Life!  It has this way of throwing you for a loop sometimes. I think I’m pretty lucky in that my life is usually pretty low key– not alot of drama and pretty laid back.  If no one got injured, or diagnosed with a life changing disease or died– then it was a good day!

Today was not a low key- no drama kind of day.

I anticipated a terrific day.  Today is the records day & we are allowed to work from home. My kids are home & I miraculously worked extra this week to get my records done before today, so it’s kind of like a free day off.  The temperature is warm and it is sunny and I had planned to get the house cleaned up (long overdue) with the boys’ help and then go for a nice long walk in the sun.

This weekend was supposed to be our luge trip weekend– but it’s been too warm and so the luge is closed and the trip got cancelled.  That is ok, we were planning on getting a hotel room since we have to pay for a night of boarding for our dog either way.  SO, I was going to spend today (Friday) getting everything ready for the weekend.

The day started at 3:30am– I heard my youngest crying in his bed.  His ear was hurting.  I gave him some pain meds and it took a good hour for him to get settled down and back to sleep.

He has had a head cold for a few weeks now & the ear pain is new.  I knew I’d be taking him in today to have him checked for an ear infection.

I had an appointment at a teeth straightener place at 9:30.  I told Will that I’ll be back and then we’ll go get him checked out at the minute clinic.

As I was getting ready to head for home after my appointment, I noticed a message from my oldest.  “Will is bawling and I don’t know what I should do for him.”  I called and told him to give more pain meds and then picked him up to take him in.

I took him to the minute clinic since his regular doctor’s office was closed.  Usually there’s not a long wait there.  I was discouraged to see a gentleman checking in as we were walking in– for I knew it would at least be a half hour wait.  I was signing in when I heard words that no parent likes to hear in public, “I’m going to throw up.”  Crap!!!!!  I asked for a bag and got escorted to the bathroom.  It was then I could see how sick my little really was– he was shivering and shaking like a leaf (I’m not a neglectful parent– and promise he was fine yesterday except for the head cold he’s had!).  On top of that, we had to wait for over an hour to be seen.  Waiting with an impatient 9 year old can be tough– but waiting with an impatient 9 year old who feels like utter crap is just awful.  I tried to keep him as comfortable as possible, but he was totally miserable.

Luckily, the visit was pretty quick once we got in. He did have a pretty bad ear infection and was prescribed antibiotics.  Hallelujah!!!  I was still a little bummed because I knew he was too sick to leave with his brother so I couldn’t go for a walk or get my errands done and I also figured that he would be too sick for any type of overnight trip this weekend.  BUT.. at least it is a long weekend, I was off today anyways and didn’t have to miss work and hopefully he’ll be feeling much better by Monday.  I was trying to look at the bright side!

I dropped him off at home before picking up his prescription.  While at home I made him some lunch and started the dishwasher– then headed up to the pharmacy to get his medicine.  I was poking around stocking up on Tylenol, kleenex, Gatorade, etc when my phone rang from the house phone.  SHOOT, I thought, what now??

It was my oldest, “It smells like gas in here.   I think it’s the dishwasher.  Oh it’s smoking from the bottom.”  I instructed him to cancel it but no matter what he pushed it wouldn’t turn off.  I left my full cart at the store to rush home thinking my house was about to burn down.  “FFF—————-!!!”   In the meantime, my oldest was smart and turned off the fuse and it was off by the time I got home.

My house is still standing.  It smells like a burnt up motor in here, half of our electricity is off because when we turn it on the dishwasher starts back up, but everything is ok.  Well, except the dishwasher– but I don’t feel like it has been doing a great job of washing our dishes for awhile now, so it will be good to get a new one.

Now it’s after 2pm. It is not how I planned to spend the day and I found myself uberly frustrated at times, but I am grateful to be able to see the big picture.

My little has medicine that will help him get better and I have health insurance to help cover the cost of the visit and medication.

I have a car that allowed me to solve the various problems of the day.

My son had enough knowledge to turn off the breaker to stop the dishwasher from burning up.

We have the means (and probably saved about the same amount from the cancelled luge trip– perhaps that was a blessing) to buy a new dishwasher.

This weekend surely isn’t turning out to be the fun long weekend we anticipated.  But I will still dance in the sun when I step outside because even with all of the curveballs life is good ❤





Fear– an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Fear is necessary. 

