Just Another Sunday Funday

Superbowl Sunday– woohoo!!

This is one of the few days per year that my neighborhood has a party.  Well, mainly one neighbor– but she does invite the entire neighborhood, which includes our half mile long dead end street.

I’m not sure if I’ll go to the party.  There is a lot of drinkers and free flowing drinks.  Actually, after the Halloween party, I’m not 100% sure that I’m invited back (kept sneaking the hostesses liquor.. well, she is very generous, so she wouldn’t have mind, just the fact that I took it in a sneaky way.. desperation and addiction is a tricky thing).  I DO know that I DO NOT want to drink today.  I mean, really I kind of do.  BUT, I don’t want to give my Sunday night away to alcohol and I don’t want to start my week hungover.  Time will tell if I will make it to the party.

It’s been a pretty great weekend so far.  I conked out around 10:30 on Friday night and slept all the way till 10:00 am.  I was pretty lazy but got in a 2 mile slow shuffle walk with hubs and also went to Sam’s club.  Sam’s club has the best berries!

Today I was up around 8:30.  I’m washing my bedding and just put in my grocery order.  It’s going to be almost 50 today, and I have a 5K planned (informal, virtual race for February.  Everytime I do it I have a chance to beat my time and improve my status in the virtual race).

I shopped with the Daily Dozen in mind.  I intend on eating more fruits and vegetables this week.

Also, one of my goals was to increase strength training.  I have been doing 8 minute abs (it’s older but really my favorite ab workout!) a few times each week.  I’m thinking about getting a total gym or something else that can help me with weight/strength training.

WELL.. that’s about it.  Running, cooking/baking, laundry, maybe tidy up the house a little… sounds like a Sunday Funday to me!!!

 

Goal Diggin’

Thursday January 31, 2019

It’s been a long time since I wrote.  I’ll try to catch you up while getting to the point of things..

Florida-

This was a fun, yet Toxic, trip that had me wondering what I did to piss off the Universe.  It started out kind of stressful where we flew out of an ice storm and had to deal with the airport closing until 10:00 while we were supposed to take off at 8:55am. Luckily, we weren’t delayed for THAT long, but the whole morning was uneasy and I just wanted to get the heck out of Michigan.  I think it was at the airport that I made the mental switch from “I’m going to live healthy and continue working out and doing all my healthy things in Florida” to “Fuck it.”

Maybe it was that switch that ticked off the Universe.  Something did, because bad things kept happening:

  • My son left his gum from the plane on the floor of the bedroom and my sister’s young dog ate several pieces.  The gum had xylitol which can be extremely dangerous to dogs, even in small amounts.  Thank God, the dog was fine and never had any symptoms of poisoning, but it worried us for a bit.
  • The first morning down there we were woken up early by the alarm on the TV announcing to take cover due to a tornado warning.  Being super hungover, I put my pillow over my head and went right back to sleep with the rain and wind banging on the other side of the outside wall.  I’d like to think that if there was an actual funnel cloud coming, my dad or sister would have dragged me out of bed.
  • We found a man PASSED out cold half-way under his car while in Key Largo.  Hubby assisted to make sure he was ok, and he woke up and got up.  Paramedics showed up and called the police.  By the time the cop got there, the man had ate a frosty (we were at Wendy’s) and was looking much better.  The cop was looking for a tape of him driving into the parking lot totally wasted so he could arrest him, but didn’t have one so he was ticked because he had to let this guy go, and apparently he is a repeat criminal in Key Largo.  The whole situation made me feel really icky!
  • We went to Key Largo for 2 days.  The weather was super cold and rainy and my oldest son got his hand all bit up by a pelican while at a park there (we paid to feed the fish at this park, and the pelicans were attacking us every which way to try to steal the fish food.)
  • The day after Key Largo was our last full day.  It poured ALL. DAY. LONG.  In fact, Florida got record rainfall while we were there.
  • A huge snow storm hit on the day we were to fly back.  We were worried about our flight being delayed and the airport shutting down again.  We were delayed like 4 hours, but it was because our plane was having mechanical issues- not because of the weather in Michigan.  They ended up having to get a new plane for us, which made me feel better anyway.

 

All in all, all of this could have been much much worse, and I know this.  It was just all of the small stuff that added up.  Despite all of this, Florida was a lot of fun.  It was nice to spend time with my sister, her family and my dad.  I drank every night and got in zero walk/run miles.  I did not meditate at all.  I ate awfully down there too.  By the last day, I felt more toxic than a nuclear power plant.  Even my urine seemed to stink so bad (sorry for the TMI).  I was excited to get home and resume a healthier way of life and sad that I was unable to keep up the good habits in Florida.  Many days were such slow starts not feeling my best.  Coffee and food didn’t taste as good, the sounds of the kids were way too loud and most everything made me edgy.  Drinking IS truly borrowing tomorrow’s happiness and my whole time in Florida was spent on loan.

