Day 8

Today is Monday and day 8 AF.

Yesterday ended up being a great day, which I was productive.  I cleaned all the bathrooms and got a severe case of hypoglycemia during.  My BG was like 45, so I stopped to make and drink a shake.  Afterwards, my hands were still shaking and I knew it would take 10-15 minutes until I started feeling better, so I took the opportunity to meditate in my bed.  I had a successful 10 minute session and then got back to work.

After cleaning the bathrooms, I organized some of the Christmas decorations and then took a 3 mile walk.  My foot/ankle was hurting during the walk so I didn’t run at all.  My ankle really hurt the whole night, which bummed me out since I WAS on the upswing.

I’ve been good about sticking to the low purine diet for gout.  It doesn’t say to limit sugar but I know from research that sugar can trigger it.  I had a bowl of fruit loops for a snack Saturday night and am wondering if that’s what triggered it (ankle and foot very swollen especially after walking– note I took it easy walked pretty slow/no running.  Much different than my speed walk/ran Friday afternoon).  I will keep an eye on the possible sugar/gout correlation.

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We had an early dinner and chores were done early so we had time as a family to relax.  We watched a movie and had snacks.  I brought bowls of carrots and blueberries to snack on and shockingly, it all got eaten!  I felt good about feeding my family fresh snacks instead of the processed junk we usually eat.  Really it was the perfect Sunday night.

I am at work with about an hour left of seeing kids.  My foot/ankle is MUCH better today– which I am SO relieved because I’ve been decreasing my pred and was a little nervous that this was the cause of the increased pain, so I’m SO excited that it’s doing better today.  I’m hoping to get a good walk/run in after work.  I also want to meditate and journal tonight.

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Feeling strong today, physically, mentally and emotionally.  I am thankful for feeling well ❤

Sunday Funday

Oooooooh I do have a love/hate relationship with Sundays!

I am feeling pretty relaxed although the looming thought of making lunches and preparing for tomorrow is creeping into the forefront of my mind.

Happy last week before holiday break!  I simply can’t believe that it is already time for holiday break.  Didn’t we JUST go back to school like yesterday??

Reflecting on the past few months makes me very happy.  September was HARD.  My foot problems were scary and I didn’t have any answers.  I was trying to do a strict autoimmune protocol diet and worried that I would have to take a medical leave to deal with my issues.  I am so thankful to have found medicine man who can help me feel my best, all without a strict elimination diet.

(Side Note: Many many people who have autoimmune disease symptoms have success with a strict elimination diet.  MY personal belief from what I’ve been learning is that if you have a virus in your body– such as my Parvo virus which causes Rheumatoid Arthritis symptoms– certain foods can trigger the symptoms.  THIS is why the autoimmune diet works– you are avoiding the food that triggers the symptoms.  Getting rid of the virus will yield the same results.)

So here we are, nearing the end of December.  I’m only 7 days sober today but feeling confident that I will continue to gain momentum.  Right around Christmas day will be difficult. This is around the time that I typically experience PAWS.  I am aware and will be prepared.  By the New Year, I will be almost a month in and will continue to learn and grow.  By summertime, sobriety will be normal and I will forget how awful alcohol has treated me.  I will have to dig deep to remember how I relapsed in July 2018 and how it took months and months to get back on track and also how awful my foot was swollen.

Lots of reflecting today, what a great way to start off my day with hope and positivity!

Lots to be grateful for today.  I am thankful that I’m feeling better today.  I am on cup 3 of coffee and going to tackle our bathrooms with a mop and rag after this cup.  After that I’m going to go on a walk/run.  Afterwards, we are going to the inlaws for a bit and then finishing decorating for XMAS (getting there!).   Later will be more relaxing as I prepare for this week.

Leisurely weekend mornings are such a treat!

Yesterday after I wrote I continued to feel crummy.  We picked up our teenage son and his friends from the mall and went to a sushi buffet.  I didn’t even enjoy it, I just felt fluish.  Then we went to Sam’s Club and got the essentials as fast as we could.  Funny thing is that my body must’ve been craving detox from the flu because I grabbed every type of berry I could find.  After Sam’s I took a nap and felt a lot better when I woke up.  I’m so happy it didn’t put me out all weekend- that is a blessing!

