Just Another Sunday Funday

Superbowl Sunday– woohoo!!

This is one of the few days per year that my neighborhood has a party.  Well, mainly one neighbor– but she does invite the entire neighborhood, which includes our half mile long dead end street.

I’m not sure if I’ll go to the party.  There is a lot of drinkers and free flowing drinks.  Actually, after the Halloween party, I’m not 100% sure that I’m invited back (kept sneaking the hostesses liquor.. well, she is very generous, so she wouldn’t have mind, just the fact that I took it in a sneaky way.. desperation and addiction is a tricky thing).  I DO know that I DO NOT want to drink today.  I mean, really I kind of do.  BUT, I don’t want to give my Sunday night away to alcohol and I don’t want to start my week hungover.  Time will tell if I will make it to the party.

It’s been a pretty great weekend so far.  I conked out around 10:30 on Friday night and slept all the way till 10:00 am.  I was pretty lazy but got in a 2 mile slow shuffle walk with hubs and also went to Sam’s club.  Sam’s club has the best berries!

Today I was up around 8:30.  I’m washing my bedding and just put in my grocery order.  It’s going to be almost 50 today, and I have a 5K planned (informal, virtual race for February.  Everytime I do it I have a chance to beat my time and improve my status in the virtual race).

I shopped with the Daily Dozen in mind.  I intend on eating more fruits and vegetables this week.

Also, one of my goals was to increase strength training.  I have been doing 8 minute abs (it’s older but really my favorite ab workout!) a few times each week.  I’m thinking about getting a total gym or something else that can help me with weight/strength training.

WELL.. that’s about it.  Running, cooking/baking, laundry, maybe tidy up the house a little… sounds like a Sunday Funday to me!!!

 

Goal Diggin’

Thursday January 31, 2019

It’s been a long time since I wrote.  I’ll try to catch you up while getting to the point of things..

Florida-

This was a fun, yet Toxic, trip that had me wondering what I did to piss off the Universe.  It started out kind of stressful where we flew out of an ice storm and had to deal with the airport closing until 10:00 while we were supposed to take off at 8:55am. Luckily, we weren’t delayed for THAT long, but the whole morning was uneasy and I just wanted to get the heck out of Michigan.  I think it was at the airport that I made the mental switch from “I’m going to live healthy and continue working out and doing all my healthy things in Florida” to “Fuck it.”

Maybe it was that switch that ticked off the Universe.  Something did, because bad things kept happening:

  • My son left his gum from the plane on the floor of the bedroom and my sister’s young dog ate several pieces.  The gum had xylitol which can be extremely dangerous to dogs, even in small amounts.  Thank God, the dog was fine and never had any symptoms of poisoning, but it worried us for a bit.
  • The first morning down there we were woken up early by the alarm on the TV announcing to take cover due to a tornado warning.  Being super hungover, I put my pillow over my head and went right back to sleep with the rain and wind banging on the other side of the outside wall.  I’d like to think that if there was an actual funnel cloud coming, my dad or sister would have dragged me out of bed.
  • We found a man PASSED out cold half-way under his car while in Key Largo.  Hubby assisted to make sure he was ok, and he woke up and got up.  Paramedics showed up and called the police.  By the time the cop got there, the man had ate a frosty (we were at Wendy’s) and was looking much better.  The cop was looking for a tape of him driving into the parking lot totally wasted so he could arrest him, but didn’t have one so he was ticked because he had to let this guy go, and apparently he is a repeat criminal in Key Largo.  The whole situation made me feel really icky!
  • We went to Key Largo for 2 days.  The weather was super cold and rainy and my oldest son got his hand all bit up by a pelican while at a park there (we paid to feed the fish at this park, and the pelicans were attacking us every which way to try to steal the fish food.)
  • The day after Key Largo was our last full day.  It poured ALL. DAY. LONG.  In fact, Florida got record rainfall while we were there.
  • A huge snow storm hit on the day we were to fly back.  We were worried about our flight being delayed and the airport shutting down again.  We were delayed like 4 hours, but it was because our plane was having mechanical issues- not because of the weather in Michigan.  They ended up having to get a new plane for us, which made me feel better anyway.