I was able to get right back on track after arriving home.  Largely in part to getting 2 cold days off work right away AKA lots of extra time to put my good practices to use.  I had a great workout (for the first time since last week) yesterday, but not sure it would have happened if I had to work and was still catching up from the exhaust fullness of the trip.  While on the treadmill (because, you know, it’s like -15 real feel where I am at right now..) yesterday I got the email that school is closed again today.  It really felt like I was once again loved by the Universe!

Even though I slacked off so bad during the trip, I’ve met my mileage goal of 40 miles for the month of January (currently at 41.15 miles, NOT including the killer at least 3 mile workout I’m going to do today).  Woo hoo!!!  I love meeting my goals!

I’m happy to report that my health is doing great right now.  I have decreased my pred from 10mg/day to 7.5mg/day for about 10 days now and still feeling good.  I think before I made the mistake of decreasing too fast.  I’m going to go down to 5mg soon, just wanted to make sure all the alcohol was out of my system first– probably in the next day or two.

The biggest thing I need to start focusing is my eating.  I have an idea.  Dr. Greger is a world renowned plant based doctor that promotes The Daily Dozen to eat healthily.  This is a list of 12 foods that we should be eating daily.

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I really like meeting my goals.  I really don’t like to limit things in my life.  I don’t want to vow to NOT eat sweets, or whatever it is I want.  BUT.. if I shopped and planned for eating the daily dozen, and was proud each night of meeting that goal, then that would leave very little space leftover for a bunch of junky food.  Just like alcohol.. it’s been helpful to focus on meeting my workout and wellness goals when I don’t drink vs. not being able to meet those goals.  So I’m pretty excited about this idea and hopeful it’ll work for me.  It isn’t even about losing weight right now, it’s about keeping my body feeling good with good nutrition, meditation and exercise.  THIS is the only thing that I can think of that might actually help me get that nutrition piece in.

Since I’m off again today, and it’s almost the weekend, I’m planning on spending extra time making a menu/shopping plan for next week that incorporates the daily dozen.

That’s all I’ve got for today!   Happy almost February ❤ ❤ ❤

 

For more information on Dr. Greger and the daily dozen see attached links 

 

 

 

My Best Life

Getting up at 5:00am with the littlest to see the peak meteor showers.

Cleaning out closets one by one while I’m off work- purging bag after bag of things I never use after being a married adult for 18 years.

Walking 2 miles while my foot is still hurting– because walking on it ultimately helps work it out and my dog needs exercise, and I need to work on my mileage goal.

Brushing my teeth and washing my face before bed because it feels SO good to go to bed with that fresh feeling.

Flushing the random fleeting romantic “I should drink some wine” thoughts down the toilet.

Following that ‘so called’ romantic drink to a place that I know it will lead to and that’s a place that I don’t want to be at.

I’m 41 years old and at this point in my life I want to live my best life.  I want to meet my goals and follow my dreams.  No one is standing in my way– except alcohol.  The same alcohol that stole Christmas Eve from me.  It also stole New Years Eve. Heck, it stole my entire 3rd decade.

That’s what it does, it takes takes takes.  But, alcohol, I’m on to you.  I’ve gotten smart.  I won’t let you take my best life from me anymore.

I like to get up way before dawn to see meteoroids with my youngest who loves space and science.  We will sip hot chocolate and coffee and talk in the wee hours about space stations, and aliens and stars and planets.

I will clean out my clutter– in my house, in my head and in my body.  I will live in a clean and clear way, on the outside and the inside.

Without alcohol, I can and will live my best life ❤

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Thursday Musings

Hello Thursday!  Four days left of vacation and I am soaking it all in (staycation).

I woke up with a throbbing foot.  I’m not sure if it’s because I decreased my pred down from 10mg to 5mg per day a few days ago or that I drank alcohol for two nights in a row.

I took motrin and am hoping that it starts to feel better so that I can get in a few miles today.  I’m already behind on my mileage goal and it’s making me a little anxious!  NO more alcohol!

Waking up on Day 2 feels really good.  I actually slept very well last night after a relaxing (lazy) night of watching tv.  I didn’t feel guilty having a lazy night because I had a pretty productive day.  I got my hair done, and then went to target (to spend a $20 gift card from Christmas) and Kroger.  I made a healthy vegan banana bread and a yummy vegetarian dinner.  We have a cupboard that has a lot of room but was bursting at the seams, so I cleaned it out, purged and reorganized.

