When you’re drinking, it’s kind of like your life is clouded with a dark shroud. The sun is less bright, jokes are less funny, semi stressful situations seem impossibly daunting and the list goes on.
My mom would always hug her grandkids and talk about how fast they’re growing. Aunt Sandy’s house was always full as well. Uncle Ed was always there to entertain the boys or talk to us about anything and everything. Grandma was always in her chair and always enjoyed watching the many guests, old and new, come and go.
Last year at this time I was in such a desperate place. Nothing was worse than drinking every single night and wanting to stop but not being able to. I didn’t know if I would have to go away to rehab, or maybe just die this way, lose my job, lose my family, everything was uncertain and my future was grim– especially not knowing what was going to become of me.
“Do you know what sounds nice? Some wine sounds really good right now. You wouldn’t be so tired. You would feel carefree and oh so wonderful.” Betsy persuaded.
Right now, I’m happy and content doing what I’m doing. I do not feel in any way, shape or form that I am “white knuckling” it.
Guys– I finally feel like I hit a milestone! MOST of the time my alcoholic voice (Betsy) is silent. BUT.. every week or two she tries to talk me into drinking and all summer long I have caved into her wishes. NOT tonight– although it was the perfect opportunity. My dad took my kids forContinue reading “Practice and Persistence Makes Progress”
Yeah, I know, you’ve always been there. For decades I’ve given you my nightly time and attention, while neglecting others and myself. You demanded so much of my attention– I’ve had time for nothing else.
You take away my memory, the amnesia is a scary nightly occurrence. You have taken over my life.
Sunday morning here and this weekend has been a mixed bag so far. Friday night was great. I listened (didn’t participate or share) to an online AA meeting and I could relate with the other members. I got to bed late but slept in until 10:30am on Saturday morning. I had nothing pressing toContinue reading “The Lies of Addiction”
One step forward, two steps back. That’s how I feel on this funky Friday morning. Drank again yesterday, although I didn’t start last night. I started yester- day– yes during the day. Two nights ago drinking wine was pleasant. It felt good up until I went to bed (which I don’t remember). Yesterday the firstContinue reading “Pack Your Bags”
It is Thursday morning and I sadly woke up with a wine hangover headache. Let’s back up to Tuesday. On Tuesday, I wanted wine badly. Hubby gave me some tough love and I didn’t give in to the craving. It felt GREAT to wake up on Wednesday, knowing that I didn’t blow it. I nowContinue reading “Moderation Condemnation”