That’s all I’ve got.  This coffee is almost gone and I need to get moving.  Happy productive Sunday!!  ❤

 

Progression and Keeping My Sanity

It is Saturday morning and I’m feeling a bit sick and sore, but mentally well.

I think I’m coming down with something.  I’ve had a scratchy throat and hot/cold spells the past couple of days, although I felt good enough yesterday to go on a 3 mile speed walk/jog.  It was a great workout and the weather was perfect (like 45 F in mid December– oh yeah!!).  Although I was bummed because I thought I’d sleep like a baby but had a really hard time falling asleep.  The night before I walked 2 miles after work and fell fast asleep at 9:30pm, it was fabulous!

Let’s recap the past week:

Prior to Monday- drank every night.  Stopped after Sunday night.

Monday– Foot was SO sore.  Had to do a lot of extra walking and driving and it made for an even more miserable day.  On 20 mg of pred per day.  Sat a lot after work, doing the least amount of work needed.  Very low quality day.

Tuesday– Foot was feeling a little better.  I got new bedding delivered and had enough stamina to wash it all and redo my bed.  I also went on a 1 mile walk, but my foot was hurting towards the end and after the walk.  On 20 mg of pred still.

Wednesday– Foot felt worse, I think due to the walk Tuesday night.  I had a class and it was a long/hard walk in.  During break my friends went for coffee, but I opted to stay behind because I didn’t want to walk down the long hallway to the coffee.  On 20 mg pred.

Thursday– MUCH better.  Better day at work overall, not purposely staying off my foot and being able to walk wherever/whenever.  Lowered pred to 10 mg per day.  Took a 2 mile walk after work without much pain.  Progress!

Friday– Woke up and foot still felt pretty good (small amount of pain, but not to where it limits my mobility).  Had a productive day at work.  Speed walked/ran 3 miles after work with little pain.  Still on 10 mg pred.

Today is day 6 without alcohol and I think if my foot continues on this path, then it’s safe to say that alcohol greatly contributes to the gout occurring in my foot.   This is a blessing.  I. Can’t. Drink.  If I do, I will be in serious pain and unable to get around which really SUCKS!!   On a side note, after the past few months I will never take my mobility for granted again.

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I’m gaining mental and emotional momentum as well as physical.  I’ve been meditating and writing a lot this week.  That and being outside walking or running, feeds my soul with pure joy and happiness.  I wrote on Monday that I want 100 days and I think that I am well on my way.  I want more though, I really want a year and then years– until I die.  BUT, realistically — it’s one day at a time & that’s what I’ll count on 🤗

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Last time I wrote about trouble with the hubs and want to touch on that.  He is continuing to be so cranky over small stuff.  Last night we were going to play Cribbage and he went downstairs to get a can of lemonade.  He had a fit because I had one of my shirts drying on the shelves where we keep our drinks.  I look at it as killing two birds with one stone.  He looks at it as it’s NOT a clothes drying rack and also said he’s tired of my bras hanging on it.  Sorry, but it’s the perfect place to hang my bras and they take up very little room!  I don’t want to buy a clothing rack that just takes up space when I rarely use the shelves to dry sweaters (maybe like once a week for 12 hours).

SO.. we talked last night.  Work is making him stressed and that is contributing to him blowing up over little things.  He got a promotion a couple of months ago and it hasn’t been an easy transition.  He was working under a group of directors and now he is more at their level– although they don’t treat him like that.  He is taking directives from the CIO but the directors are fighting him every step of the way.  He has to talk/persuade grown adults through meetings when they are acting like children.  He thinks that as time goes by things will settle down and he will be less stressed (he does like what he is doing in this new role) OR he thinks that one of the directors might try to get rid of him– which is stressful to think about.   He unloaded on me last night and I was a good listener (I think).  I don’t know how to help him have faith that things will be ok no matter what.  Secretly, I’m terrified that work stress will cause him to have a mental breakdown and kill himself or our entire family (OK, I know that sounds extreme, but it’s happened before.  A few years ago, our PTA president’s husband hung himself– right in the trees in the neighborhood– this shit is real and really happens).  But, do you know what makes everything better?  A good long hard bike ride.  With temps in the 40’s today and tomorrow we will go and hopefully that’ll help him feel happy and at ease– at least in the moment.