Today I’m going to clean out our coat and linen closet and do a lot of purging (decluttering feels really good).

I’m also taking the boys for haircuts and Panera for lunch to spend my free meal coupon.  Then maybe we’ll do something fun like an arcade, movie or indoor mini golf.  Hoping to get in a workout later, but that depends on my foot.

Soaking it all in before getting back to the grind.

Happy Thursday!

 

Extraordinary

The first day of the new year always seems to feel fresh and exciting.  SO many promises and hopes, dreams, etc.  A new chapter, the beginning of something novel.

I’ve been up since around 5am and it’s been so peaceful and serene around here. I’ve had lots of time to think and reflect.

2018: A Year in Review

Overall, 2018 was a good year.  Here are some fun memories:

  • Buying kayaks for our 17th anniversary, taking them out and having them sink in Lake Huron.  Having to be rescued by aunt Sandy and taking our wet kayaks right back to the freakin’ Walmart.  We bought the more expensive boats too– thinking that they would be nice.  Nothing nice comes from Walmart.
  • Making hubby go to a Refuge Recovery meeting at the Catfe.  The group meditation was wonderful until a cat peed in the money basket and on someone’s shoes.  The meeting only got darker after the meditation and I haven’t been back since.
  • Meeting my goal of riding my bike 150 miles in the month of June.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to make it for a minute.  Smashing that goal felt SOOOOOO good mentally and makes me realize that I need more weekly/monthly goals in 2019.
  • Finding Dr. Tent.  He has improved my health journey immensely.  I was like a lost soul trying to navigate natural wellness in the dark without a flashlight.  He’s lit the path for me and I am continuing to improve physically and mentally.
  • Discovering meditation.  I have found myself recommending mediation to practically everyone for every ailment.  You’re anxious but highly against taking medication?  Meditate!  You’re depressed?  Meditate!  You can’t focus to save your life?  Meditate!  You’re in pain? Meditate!  I can’t say it enough and the benefits are countless.  I even integrated it into my curriculum at school and created “Mindful Mondays”  where we start off our week by practicing mindful thinking for 5 minutes and writing a reflection in our journal.  This has been so successful that one of my parapros suggested we do it everyday the last week before break because the kids were so amped up and needed it.
  • Reading “The Four Agreements”  This book has become my bible.  I will blog about it sometime soon.  I have also found myself recommending this book to everyone for every which reason.  Understanding the principles of this book has provided me with inner peace and self love and respect that I was missing before.
  • Braces!  I. Still. Can’t. Believe. I. Did. It.  13 months ago my teeth were SO neglected.  I was terrified of the dentist and it had been over 5 years since I had a dental cleaning.  One broken tooth and a new dental office that I love changed everything.  Over the course of a year I was able to get all my problems fixed and my teeth cleaned (twice!).  Then the braces.  I’ve had them for almost 2 months and my upper teeth already look much more aligned.  It definitely has been a self-esteem boost.

Whew–  I am grateful for all of this!  I think that 2019 is going to be a great year.  I want to do more of the things that make my soul happy.

One area that I really want to rev up is my fitness.  I’ve been a workout slacker who is good about getting out there, but doesn’t push myself like I should. I’m going to be paying more attention to my pace and setting goals for myself.  I also want to incorporate strength training into my routine, even if it’s just twice a week (I HATE it– I just want to put on my shoes, go out and move without having to think about it).

I want to read more, write more (hello book, maybe?), meditate regularly, work on the steps, spend more time with family and friends, and I think I’m ready to take the vegan plunge.

Hello January 1st, Hello 2019– I am going to make you extraordinary ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Glorious 

The last thing I wanted to do today is get my butt outside & moving.  

I’ve been (yet again) decreasing my pred, so I have decent levels of aches & pains today & my foot has been ok but now I have a stiff ankle problem that I’m trying to work out.  Plus I’m a little sore from walking over 3 miles yesterday.  

BUT… it’s the end of December in Michigan and sunny and in the 50’s (rare, but wonderful).  So I couldn’t pass up at least a couple mile walk with the pooch.  

Before I left I was super crabby & short with my family.  Going out turned out to be the best medicine.  

The bright sun shining on my face was glorious.  The mild temperature seemed more like spring than the start of winter.  Shortly after getting out I felt much better.  I wanted to go at least 2 miles but ended up going to 3.  I even ran for a couple short minutes (nursing that ankle 🤨).  

Now it’s time to get these Christmas decorations put away & the house cleaned up and back together.  