 

All in all, all of this could have been much much worse, and I know this.  It was just all of the small stuff that added up.  Despite all of this, Florida was a lot of fun.  It was nice to spend time with my sister, her family and my dad.  I drank every night and got in zero walk/run miles.  I did not meditate at all.  I ate awfully down there too.  By the last day, I felt more toxic than a nuclear power plant.  Even my urine seemed to stink so bad (sorry for the TMI).  I was excited to get home and resume a healthier way of life and sad that I was unable to keep up the good habits in Florida.  Many days were such slow starts not feeling my best.  Coffee and food didn’t taste as good, the sounds of the kids were way too loud and most everything made me edgy.  Drinking IS truly borrowing tomorrow’s happiness and my whole time in Florida was spent on loan.

I was able to get right back on track after arriving home.  Largely in part to getting 2 cold days off work right away AKA lots of extra time to put my good practices to use.  I had a great workout (for the first time since last week) yesterday, but not sure it would have happened if I had to work and was still catching up from the exhaust fullness of the trip.  While on the treadmill (because, you know, it’s like -15 real feel where I am at right now..) yesterday I got the email that school is closed again today.  It really felt like I was once again loved by the Universe!

Even though I slacked off so bad during the trip, I’ve met my mileage goal of 40 miles for the month of January (currently at 41.15 miles, NOT including the killer at least 3 mile workout I’m going to do today).  Woo hoo!!!  I love meeting my goals!

I’m happy to report that my health is doing great right now.  I have decreased my pred from 10mg/day to 7.5mg/day for about 10 days now and still feeling good.  I think before I made the mistake of decreasing too fast.  I’m going to go down to 5mg soon, just wanted to make sure all the alcohol was out of my system first– probably in the next day or two.

The biggest thing I need to start focusing is my eating.  I have an idea.  Dr. Greger is a world renowned plant based doctor that promotes The Daily Dozen to eat healthily.  This is a list of 12 foods that we should be eating daily.

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I really like meeting my goals.  I really don’t like to limit things in my life.  I don’t want to vow to NOT eat sweets, or whatever it is I want.  BUT.. if I shopped and planned for eating the daily dozen, and was proud each night of meeting that goal, then that would leave very little space leftover for a bunch of junky food.  Just like alcohol.. it’s been helpful to focus on meeting my workout and wellness goals when I don’t drink vs. not being able to meet those goals.  So I’m pretty excited about this idea and hopeful it’ll work for me.  It isn’t even about losing weight right now, it’s about keeping my body feeling good with good nutrition, meditation and exercise.  THIS is the only thing that I can think of that might actually help me get that nutrition piece in.

Since I’m off again today, and it’s almost the weekend, I’m planning on spending extra time making a menu/shopping plan for next week that incorporates the daily dozen.

That’s all I’ve got for today!   Happy almost February ❤ ❤ ❤

 

For more information on Dr. Greger and the daily dozen see attached links 

 

 

 

The Game of Life is Hard to Play

Gonna lose it anyway?

Well, eventually, but hopefully not for awhile anyway.  (Lyrics from Suicide is Painless)

Back to work, vacation is over.  All good.

Sunday evening was a little rough.  I felt myself get crabby and edgy.  I thought of the Sundays of my past where I would be diligent about getting all of my chores done so that I could start drinking, the earlier the better.  Best if I was passed out before 10:00pm.  But no matter what time I went to bed, the Monday wake up was always brutal.  I fantasized for a moment about drinking my anxiety away, but didn’t.

I was so amped up Sunday night that I didn’t fall asleep till around midnight.  I was so grateful to wake up sober Monday morning.  Even with not enough sleep I felt so much better than a night of drinking.

Getting back to work was good.  I was in a pleasant mood and the kids seemed fairly happy to be back into the routine and were more relaxed than I expected.  The morning went great until I got a text message from hubby.

He found out that his sister had been taken to the hospital the night before with a super high blood sugar (she is diabetic).  He wasn’t sure how she was but his mom said that her organs had started shutting down, but since getting treated she seemed to be improving.  At this point he had very little info, but his parents contacted him to see if he could pick up her kids (who they have temporary custody of) from school.   After talking to him, I got through my afternoon groups but couldn’t focus or get any extra work done.

When I got home, the house was full with hubby and all of the kids (my SIL’s 3 plus our 2).  Everyone was playing and happy.  I made a good dinner (thank you instant pot!) and the kids ate well.  My in-laws picked them up shortly after getting dinner all cleaned up. By then, all of my chores were done for the next day.  I can’t imagine dealing with the stress of a family member in ICU and caring for her small children on top of regular chores with being hungover.  Thank God I was 100% functional!