The bottom line is that fear is intended to keep us safe. Most people are familiar with the fight-or flight response. When our lives are threatened, physiology kicks in to protect us. We are hardwired for self-preservation.

Unfortunately, we may also feel a similar response to unfamiliar albeit non-threatening situations. Things that feel uncomfortable to us also put us on alert. For some, the response is just as intense whereas others experience an attenuated version.

Fear has been a familiar feeling lately.

It’s been plaguing my dreams.

My uncle was hit by a car two weeks ago and is still in ICU.  First I dreamed that I saw on the news not that a deputy was injured, but that a deputy was killed.  Killed.  More recently (last night) I was on his facebook page and it said Remembering “his name” (the thing that facebook does now to deceased people’s pages).  I don’t normally have nightmares, but these quick thoughts that passed through my sleeping mind awoke me with a jolt– and filling me with fear.

We’ve had coyotes in our yard lately.  One day, a few weeks back, there was two.  They kept leaving but then coming back, scaling the back lot line like they were hunting something.  I did a quick double check to make sure both cats were in (I would have been 1000 times more frightened if it wasn’t the dead of the winter and -15 outside– for they rarely go outside right now..).   Since then I always have an eye on the backyard everytime I go through the kitchen.  I spotted another one 4 days ago, around noon.  They make me uneasy–they are so close and capable of killing my pets.

More bad dreams.  Dreams that they are stuck in our yard, unable to get out due to hills in the yard (that don’t really exist)– so they are right outside the doorwall.  Last night I dreamed that one got in the house.  It is too cold to walk in the dark early hours before work– but when the warmer temperatures come will I ever feel safe walking in the dark again?  And if we keep seeing them in our yard in broad daylight, how many are coming through at night?  Come warm weather, how will I keep the cats in and how will I not worry about them ALL the time when they are out?

I have many fears– and many dreams. Dreamed that my special education director directed me to sell a young couple a house (I’ve ALWAYS wanted to sell real estate– so it kind of was a dream come true!).  I told them that I’ve always lived in the area that they were looking at and that I would help them find an awesome house.  They were directed to an office upstairs and I was supposed to meet them up there. I went upstairs and the area was huge with many offices and tons of people.  By the time I found my couple, too much time had passed.  They were SO mad at me and stormed off.  I was fired as a real estate agent before I even begun.  What does a dream like that mean?

How do I deal with these fears rationally and what purpose do they serve?   To be continued….

Update on goals:
Last Monday I found an evening women’s 12 step book study meeting and I went.  It was perfect!  Much more comfortable than the Friday night meeting I went to 🙂   There was about 12 of us, various ages and everyone was so sweet and kind.  I am actually very excited to go back on Monday.  I hope to maybe find a sponsor in this group.

Today I had my first visit with an addiction therapist.  I’m not so excited about it.  She just asked me a TON of questions.  I’m not sure how future sessions will go, I’m sure she just needs to get to know me to figure out how to help me.  I hope that I see a benefit from it.  I go back in two weeks– so wish me luck ❤



Let’s Do This!

Day 1 for me, yet again.  This time I feel ready.  I am so incredibly excited for a long stretch of sobriety.  I’m continuing to learn and build up my toolbox and I’m optimistic about the future.

I had two short term goals– one was to attend an evening meeting and the other was to at least schedule an appointment with a therapist.

I attended the local Friday night AA meeting two nights ago.  It wasn’t at all what I expected.  I expected it to be larger and more transient.  There weren’t many people– (roughly half the size of the noon meeting I’ve attended) and most seemed like regulars who knew each other.  This was both comfortable and uncomfortable.  Comfortable in the fact that they were nice enough that I feel that if I continue going then I will probably be able to develop relationships the group.  And it was uncomfortable for the obvious reason of being a new person in an established group.  Overall, I’m glad I went and I do plan on going back.

I don’t actually have an appointment with a therapist, but I do have a call into one who is supposed to call me back.  I also messaged another one just in case the first one can’t accommodate my schedule.  I am so excited to get this kind of help– but I’m not sure that my insurance will cover it.  I really hope it does (the lady who took my call said that insurance many times won’t cover “substance abuse” addictions– but since I also have an eating disorder I’m hopeful that it’ll cover my visit).  If insurance doesn’t cover an addiction therapist then my plan B is to go to a therapist that I’ve seen in the past.   She is really good– but doesn’t have experience with addiction.