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That’s it for my Saturday update.  I’m looking forward to a productive and relaxing weekend.  Peace and love ❤

Day 4

It was a good day.   I was productive at work and the day went fairly fast.  The temps were about 40 F (heat wave!) and my foot was feeling ok when I got home so I went on a 2 mile walk.  It was so nice to be out in the fresh air and it made my dog happy.  I decreased my pred today from 20 mg/day to 10 mg/day.  I’m hoping I don’t wake up to a throbbing foot tomorrow— thinking good/positive thoughts.

I’ve been able to meditate and journal once a day.  I find myself recommending meditation to everyone I come across more and more.

Despite the good day, I’m feeling pretty cranky tonight.  The hubs has been on my last nerve all week long.  He has been complaining about EVERYTHING lately.  If it’s not work,then it’s something else and he just goes ON and ON and ON about it until I get so fed up I just have to yell at him.  I’m just edgy.. I think due to the holidays coming up so soon and not feeling prepared.

So.. that’s it.  Tomorrow is Friday and I hope the weekend doesn’t go by too fast!  Hoping for some good walks outside and maybe a bike ride or two.

 

Choices

I want 100 days.

I had it back in July and never felt better.  Since then I’ve been stuck in this cycle.

When I first started learning about sobriety and recovery and connecting with people I heard a lot of things that made no sense to me at all.  Some people said they had many many many day 1’s and I had no idea how this could happen or what it meant.  Ooooh, I can relate to that statement now.  Same with one day at a time.  It doesn’t matter if I’m on day 1 or day 100– I’m still just as close to picking up a drink than the next guy.  Also, I didn’t understand the thought that while you are working on your recovery your addiction is off doing push-ups– I lived this one.  I had 123 days and life happened.  I was vulnerable and my addiction took full advantage.  It lied to me & made me believe that drinking wouldn’t be so bad and I could quit at any time.  Now we are almost 5 months later and I’m still stuck in the crappy cycle.

To make my situation even more disgusting, my foot has been KILLING me.  I’ve been sticking to the low purine diet for the most part– BUT still drinking alcohol which is a KNOWN trigger.  DUH……..    So not only do I have mental and emotional problems from drinking, but now I have physical pain too.  Yet my addiction still has me pinned under her.

100 days is a great goal for me.  It will help me stay focused.    I will be on day 16 at Christmas and day 22 on New Years Eve.  Last year on new years I sipped sparkling grape juice out of a wine glass at midnight with the hubby and kids.  It was great.  I can totally do that again.

Side note:  I’m at work right now writing this.  One of the paraprofessionals just popped into my room to see if I had any gum or mints.  I found out something heartbreaking about her on Friday.  Apparently, her husband is a heroin addict.  Sounds like he had it under control (was going to the methadone clinic).  But he’s back at it.  She is in her 50’s has two grown kids, one of which has special needs and still lives with her.  At some point, not sure when, her husband gave her Hepatitis C that he got from using dirty needles.  She’s thinking about leaving him– it is just such a sad situation.  As we’re happily chatting, she has no idea that I’m writing about my own addiction.  It seems as though lately I’ve been hearing more and more about the struggles of close family members of friends and acquaintances.

Maybe it’s time to come out.  This is something that I’ve thought about, but #1 I don’t want to be that accountable — no wait– my addiction does not want to be accountable and #2 I’ve felt like I owe it to others to have a good chunk of time under my belt before coming out.  I can’t be sober for 2 weeks and preach about it (although I do it all the time in Facebook groups).  Jan, who almost was my sponsor last summer (from  my local AA meeting) and I talked on the phone once.  She said that coming out to my friends and family members is imperative to my success– maybe she was right, go figure.  Maybe I really need to look at those with long periods of sobriety and do more of what they are doing and listen to the advice they give me.

Paul Churchill from the Recovery Elevator podcast always talks about when he was completely tired of day 1’s and serious about sobriety he sent out a mass text.  People in MY family really DON’T understand that I have this problem.  They only know that sometimes I drink and other times I don’t.  Wow, they must think that I really have things under control– how ironic!