My youngest has wanted to play the bored game (see what I did there?) LIFE since Sunday night and I promised him we’d play last night, so we made some time for it after the kids left.  We made the mistake of setting it up on the floor, and our dog destroyed it midway through.  It was partially my fault for throwing his ball down the hallway– I thought we was a little more agile and could jump over the game board, but he kind of destroyed it– a few times 😉  So we put it away and had ice cream sundaes instead… perfect ending to a kind of stressful and long Monday.

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Today, Tuesday, has been great so far.  I got up at 4:30 and got in a nice 3 mile walk/run before getting ready for work.  I felt happy, grateful and energized driving in today.  It’s helpful that we are having an unseasonably warm winter (it was like 40 degrees this morning, I got hot).  It’s a great feeling to be getting into the shower at 6:00am and already having over 7,000 steps on my Garmin.

Woo hoo!! THIS is my best life ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Goodr’s Junky Advertising; Taking Advantage of a Crisis Generation?

I am slightly disgusted slash apprehensive at the recent marketing tactics of one of my favorite sunglass companies, Goodr.  I don’t want to be that overly offensive new age person, but…

“Frozen drinks require two things: pineapple garnish and crushed vicodin.”

“we’re going for a run (maybe popping a couple of hallucinogens) and riding our imagination dragons…”

“If you ever go on a run (or spiritual LSD journey)…”

I came across these posts this morning and it’s been on my mind all day.  Although I feel guilty and self-righteous for it bothering me so much, I feel that the company really dropped the ball.

I know kids who are not with their parents because of an addiction of a prescribed pill, vicodin.  

I know parents whose child never came home because of the LSD journey he went on. 

I know peers and friends of friends who will never be the same, and who will never live a productive life because they popped too many hallucinogens.

So yeah, this cuts deep.  Not to mention my own demons (AKA my addiction).

But right now, I am ok– better than ok. I have a decent house, a job that I love, family that loves me and I am sober.  You know what helps keep me sober?  Exercise, especially running.  The very activity that I bought these very sunglasses to pursue.  

This company is partially geared towards runners.  Apparently they don’t realize how many runners are recovering addicts (I know from listening to hundreds of addicts being interviewed on sober podcasts).  Or maybe they do realize this and think that these posts are humorous.  I just can’t understand the humor in this day and age of the addiction epidemic, and at the expense of those who have lost loved ones.

I haven’t thrown my Goodr glasses away yet, but have a feeling that they will end up in the trash.  Or maybe I’ll think of something creative to do with them to help combat the addiction epidemic.

What are your thoughts?  Am I being overly sensitive or is this truly outrageous?

 

My Best Life

Getting up at 5:00am with the littlest to see the peak meteor showers.

Cleaning out closets one by one while I’m off work- purging bag after bag of things I never use after being a married adult for 18 years.

Walking 2 miles while my foot is still hurting– because walking on it ultimately helps work it out and my dog needs exercise, and I need to work on my mileage goal.

Brushing my teeth and washing my face before bed because it feels SO good to go to bed with that fresh feeling.

Flushing the random fleeting romantic “I should drink some wine” thoughts down the toilet.

Following that ‘so called’ romantic drink to a place that I know it will lead to and that’s a place that I don’t want to be at.

I’m 41 years old and at this point in my life I want to live my best life.  I want to meet my goals and follow my dreams.  No one is standing in my way– except alcohol.  The same alcohol that stole Christmas Eve from me.  It also stole New Years Eve. Heck, it stole my entire 3rd decade.

That’s what it does, it takes takes takes.  But, alcohol, I’m on to you.  I’ve gotten smart.  I won’t let you take my best life from me anymore.

I like to get up way before dawn to see meteoroids with my youngest who loves space and science.  We will sip hot chocolate and coffee and talk in the wee hours about space stations, and aliens and stars and planets.

I will clean out my clutter– in my house, in my head and in my body.  I will live in a clean and clear way, on the outside and the inside.

Without alcohol, I can and will live my best life ❤

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Thursday Musings

Hello Thursday!  Four days left of vacation and I am soaking it all in (staycation).