Let’s do this!!

One more thing that I want to add is that I have a couple of exciting things to focus on and look forward to in the near future.

Next Friday I have a fun date with my hubby.  We are going to The Creature Conservatory in Ann Arbor to see a presentation on creatures of the night.  At the end of the night, they’ll turn on only red lights and then they’ll open door to the bat roost and 35 bats will be flying in the arena above our heads!  I am so excited that he got us tickets for this, it is going to be such a great evening.


The following weekend we are going on a Boy Scout trip to Muskegon to have some winter fun.  I will be sliding down a luge!  We will also be skating and going cross country skiing.  I’m thrilled, but better not forget the motrin!  Boy Scout trips used to be a large source of stress for me if I had to go.  There is absolutely ZERO drinking tolerated (well duh..).   Now a Boy Scout trip is such a welcomed relief.  For two days I don’t have to even fight it, it’s just a given– NO drinking.


Yes, I am so ready to do this!  I haven’t been able to stick to it since the holidays.  THIS is what I’ve been missing:

  • Exceptional Sleep
  • Feeling well rested every single day (even after late nights or early wake ups)
  • Full engagement of an activity (without rushing home to drink and/or thinking about it)
  • Ability to focus
  • Feeling carefree
  • Feeling like I have my life under control
  • Reading every night
  • Remembering going to bed & the night before
  • Positive self awareness
  • Feeling confident at work
  • Having the energy to teach 7-8 small groups per day
  • The desire and ability to exercise daily (or at least almost daily)
  • Belly laughs
  • Appreciation of delicious drinks that aren’t filled with poison

Let’s do this– I am so ready!

One more note on self care.   It is so easy as a mom to neglect yourself.  Up until now, my teeth have been grossly neglected, due to a lack of time, but more than anything due to my fear of dentists.  Two years ago I cracked my back tooth.  I went in and the dentist quoted me thousands to fix it and all of my other tooth problems.  I didn’t want to pay all that and it wasn’t painful so I never went back.   About a month ago, that same tooth chipped even more– now I had a gaping hole.  It wasn’t sore but was sensitive to hot and cold, so I found a new dentist who could see me right away (and had WAY more reasonable prices than the last dentist).  He did a root canal and put a crown on it.  I almost told him to just pull it because I was terrified of the root canal (it wasn’t my first).  I had gas and it was actually a pleasant experience.   I’m not sure if that was cheating on my sobriety– but I’m going to allow this for me.  In fact, after my crown was put in, I scheduled a teeth cleaning.  I was SO sensitive that the last dentist wanted to numb me and clean it in quarters– so I would need 4 visits to get them all cleaned.  That was like 6 years ago and I never followed up.  So I was super excited to have my teeth cleaned up.  I had the gas and again, it was not bad at all.   I still need a couple fillings dug out and crowns put on (but no root canals, yay!), but after that my teeth will be in TIP TOP shape!  This is so exciting for me, as my teeth have been a huge source of stress, neglect and self loathing!  I don’t like how crooked they are, but haven’t done anything about it because I knew there were problems in there that needed to be addressed.  NOW I can see about getting them straightened– guys this is huge 🙂 🙂 🙂   

Moral of the story?  A little self care can go a long way.  Since my cleaning, I have been diligent about taking care of my teeth properly (something I’ve never done before in my life).  If you are putting off something that you dread, it can be life changing to finally face it.

Ok..  that’s all I’ve got.  I am so ready to do this ❤ 



I’ve been dreading writing this post, especially after my last post Life on Life’s Terms.

The good news is that my uncle, while still in critical condition is making some really good progress!  We were told on Saturday that if he makes it until Tuesday then his chance for recovery is good (for those who missed my last post, my uncle who is a police officer was hit by a car while directing traffic and suffered major head trauma).  It is already Wednesday and he has made daily small improvements and we are hopeful for a full recovery ❤

The bad news is that I let Betsy take advantage of the stress of this situation.   I was sober that first night.   After being at the hospital, dealing with family stress and drama, I had to stop and get cough drops for my kiddo and I picked up wine.

I can list 50 reasons why/excuses, but will spare you.   THIS is what I want to get out of this situation:  When the next crisis happens (and it will– it’s called life!), WHAT can I do differently?  I was so strong that first night but then as more stress was added I just DID NOT want to feel anymore.