Anyways, I’m glad I took the time to write today.  I think that 100 days and coming out–at least to those close to me– not necessarily coworkers– yet- but that will come soon because there are too many people who are dealing with addiction who I could possibly help– even if its to listen with an empathetic ear– is a good start.  Probably going back to AA would be good too, although it’s hard to find the time (I know that’s a lame excuse– but I don’t have a lot of time during the week and would rather spend an hour on a hike with my dog than at a meeting.  I DO think they’re beneficial though and will try to find one during the week that I can commit to.  And the steps– I’m on step four and need to seriously commit to working on it.

I will be writing more here.  Most of the posts will probably be short but I do want to document each day.

Action plan for today:  Throw out leftover wine.  Make a schedule of workouts, meetings, meditation and step work.  ALL are crucial to my success and I can find time if I’m not wasting it drinking.  DON’T DRINK.  Betsy will start yapping on the way home.  She’ll yap the whole time I’m at the foot doctor.  She’ll TRY to get me to stop at the store and throw in the towel.  IGNORE Betsy today.  Day 1, I am already 1% to 100!

I have a rich life and much to live for.  It’s time I start making everyday choices that will make my heart and soul happy.

Peace, Love and Rock and Roll ❤

 

Sober Miracles

Today is the last day of Thanksgiving break and I am bouncing around the house with a gigantic permagrin on my face.  I am just So. Incredibly. Overjoyed.  And yes, I am bouncing!

Today was nothing short of a miracle.  I took Jules for about a mile long walk.  I rode over 4 miles on my bike.  I covered 5 miles of earth.  THIS.

Last weekend I opted for a wheelchair at the canopy walk.  I was staying at my friend’s house and she has an extremely LONG hallway that leads to the backyard where we let the dogs out.  I dreaded walking that hallway when I had to let the dogs in or out and no one else was around.  Complete dread.  Because my feet hurt, SO bad.

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Saturday November 17th at the canopy walk, getting pushed by hubs.  

 

                       A nice 1 mile walk with little pain in my feet on Sunday November 25th.                           I will never take my mobility for granted again!

I’m optimistic that I am getting rid of those things (Parvovirus, Staph, Strep and Gout) that have been causing me pain and suffering, and that the supplements that I am taking daily are working.

The rest of the long weekend…

This has been an amazing weekend full of food, family and relaxing.  Our kids went to their aunt’s house for the night on Friday night and we had a terrific date night at home.  We went to Target because my steam mop is broken and they had some good Black Friday deals.  I got a Shark steamer for $89 normally $189.  We were going to go out to eat, but didn’t want to waste time at a restaurant so we bought frozen food for dinner and stocked up on snacks.

We watched a movie (An Interview with God– it was good I recommend that you watch it right meow) while eating our smorgasboard.  Hubby doesn’t get down on me for drinking, but his biggest complaint is that when I drink he loses me (I get too drunk too fast, get a vacant look in my eyes and numb out).  Well, I had decided before Thursday that I didn’t want to drink this short vacation away, so I was stone sober.  I was so grateful to be present and in his arms receiving his kisses on my head throughout the entire movie.

Afterwards, we sat by the fireplace and played our favorite music (a mix of 70’s classic rock and 90’s grunge) on the new speakers he bought himself for Christmas.  We reminisced and enjoyed the moment.  It was an economical date night, yet one of my favorites yet ❤

Today is day 5 and I don’t intend on going back.  I don’t want to trigger the stupid gout!  I also don’t want to dull my life, have a perpetual hangover, and be functioning at less than 50%.

On a related side note, my son and I left last night to pick up a late dinner.  The air was very unseasonably mild and I immediately had a huge urge to jump on my bike and just ride.  I don’t get those urges when I’m actively drinking, ever.  When in active addiction mode, I don’t care to do the things that matter, the things that make me happy and feed my soul.  So yeah, I don’t want to go back.

That’s all I’ve got.  I am looking forward to getting back to work– this time bright eyed, bushy tailed and a skip to my step ❤

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Thanksgiving and My 2nd Holistic Doctor Visit

Yesterday was thanksgiving and I am thankful that the long day is over. The day was really nice with family, but also mentally exhausting. Thankfully, I wasn’t triggered and didn’t desire to drink after I got home (often at the in-laws I RUSH home to drink). I was a good listener tonight. Listened as my MIL ranted forever about the CPS system and how they are just baby brokers and trying to get them to fail as fosters and my sister-in-law to fail getting her kids back so they can adopt out the two little ones. (Thankfully, it seems like my SIL is getting her shit together, going to AA meetings, counselling, testing clean — they really do seem to be sabotaging her success, but then again I’m just hearing one side of the story).