I woke up with a throbbing foot.  I’m not sure if it’s because I decreased my pred down from 10mg to 5mg per day a few days ago or that I drank alcohol for two nights in a row.

I took motrin and am hoping that it starts to feel better so that I can get in a few miles today.  I’m already behind on my mileage goal and it’s making me a little anxious!  NO more alcohol!

Waking up on Day 2 feels really good.  I actually slept very well last night after a relaxing (lazy) night of watching tv.  I didn’t feel guilty having a lazy night because I had a pretty productive day.  I got my hair done, and then went to target (to spend a $20 gift card from Christmas) and Kroger.  I made a healthy vegan banana bread and a yummy vegetarian dinner.  We have a cupboard that has a lot of room but was bursting at the seams, so I cleaned it out, purged and reorganized.

Today I’m going to clean out our coat and linen closet and do a lot of purging (decluttering feels really good).

I’m also taking the boys for haircuts and Panera for lunch to spend my free meal coupon.  Then maybe we’ll do something fun like an arcade, movie or indoor mini golf.  Hoping to get in a workout later, but that depends on my foot.

Soaking it all in before getting back to the grind.

Happy Thursday!

 

Extraordinary

The first day of the new year always seems to feel fresh and exciting.  SO many promises and hopes, dreams, etc.  A new chapter, the beginning of something novel.

I’ve been up since around 5am and it’s been so peaceful and serene around here. I’ve had lots of time to think and reflect.

2018: A Year in Review

Overall, 2018 was a good year.  Here are some fun memories:

  • Buying kayaks for our 17th anniversary, taking them out and having them sink in Lake Huron.  Having to be rescued by aunt Sandy and taking our wet kayaks right back to the freakin’ Walmart.  We bought the more expensive boats too– thinking that they would be nice.  Nothing nice comes from Walmart.
  • Making hubby go to a Refuge Recovery meeting at the Catfe.  The group meditation was wonderful until a cat peed in the money basket and on someone’s shoes.  The meeting only got darker after the meditation and I haven’t been back since.
  • Meeting my goal of riding my bike 150 miles in the month of June.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to make it for a minute.  Smashing that goal felt SOOOOOO good mentally and makes me realize that I need more weekly/monthly goals in 2019.
  • Finding Dr. Tent.  He has improved my health journey immensely.  I was like a lost soul trying to navigate natural wellness in the dark without a flashlight.  He’s lit the path for me and I am continuing to improve physically and mentally.
  • Discovering meditation.  I have found myself recommending mediation to practically everyone for every ailment.  You’re anxious but highly against taking medication?  Meditate!  You’re depressed?  Meditate!  You can’t focus to save your life?  Meditate!  You’re in pain? Meditate!  I can’t say it enough and the benefits are countless.  I even integrated it into my curriculum at school and created “Mindful Mondays”  where we start off our week by practicing mindful thinking for 5 minutes and writing a reflection in our journal.  This has been so successful that one of my parapros suggested we do it everyday the last week before break because the kids were so amped up and needed it.
  • Reading “The Four Agreements”  This book has become my bible.  I will blog about it sometime soon.  I have also found myself recommending this book to everyone for every which reason.  Understanding the principles of this book has provided me with inner peace and self love and respect that I was missing before.
  • Braces!  I. Still. Can’t. Believe. I. Did. It.  13 months ago my teeth were SO neglected.  I was terrified of the dentist and it had been over 5 years since I had a dental cleaning.  One broken tooth and a new dental office that I love changed everything.  Over the course of a year I was able to get all my problems fixed and my teeth cleaned (twice!).  Then the braces.  I’ve had them for almost 2 months and my upper teeth already look much more aligned.  It definitely has been a self-esteem boost.

Whew–  I am grateful for all of this!  I think that 2019 is going to be a great year.  I want to do more of the things that make my soul happy.

One area that I really want to rev up is my fitness.  I’ve been a workout slacker who is good about getting out there, but doesn’t push myself like I should. I’m going to be paying more attention to my pace and setting goals for myself.  I also want to incorporate strength training into my routine, even if it’s just twice a week (I HATE it– I just want to put on my shoes, go out and move without having to think about it).

I want to read more, write more (hello book, maybe?), meditate regularly, work on the steps, spend more time with family and friends, and I think I’m ready to take the vegan plunge.