SO.. this week I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting.  I need to add more tools to my toolbox.  Specifically, I need to find a regular meeting or program to attend (if not AA, then Celebrate Recovery, Smart Recovery, etc). I also would like to find an addiction therapist to meet one-on-one with.  I think this would be super helpful with creating some realistic goals for me.

I did sign up for an online recovery class and have been progressing nicely– but do think that outside groups and therapy would do me a lot of good.  I’ve been saying this for awhile now.

NEXT time I post I want 2 things:

I want to have attended an evening meeting and will write about how it went.  I know that once I attend that first one, it’ll be easier to go back.

I also want to have set up an appointment with an addictions therapist.  I probably won’t have a visit before my next post (sometimes it takes a bit to get in)– but if I at least have it scheduled then I’m unlikely to back out.

Life on Life’s Terms

Today has been a whirlwind– a true test.

On a small scale– it was tough.  It began with a sick kiddo coming in an hour before I had to be up. By the time I got him situated, I wasn’t able to get back to sleep and brain fog consumed my morning.  I was grateful that I wasn’t hungover– even the most severe sleep deprived brain fog has nothing on the dreaded hangover.

Work was dismal.  I spent the majority of my morning in a meeting with the grandmother of a new student I was about to get.  Grandma gave an extensive history of the child’s sad upbringing and I was left wondering how I was going to help this 7 year focus on academic skills when she was dealing with a horrid home life.

On a large scale, the day was serious.  Luckily, my afternoon meeting was much better.  It was for a student who has made great growth and with parents who cannot be nicer or more supportive.  Early into the meeting I saw a text from my dad come through.  “Call me when you get out of work.”

This type of text always makes me uneasy.  I knew my dad has been having lung/breathing issues and is supposed to see a lung specialist tomorrow.  My mind wandered throughout the meeting… did he have to go in early– was he at the hospital– did something happen to my grandma???  It took real effort to focus on the meeting that I had to facilitate.

When I called my dad, my fears were confirmed.  My uncle, an officer, was hit by a college student while helping at the scene of an accident.  He was in ICU with an extensive brain injury and the next few days will be critical.

I was dazed.  I went on with the end of my day, going through the motions, acting as though everything was ok.  I picked up my dog from daycare on the way home.  When they brought him out, they used a different door so I didn’t even notice him.  When I looked at him, I didn’t recognize him right away.  I felt like the biggest ditz!  While I was waiting for him I pulled the article about my uncle up on my phone and was immersed in the story.  I wanted to tell the girl why I was zoned out but the point was moot.

I turned on the news after I got home and news of my uncle was the leading story.  It hit home then. Since then just misery– sitting here with my feelings.  This is it– feeling the feels– life on life’s term.  Betsy has been chirping in my ear since the ride home.  I have just started humoring her– and that’s why I’m writing this. Getting these thoughts out helps me cope. I’d like nothing but a stiff drink right now and to numb out.


This has been challenging  and I’ve felt more anxiety today than I’ve ever felt sober.  Taking it one moment at a time– I surely don’t want to wake up head sick, hungover, anxious and full of guilt and shame.

Extra prayers appreciated for my uncle, his wife and his teenage twins ❤

Letter to My Spouse: The Pink Elephant in the Room– My Drinking

Five things you need to know about my drinking:

1.  One drink is too many, and 1,000 isn’t enough.  Once I take that first drink, I can’t stop.  This is something that all alcoholics have in common. It may seem that you talked me out of that 2nd or 3rd drink, but I will inevitably sneak it when you aren’t watching. At this point I’ve lost all control.  Yeah, it sucks and I don’t like it either.  

2.  I don’t want to drink. Ever. I might suggest that we have a night of drinking and fun.  That is not me, it’s Betsy.  She is convincing, tricky and will use her words wisely.  No matter how much you want to believe that I can have an occasional night of “fun”, I’ve proven time and time again that one night of “fun” will result in nightly drinking for days and/or weeks to follow.