The rest of the night was listening to my other sister in law cry and rant about her health. She has a slew of health problems and has recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She has a ton of pain and also brain fog with severe thought disruption and memory loss. I feel SO bad for her and worry about her daughter (age 9). I’m not a huge fan of her hubby (my hubby’s brother) and wish he would deal with it better. I had so many mixed emotions listening to her– I was sad for her,worried for her, relieved I’m not going through all of THAT and guilty for feeling relieved, and SO thankful that I’m not in the beginning of my chronic illness journey– it is such a sad and scary place to be. It was seriously exhausting. I spoke about my recent visit with the holistic guy and maybe gave her a little hope?

I had my 2nd appointment with him yesterday. He said it would take 8 weeks to get rid of the viruses/infections I have. With the problems that I’m having with my feet he said that I also have gout. He gave me a couple things to get rid of it and said that gout makes your skin look old and that people would complement how much younger I look. He said I would notice a big difference in the pain pretty quickly. I’ve been trying not to wear my boot (after a couple incidents this past week I was starting to think that it was making it worse not better and really making my ankle stiff). I haven’t wore my boot at all since Tuesday and my foot feels quite a bit better! I think a little walk with the pooch is going to be a go for tomorrow. I haven’t walked him in many weeks so this is HUGE!!! I find it a total miracle that last weekend I was in a wheelchair afraid to over do it and now it seems the more I walk on it the better.

I totally think that alcohol caused the gout in my foot (it is a proven trigger for it). I was sober for over 100 days last summer and doing great. My RA then started to flare out of nowhere. My back and shoulders were extremely painful. It wasn’t RA though, it was the Parvo virus that moves around the body and causes inflammation in the joints. It kept getting worse, and then a series of stressful events (thought my niece had a miscarriage, my SIL getting her kids taken away, etc) led me to give up on my sobriety. It wasn’t until AFTER I started drinking that my foot got super painful. I’m assuming it was a gout flare due to the alcohol. It’s like a puzzle and all of the pieces are starting to come together. On a side note, this is proof that no way no how should I be drinking. It isn’t worth it for my health OR my sanity! I don’t even need to tell people that I’m an alcoholic– I’ll just say that I can’t drink or else I get gout. Right? 

The optimism that I am feeling has been long over do and such a welcomed relief.  I’ve also quit taking marijuana edibles.  I’ve been taking them not only for pain but for the mind buzz also.  Because of this I’ve slept really awfully the last couple nights but know that my brain and body will adjust and I’ll sleep great again once I get used to going to bed without a buzz.  I’m not against other people taking them, but for me it makes me snappy at my family and also can trigger me to drink– so it’s not worth it.  Plus, I want to see what my body does as it heals with as little pain meds as possible.  I’ve been also trying to stay away from OTC pain pills and have been getting away with taking an Aleve here or there, but not the 800 mg of Motrin that I used to take multiple times a day.

I mainly wanted to talk about my doctor visit because I am really excited that I am finally getting somewhere. I even bought a new sports bra today (killer deal online!) because I have faith that I’ll be able to start running again soon. I hope you guys had a great holiday and were able to stay sober   

Good Vibes Only

Life is so good!

I’ve had a perma grin since getting these gnarly braces on.  I can’t wait to have a good smile  Image result for smile emoji

The purpose of me writing today is to create a desire list.  I saw this idea on facebook from a post from Gabby Bernstein, author of The Universe Has Your Back, one of my favorite books.  I figure a desire list fits in nicely with some other things I wanted to do this weekend.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and talking..   I took off Thursday to see the alternative doctor & then got my braces on Thursday night.  I was so excited to go to work on Friday, show my braces and tell all my friends about my doctor visit.  Many of these work friends have known me for several years and have seen me through good times and bad, health wise. They’ve seen me in my most debilitating state.  I’m pretty sure my work peeps have never seen me as animated as I was yesterday.  They are intrigued!  All I can say is that if Dr. Tent fixes me, he is going to have A LOT of new clients!