Have a great day everyone!

The Exhausting Addiction Cycle

I read a blog some time ago that has really been on my mind lately. It was about relapsing and going through the most difficult part of sobriety over and over and over again.

I feel like this has been where I’m at since July (UGH, like a whole 1/2 year wasted.. makes me feel kind of sick to think about). When I’m not drinking the first month or so is the hardest physically, mentally and emotionally. Especially weeks 2-4 where I could sleep like 12 hours a day. Even those few drinks Xmas eve messed me up for days (sleep, irritability and piece of mind, etc).

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Not sure what my point is here, other than to be annoyed at myself. BUT I’m hoping that this knowledge and experience can help douse the PAWS fire that tends to heat up around days 10-14 and randomly pops up throughout early sobriety (and probably later, although I’ve never been past early sobriety– so I wouldn’t know).

I’m really tired of starting over and this awful cycle 😔

Time to pull up my bootstraps and conquer this “thing” that only wants to take over and ruin my life.  I am so much more than this stupid alcohol addiction.  F*** You alcohol &

Betsy too!!

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Namaste: Deep Breaths after the Holiday

I bow to you, you made it.. WE made it!!  PHEW!!

Christmas for me, was actually really pretty nice (besides being overly tired from too little sleep the night before).  We leisurely spent the morning enjoying our gifts and cleaning up.  We walked to my in laws and had a delicious dinner (I can’t believe I actually was ranting a few days ago about it all being too ‘fancy’ – It was good food and pretty laid back.  Shame on me).  After dinner we played a few games, had a lot of laughs and then had time to chat.

My sister in law (the one who had her kids taken away last summer and is going through a divorce) was there and appears to be doing well.  She looks about 100 times better physically and we had an honest chat.  For a long time, it felt like we were fake and she was fake– having to fake smiles and not talk about this situation.  My hubby and I had some good one-on-one time with her and for the first time in a long time it all felt honest, raw and good.  I told her a few things that I had been meaning to over the summer (like acknowledging that any one of us, especially me who is prone to addiction, could be in her same situation had we married someone who spiraled down like her husband did and we also got to talking about going to AA).

I hope that my honesty and the things that I shared were helpful, but sometimes it’s hard to know and you question whether or not you made things better or worse.

We left around 8:00, which gave us some time before bed to chat about the day and get in a game of Cribbage.  Unfortunately, I had a hard time sleeping again (damn that Christmas eve blip– messed me up for days), but woke up without a hangover so I was still able to have a productive day.

I was busy the day after Christmas!  I packaged up and mailed my Avon returns, picked up meds for Jules, got my license renewed, had a lunch date with hubby, went to Sam’s club to get berries and cherries (hello toxic food detox), took Jules for a 2 1/2 mile walk, washed all of ours and our oldest’s bedding (he spent the day cleaning and organizing his room to make way for his new huge TV), took a nap, had lots of coffee and watched a movie.

Oh and when I was awake 1/2 the night on Christmas eve, I found a great Groupon deal to test for food sensitivities and gut issues, so I bought it.  I got the form completed and printed and mailed it off yesterday with hair samples for the test.  Hopefully this will help me on my journey to good health.

Last night I slept much better.  I had to get up at 8:30 because I had an appointment to pick up my orthotics.  Thank goodness I set my alarm, I probably would have slept past 9.

I just got back from my appointment and am going to take Jules for a walk before the rain starts.  I’m hoping to get all of the Christmas decorations put away and the house back to normal.  Need to get groceries but thinking about having them delivered (I shouldn’t since I’m off work right now, but MAN this service is really fantastic!).

Whether the holidays were joyous or stressful, or maybe a mixture of both, we made it!  Pat yourself on the back, indulge on the self care, take a minute (or two) to slow down and be thankful ❤ ❤ ❤

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Merry Christmas

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I’m feeling a mixed bag of emotions this morning.  I’m really upset with myself because I drank last night.

We were celebrating at my dad’s and my sister was drinking wine (as usual).  We brought a bunch of La Croix and Bai drinks and while I considered but then talked myself out of drinking wine, I ended up pouring vodka into 2 of my bai drinks.  My dad had a collection of liquor bottles on his counter (no one but my sister was drinking last night, this was from a party or something that he had previously).  I was bored and slightly irritated and it was there.

Didn’t plan on drinking and I’m not happy about it one bit.  The vodka actually stole my Christmas eve.  We got home early (around 8) and I passed right out.  Didn’t help arrange the kids’ gifts, didn’t leave out milk and cookies and didn’t move the elf.  On a positive note, since I crashed so early, I got up at 2 am to move the elf and leave out milk and cookies.  Then I proceeded to lay in bed for the next several hours, trying to sleep and trying not to hate myself for drinking poison last night.  I hate the drink!