3.  Meet Betsy.  Betsy is my inner alcoholic and she is absolutely ruthless.  She just KNOWS when I’m vulnerable, even if I don’t realize that I’m in a vulnerable place, she will pounce (I know it seems crazy, but it’s true).  I am not trying to evade blame.  She is a part of me, but distinguishing her thoughts within my brain help me to be successful. Here is real life example of a lovely day she tried to ruin last summer:

4.  During periods of nightly drinking I may appear happy, normal and that I have everything under control.  I may be on top of the chores, appointments, getting exercise in, etc.  This is all a facade, a LIE.  The truth is, I wake up with loads of shame and regret and promise myself that things will change and that I will stop. At some point throughout the day the mental and physical symptoms of my hangover evaporates and Betsy starts to talk me into starting my new alcohol free life tomorrow and how much I deserve or need a drink.

5. I AM so happy with our life.  I love the life that we’ve built.  We have terrific kids and I couldn’t ask for a more supportive spouse. This is the majorly confusing part for me.  This one thing, this one little thing is the only thing that is making me unhappy.  I should have control over it, but it seems to have complete control over me.  My intelligence knows that it is making me unhappy– yet I continue to allow it to do so and I can’t understand why.  THIS is where the power of meetings and connecting with others come in.  I’ve learned that I am not alone.  This predicament is not uncommon and it’s helped me greatly to know that there are others that I can talk to, read about or listen to– to help figure out how to overcome this and that it CAN be beat.  

I could probably write 5 more informational blips– but I think this covers the most important and basic aspects of my situation.

Also, know that while this holiday season has been a bit of a struggle, I have high hopes for 2018.  I am quite pleased that I had more sober stretches in 2017 than in the past 10 years.  I’ve learned a lot and I’m still learning.  I know that there is a reason greater than me why I am going through this.  I am grateful for all that I’ve learned, my past mistakes and my hope for the future.

Above all, thank YOU for always supporting and loving me, no matter what.  I wouldn’t be where I am without you and know that with you I can take on the world ❤

If you want to learn more about supporting a loved one who is struggling with drinking visit:



Finding My Tribe

This is so strange, but some of my very best ideas come to me in the wee hours when I am just beginning to stir.

This morning, the insignificant but brilliant thought came to me to attend the noon AA meeting– the same meeting I attended last summer.  I have been meaning to get back into meetings, but I need to find an evening meeting that I can go to while I’m working.  I have been putting it off because I’m anxious to go to a new place and a new meeting (probably because the very first time I went to a meeting, I didn’t find the right place and ended up attending a Tuesday night Mass).  This was a good answer.  I could get back into going to meetings at a familiar place (I’m off work until January 3rd) and maybe get some insight on good local evening meetings from people there.

It was SO nice to be back!  The women’s table that I usually sit at was full, so I sat at the book study table.  We read a small portion of the Big Book (it was in beginning– Bill’s story) and then each took a turn reflecting on what we’ve read, learned or something that resonated with us.


Gosh, I could SO relate to each and every one of them!  And also to Bill in the Big Book.  I was meant to be at this meeting and so thankful that I made it there.  I was one of the last ones to share and that’s what I said.  “I am so grateful to be here.  I can relate to each and every one of you and Bill too.”  I also talked a little about recent relapses and how after one little drink, I would go through a downward spiral.

However, I was a little cowardly.  I wanted to ask an elderly lady at my table if she would sponsor me, but I chickened out.  At the very end I saw two familiar ladies talking and wanted to approach them to inquire about getting a sponsor– but I chickened out again.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll get up the nerve to ask– or at least throw it out at my table to see if anyone sponsors or can recommend one.

That is all.  Today was a great day.  I can’t wait to see what 2018 brings ❤



Christmas 2017, a Wrap… Yet?

Merry Christmas morning!

This is a tough day for many. Whether you are missing someone who is no longer here, overwhelmed by family obligations or just stressed with the expectations that come with this time of the year, don’t forget to Just Breathe.

I will be needing to take this advice throughout the day. I was up late playing Santa and woken up at 5:30am by a very excited littleboy. It will be a long day at the inlaws today and I’m likely to get tired and irritable later.

I am wishing you all a stress free sober day. If you get tempted, remember to follow the drink and think about how awesome your wake up will be tomorrow if you don’t drink. Reach out if you need is an awesome place to find online meetings if you can’t make it to a live on today.

Above all, if you mess up, get up. Forgive yourself and be kind. We have ALL made mistakes, it is how we learn. Keep moving forward and don’t give up!!