If? No. There are no ifs.  When I was 18 an old veterinarian that I worked for gave me a copy of a book he wrote called, The Power of Positivity.  It took me over 20 years, but I ended up reading it after I turned 40.  Positivity is powerful and I was meant to get that book.  Just like I was meant to see the old rheumatologist who told me I have a Parvo virus.  I thought he was a real quack but it gives me even more motivation now to get these viruses out of my system.  I also believe that I was meant to encounter that older gentleman at the Refuge Recovery meeting who told me he meditates his pain away.  I’m a firm believer that we encounter certain people totally on purpose.

I HAVE to think positive and not even entertain the idea that this will not work.  I am 100% submerged in it and compliant.  This weekend I’m printing mantras and positive messages about my health and recovery and hanging them up around the house.  I’ve started meditating with a mantra to rid this body of the infection and viruses.  I’m also going to make a desire list.

So here it is:

My Desire List  —  November 2018

  1. Healed feet and joints
  2. Feeling of well being (like pink cloud)
  3. Decreased anxiety and depression
  4. Increase sleep
  5. More whole foods, less processed foods
  6. Alcohol free living, working the steps
  7. Better focus
  8. To finish one of my books
  9. Regular exercise
  10. To run again
  11. Start organizing and improving the house
  12. Physical strength
  13. To spend more quality time with family and friends
  14. Organize and purge my classroom
  15. Write more
  16. Read more
  17. Sing more
  18. Go to more concerts/shows
  19. More date nights with hubs and kids
  20. More yoga
  21. More meditation
  22. Visit the Dharma temple
  23. Get of prescription meds
  24. Run a race
  25. Hug more

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Functional Medicine and My Autoimmune Disease

I was diagnosed with both Psoriatic and Rheumatoid Arthritis in 2014.  My problems started in the fall of 2013– I would get random pains in my joints and my left foot was swollen and painful, even though I hadn’t injured it.  I was eventually referred to my current rheumatologist, Parveen Qazi.  Dr. Qazi is in high demand and it would take 3 months to get an appointment with her- which was March 2014.

It was January and my symptoms were getting worse.  I found another rheumatologist who could get me in right away.  He was very old and told me that he thinks I have a parvo virus, not rheumatoid arthritis, and that was causing my symptoms.  I had a sausage finger and he injected my hand with a painful steroid that never did help.  I kept my appointment with Dr. Qazi but never went back to the old doctor.

My visit with Dr. Qazi was way more intense.  She took one look at my sausage finger (yes, I STILL had it even months later) and told me I have Psoriatic Arthritis and that the sausage finger was a classic symptom.  She did bloodwork and took xrays of all my joints.  She started me on a medication called Methotrexate and gave me several brochures on different medications, all with possible serious side effects.  I’ve been following up with her every few months since then & have been happy with her treatment.

My visit back in May was stellar.  I had been alcohol free for about 3 months and feeling amazing.  Most days would begin with a 2-3 mile walk/run and end with a 8-15 mile bike ride.  She asked me about all of my previous ailments, most of which I forgot that I even had.  I felt SO good, but do have to say that I had been taking Humira for a few years (to quiet down my immune system), so my health really wasn’t perfect, but it was good with the Humira bandaid.

Fast forward to July and for some reason my health fell apart. I have no idea why.  I was still not drinking and wasn’t working so my stress level was low.  It started with random pains that would make me scream out when I turned over at night and my foot got bad again, but this time it was my right foot. It is now November and things have progressively gotten worse.  Additionally, I’m taking twice the amount of Humira and have added prednisone to my daily regimen.

I’ve been doing a lot of research and looking at alternative ways to treat autoimmune diseases.  I was convinced that I had leaky gut and that was causing my inflammation.  I tried an elimination diet but failed during week 3 because I was so painful, tired and gagging on all of my meals.  I wanted to continue looking at fixing my gut, but thought I needed guidance from a professional.

I found a reputable chiropractor who treats all sorts of things and is world renown.  Luckily he had a cancellation for today and I was able to swipe that appointment right up. This was excellent, I thought for sure I wouldn’t be able to get in until the new year.  I was excited but also nervous.  By now, I’ve had so many bad experiences with doctors, I really don’t trust them generally.  What if he tells me nonsense?  What if he just tries to sell me a bunch of supplements?  What if this is a waste of my time?

I’m happy to report that after my appointment I am feeling REALLY positive– for the first time in a long time (at least pertaining to my health).

