I need to continue to work on step 2 a bit. I love my higher power and the idea of Him– but I’m not 100% confident that I know how to access my HP when Betsy talks me into a drink. I mean, I’m not planning on drinking. I haven’t had any urges or cravings lately, but know that eventually they will come. If Betsy starts to win the argument in my head (this has happened before), I don’t know how to use my HP to stop the thoughts in my head.
So this idea of perfection, it’s just an idea and isn’t even anything tangible. Thinking and wanting will do nothing but make you sad and unhappy. We must take social media with a grain of salt and realize that we are not seeing the whole picture.
So, while I’m baskin in my glory of a super clean house, homemade meals, daily naps on top of 9 hours a sleep per night, a part of me is jealous of all of my friends in their bathing suits on the beach. Seriously. I’m even secondhand witnessing coworkers who no longer work together running into each other. How can there be enough beaches to possibly fit everyone who is in Florida right now?
I have a bad habit of starting things but not following through with them. Such as: meditation, regular elliptical usage to shape my legs, yoga, pilates, veganism, shakeology, probiotics, books (like over 30 on my shelf that I have started), AA meetings, womens meetings, juicing, stepwork, various workout programs, walking at lunch, sewing, piano lessons, pretty much you name it, I tried it a couple of times and then quit.
If you are lucky enough to get off the Total Life and Happiness Suck merry-go-round, then you will see. Anxiety dwindles and it is easier to shrug off day to day life stresses. You wake up feeling alive and well-rested, a major change from the misery that used to encompass every morning routine and shroud your entire existence in a blanket of guilt and shame.
Then there are my friends who blatantly insult me because of my beliefs. Basically I’ve been called an idiot, moron and a dumb-ass because I have zero interest in going to work at an elementary school with a gun attached to my hip (my aim is really bad). They didn’t call me those names specifically, but their posts state that a teacher is those things if they oppose carrying guns while working at a school.