Hello January 1st, Hello 2019– I am going to make you extraordinary ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Little Lost Soul

I have a soft spot for lost cats.

When I was around 5 years old, we took a trip up north to my grandparent’s cottage and brought our white cat, Bozo, with us.  When it comes to pets & animal care, my young parents were not the brightest.  Bozo was antsy by the time we got to the cabin almost 3 hours away.  They thought he might have to go potty, so they let him out of the car as soon as we arrived (not attached to a leash or anything) and he quickly disappeared into the woods.  I spent the rest of my childhood asking my grandparents if they found Bozo at the cottage yet.  We never saw him again.

Fast forward 35 years.  It was 2014 and we had just moved to our home in Novi.  We have indoor/outdoor cats but were cautious with letting them venture outside.  We slowly let them explore the outdoors and all was well.  

A couple weeks after moving in, our cat Milo disappeared.  We posted online, hung up flyers all over the neighborhood and prayed.  It was already an awful year, we had suddenly lost my mom a few months before and lost my grandma around the same time that Milo disappeared.  

This fortune gave me much needed hope in my search for Milo

Milo would be on the lam for about 4 months.  During that time we would also lose a young cousin and my grandpa, it was an awful year. Shortly after leaving my grandpa’s funeral up north in early January 2015, we got the call that someone found Milo, halallulah!  Surely this was a sign that despite the tough year, everything was going to be ok.

Milo was a more cuddly and loving cat after being lost for 4 months

Fast forward to Christmas this week.  While at my in-laws, the porch camera was activated on my phone.  I checked it and saw a strange white cat on the porch, but he quickly went away.  I saw him again the next day.  By this time I was concerned and tried to get him to come to me, but he ran. Two days later my youngest came downstairs to tell me there’s a white cat on the porch.  Long story short, I’ve been seeing him about once a day since then.  I posted him online, worried that he was lost. We have new neighbors next door and I’m hoping it’s theirs or maybe someone else got a new kitty (there are a couple outdoor cats in my hood – but not an unfamiliar one like this one).  Deep in my heart I’m worried that he is lost in the Michigan winter – like Bozo & Milo.  

The white kitty is coming closer to the house day by day

I hope this kitty is able to find his way home and is not cold and hungry.  I am keeping my eye out and trying to sweet talk him in case he is lost. 

After all, aren’t we all little lost souls in some way or another? 

Glorious 

The last thing I wanted to do today is get my butt outside & moving.  

I’ve been (yet again) decreasing my pred, so I have decent levels of aches & pains today & my foot has been ok but now I have a stiff ankle problem that I’m trying to work out.  Plus I’m a little sore from walking over 3 miles yesterday.  

BUT… it’s the end of December in Michigan and sunny and in the 50’s (rare, but wonderful).  So I couldn’t pass up at least a couple mile walk with the pooch.  

Before I left I was super crabby & short with my family.  Going out turned out to be the best medicine.  

The bright sun shining on my face was glorious.  The mild temperature seemed more like spring than the start of winter.  Shortly after getting out I felt much better.  I wanted to go at least 2 miles but ended up going to 3.  I even ran for a couple short minutes (nursing that ankle 🤨).  

Now it’s time to get these Christmas decorations put away & the house cleaned up and back together.  

Have a great day everyone!

The Exhausting Addiction Cycle

I read a blog some time ago that has really been on my mind lately. It was about relapsing and going through the most difficult part of sobriety over and over and over again.

I feel like this has been where I’m at since July (UGH, like a whole 1/2 year wasted.. makes me feel kind of sick to think about). When I’m not drinking the first month or so is the hardest physically, mentally and emotionally. Especially weeks 2-4 where I could sleep like 12 hours a day. Even those few drinks Xmas eve messed me up for days (sleep, irritability and piece of mind, etc).

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Not sure what my point is here, other than to be annoyed at myself. BUT I’m hoping that this knowledge and experience can help douse the PAWS fire that tends to heat up around days 10-14 and randomly pops up throughout early sobriety (and probably later, although I’ve never been past early sobriety– so I wouldn’t know).

I’m really tired of starting over and this awful cycle 😔

Time to pull up my bootstraps and conquer this “thing” that only wants to take over and ruin my life.  I am so much more than this stupid alcohol addiction.  F*** You alcohol &

Betsy too!!

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