I had been watching his lectures, so when he popped into my room while reviewing my record it was weird- like he was a celebrity.  He looked at my hands first and asked me many questions.  I told no lies.

I told him that I’m an alcoholic.  THIS.

You see, when I go to a doctor for help, I am honest and open.  This isn’t the first doctor that I’ve said this to, but this is the 1st doctor who did not wash it down the drain with barely an acknowledgement.  It is the most helpless feeling in the entire world to open yourself up like that to someone who you think may be able to help you but they don’t.

This is how our conversation went:

Me: “Oh, and I’m an alcoholic.  I have periods of sobriety- but really I have no idea how much or little alcohol contributes to my health problems.”

Dr: “Who are you, your mom or your dad?”

Me: “Ummmm, both?”

Dr: “Who’s brain do you have?  Your mom’s or your dad’s?”

Me: “My mom.”

Dr: “It won’t stop will it?  It won’t shut up.  You drink to shut off your brain.  I can see it in your eyes, just like Catherine Zeta Jones. Just like my dad and my uncle Larry.  The alcohol gene skipped me, but my dad and uncle have it.”

Hmmmmmmm… my mom had a very busy mind and so do I.  This guy was spot on. He thanked me at least twice throughout the visit for being honest with him and telling him about my addiction.  SO MUCH more than I ever got from the other doctors.

Overall, I was very happy with my visit.  I was painful when he pushed behind my knees so he said that’s where the infection is and it’s going straight to my feet.  He suspects that I have strep and staff throughout my body and also a Parvo virus that moves around and causes problems in different places (remember the old rheumatologist…..).

He says that he’s going to cure me and that I’m quite complicated and will be excited for him to fix me.  I think he’s going to turn me into a case study when it’s all said and done!

He even gave me something to turn off my brain.  He said that if I didn’t tell my husband, he would guarantee that hubby would notice it on his own in 7-14 days.  He said that my eyes will look more relaxed, not like they look now– which is like I’m about to be murdered.

Sooo..

This is my regimen:

I’m going back for a recheck in 2 weeks.  He thinks I’ll be cured in about 8 weeks.  I will be absolutely floored if this works!!  GOOD, positive thoughts ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Good Energy

I hit what felt like “rock bottom” two nights ago.  I didn’t go to jail– or screw up my marriage– but I was at an all time low– feeling completely helpless, hopeless and just plain sad.  This was Sunday and I had spent the whole day trying not to burst into tears over my foot and the uncertainties that have come with it.

I was on the floor playing Cribbage with the hubs trying not to think about my throbbing foot and the full day training I had to lead the following day.  I started to worry about whether or not it was infected– after all, I am on a medicine that can make it hard to fight infections.  What if I woke up and it was worse?  What if I can’t walk?  What if I have to cancel the back-to-back trainings I had to teach?  THIS felt like rock bottom.  Having a debilitating condition that was threatening my livelihood was a new low and the uncertainty was extremely bothersome to me.  But I kept it all in, because otherwise I would lose it completely.

As I tried to focus on the game, I remembered the power of positivity.  Here I was thinking negative thoughts and scenarios in my head.  I decided right then and there, NO more.  I was going to think positive.  I spoke to the Universe.  I spoke to God.  I spoke to anyone who would listen.  I wished and thought the pain away & I told myself how awesome my presentations would be.  I was going to rock it!  I went to bed Sunday night feeling hopeful.

Monday was terrific.  I woke up with a lot less pain in my foot, which was a huge relief.  My colleague and I rocked our training.  AND, I was able to get an appointment with that world renowned functional medicine doctor who I’ve been playing phone tag with.  They had a cancellation so I was able to get in THIS week!

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Today, Tuesday, has also been a great day so far.  My colleague and I ROCKED our other presentation this morning (which was the more nerve racking one!).  As soon as the presentations were over, the power went out.  The afternoon was supposed to be for us to stay and do records, but the power stayed out, so now I’m at home doing my report cards fireside ❤

So, yay!!  Done with the presentations and hope that things will get better.  I have to go to the foot doctor in a little bit for a recheck.  I’m not so frightened now because my foot feels a lot better.  Even if he wants to cast it, at least I can see that other doctor before I make a decision and feel more confident about that decision.

I NEED to stay positive to keep this momentum going ❤ ❤ ❤