Much Love   IMG_8519.JPG

Valuable Lessons of Grief and Sorrow

The  thought of a new year is exciting, promising and full of hope.

Although I’m very excited to kiss away 2017, overall it was a good year.  This last few years of my life haven’t always been easy & I am fully grateful that nothing tragic has happened this year.  Tragic meaning the death of a loved one or diagnosis of a fatal illness.

The year 2014 has opened my eyes to what constitutes true hardships in life.  Prior to that year I didn’t know real suffering.  The only family member I had lost was my grandpa, who lived a great life well into his 80’s.

2014 in a nutshell:

In the springtime I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.  This made my future incredibly unsure and I was afraid that I would end up disabled at a young age.  Right before the 4th of July my mom suddenly passed away.  In the fall my ailing grandma passed away.  Around this time, we had moved and our cat who is an indoor/outdoor cat disappeared.  In early December, my husband’s 22 year old cousin committed suicide.  And finally, on December 31st, on the final day of 2014, my grandfather, who had been fighting cancer for three years, passed peacefully.

Since that awfully horrible year, I am far more grateful for life and my family’s health.   I no longer worry how my RA will affect my future, and am thankful that my body can fully function today.


In many ways 2017 has been a great year.  While my desire to stop drinking began in 2016, it wasn’t until 2017 that I learned how to stay sober.  I proudly went to my first AA meeting, while the thought of even going to a meeting in 2016 brought me to tears.  I also had my first sober vacation, birthday and many other sober firsts.

I wasn’t perfect and am still learning, but I have a lot of hope that 2018 will be even better.

Hope and gratitude— without them we are in despair and with them we can conquer even the most challenging obstacles.

(Read about 2014’s happy ending below)

My Double Life

telling-secrets-big-e1379620235254I like to live life like an opened book.  I say what whatever pops into my mind (sometimes this is a fault) and I don’t like to keep secrets.  I’ve hurt people’s feelings before because I’m brutally honest with them.

For example, my good friend at work– I told her that I was afraid of her when I first met her and that I thought she was fierce, but in a good way.  I immediately saw the disappointment when I told her these things and I regretted telling her.  She eventually got over it, but was upset for a little while.  I didn’t understand why she was upset, even with my early inhibitions we had become great friends and I love her dearly.

I immediately wished I could take away my words.  There are many situations that I can recall that I wished to be able to take back words.

The secretive and anonymous nature of recovery is one aspect that I struggle greatly with.  It’s as if I’m leading a double life and if people find out, I’m doomed– a goner.

This is most apparent with all of my coworkers.  I am an elementary special education teacher.  I’ve been a teeny bit honest with a couple of other coworkers.  In certain conversations, I’ve said things like “I gave up wine.  It was starting to overly consume my life.  I’m so less anxious without it and I feel so much better physically.”   Nothing here indicates that there was a big problem– or still is a problem.

What I want to say is: “I’m in recovery.  I’m searching for a sponsor and an AA or another recovery group that I fit into.  I struggle nearly Every. Single. Day.  I listen to audiobooks and/or podcasts daily that are recovery based.  I know relapse like the back of my hand.  Remember Dylan McKay in the old 90210 episodes?  Remember how his relapses went?  Yep, that’s pretty realistic, and similar to me during an ugly relapse.”

But what I want to say most of all is, “If you or someone you know is suffering from an addiction, reach out to me.  I have learned so much this past year.  Even if you find that your doctor can’t help you (like I did) and are the most hopeless of hopeless, THERE IS HELP OUT THERE.”

Although I’m pretty honest with my husband and one of my sisters about my adventures in recovery, they haven’t even read this blog.  They know about it, but I’ve never shared it with them.  I would if they asked, but they haven’t.  I’ve thought about sharing it before, just to give them a glimpse of the angst and struggles, but it’s a nerve racking concept and is overwhelming when I think about it.  It is far too ugly and raw.

So yeah, I’ve heard many people say that they would rather have cancer or HIV than alcoholism.  I can’t say that I agree, the thought of cancer is terrifying to me, but I understand why they say it.  Alcoholism is a terrible disease that causes great suffering.  It is misunderstood by many and minimized by some.  Some may be in a position to share their situation, but I think most are more like me and feel that they can’t be honest with the world.

So for now, I have an ugly but beautiful secret.  Maybe someday I can open up and inspire others to do the same ❤