I was too obsessed with the counter. During the first year, I played around with not using it at all. Eventually, I found itContinue reading “Day Counters”

Sole Purpose

24 Hours (March 2019: The last Day 1) Super ugly post warning. I don’t remember having a day feeling this low. I wasn’t going to drink last night, but I did. I woke up in a puddle of piss. I WET the f’ing bed! I can’t even tell you the amount of shame and guiltContinue reading “Sole Purpose”

When the Party’s Over: The Pitcher Plant Theory

Drinking in my 20’s was so much fun. At 22, I met my hubby at a small, rickety, hole-in-the-wall bar.  It wasn’t a place my friend and I went to find a husband, we even bet who could find the guy with the most teeth (we were in our 20’s and MEAN AF). I vaguelyContinue reading “When the Party’s Over: The Pitcher Plant Theory”

Monkey Mind is my Super Power

What if our most despised attribute can serve us? I suppose it started with a seed, planted by the world renowned functional doctor, Dr. Tent. Before him, I wasn’t aware of any ‘problem’. When trying to figure out why my body was attacking itself, I admitted that I was an alcoholic. Dr. Tent then wentContinue reading “Monkey Mind is my Super Power”

Sweet Savory Ethanol

Day #532 It’s a chilly Saturday morning & I’m sitting in the dark by the fire— up long before anyone else around here. I have a sage candle & sage incense burning, and Deva Premal chants playing. The world appears to be coming unglued & I am at peace. I am so incredibly grateful forContinue reading “Sweet Savory Ethanol”

Day 490 and ODAAT

As I predicted, my inner alcoholic voice, Betsy (DeVos), has been doing pushups while I’ve been working my soul off and has returned to torture my thoughts.  She’s not too bad yet, but this is how it starts.  She sees a vulnerability and jumps on it. My best friend is getting married in September andContinue reading “Day 490 and ODAAT”

Day 481 and the Gifts of Sobriety

Day 481 It’s 10:00am on a Monday morning.  My niece and I are in the pool, she’s jumping off the edge and swimming like crazy while I’m floating around trying not to get splashed. My favorite Milky Chance song comes on and all I feel is pure joy as I look at Jessica and weContinue reading “Day 481 and the Gifts of Sobriety”