Here’s the cool part:  MY relapses in the past have lasted days or weeks.  I’ve never had a one night blip.  I do not believe that I will drink tonight- or tomorrow night.  It wasn’t very fun to drink last night, it made me feel like crap, it stole the night with my family and now I’m going to be overly tired today from a night of messed up sleep.  Hopefully I will never drink again– and if I do– hopefully I can recognize for what it is– shit!  That is progress.

My day counter…

Today my day counter says that I’ve been sober for 16 days.  I’ve been meticulous about setting back my counter whenever I drink.  BUT… I’m considering not setting it back to zero- but to set it back one day.  Not that I care about losing the 16 days, but I’ve been diligently tracking my patterns and I’m sure that a month from now I won’t forget the one night blip on Christmas eve.  Also, I know this is very mental, but resetting back to zero almost gives me permission to drink the next few nights, because what the heck, I’m at zero already anyways right?  I’m still torn on this but will probably end up resetting.  I won’t forget that I had 2 weeks sober before Christmas.

Christmas Day

Despite the blip, missing last night and sleeping horribly, I am feeling pretty optimistic today.  Physically, I don’t feel bad (hungover).  My pred is working and I’m going to take a morning walk in a bit and am going to try to run a little.  It’s 6:30 am and I’m anxiously waiting for the kids to get up.  They only got one present from us, but have a few things to open from their grandparents and also full stockings from Santa.  Hubby has a few gifts for me (I have NO idea what they are– just small things we shop for ourselves for our big gifts) and I have nothing for him.  We may have a present for us from his parents, I haven’t checked under the tree yet (they drop off the kids and our gifts the day before Christmas).

We will be heading to his parents house later.  I decided that it will not be a repeat of Thanksgiving.  I will not listen to my SIL or MIL while they rant for hours.  I will listen for a few and then remove myself from the situation.  Hopefully there won’t be a repeat, but I am setting my boundaries just in case.  It’s nice because they live behind us.  I am going to excuse myself early and come home and hang out with the dog and watch a chick flick.

Soooo.. that’s it.  Kind of excited to get today over with and get on with this wonderful vacation.  Merry Christmas ❤

 

Christmas Eve Eve Morning

Day 15 today!  Feeling good about being sober, but the rest of me might be falling apart.

I’m supposed to take my Humira every 7-10 days.  It’s been about 3 weeks since I took it.  I thought I had a Parvo Virus that mimicked RA and that I could not take it and not be in pain.  WRONG!  I woke up on Friday pretty sore all over.  Yesterday was even worse.  It gets better as I get up and moving and get Motrin in me, but it’s so discouraging to wake up in so much pain.  It robbed me of a productive day yesterday and I ended up restarting my pred last night.  My goal is to start decreasing it again after Christmas all while I clean up my diet.  I haven’t been eating awfully, but definitely have had too much sugar since Friday.

So.. another disappointment this season.  I’m going back to the natural guy on January 8th.  I’ll be able to tell him that I haven’t been drinking, but I’ll have to tell him that I’m still flaring everywhere when I’m off my meds.  Hopefully he can help me figure this out, as I truly don’t believe that Humira is the answer– rather it is a potentially dangerous band-aid.

Today is Sunday morning and it’s been a good weekend.  Yesterday we watched my little niece and nephew for a couple hours because their social worker was dropping off Christmas gifts and they weren’t allowed to be home.  They have improved SO much since last summer, it is truly a miraculous transformation.

Chris is 4 and when he was over a few months ago, it took him like a half hour to clean up all of the cars he was playing with (constantly got distracted, needed a million prompts to keep cleaning, etc).  Yesterday I heard him say, “I want to play something else.” He then proceeded to clean up his cars (in about 5 minutes) without us telling him to and gave the bin of cars to my teenager and asked him to get him the “guys” out to play.  It’s something minor, but just these little things make me see how far these kids have come.

After they went home, we drove out to my sister’s house to help her fix a few things.  She is going to be selling her house and needs some minor things done.  Unfortunately, she didn’t have everything she thought she did, so my other sister’s boyfriend had to run to Home Depot and the guys didn’t get a lot done.  They did get a few things done and now know exactly what tools they need to bring for next time.   It wasn’t that much fun hanging out with my sisters yesterday while the guys worked.  I was just kind of crabby due to my body pains and didn’t really talk about it because they just wouldn’t understand.  It’s ok I’ll see them again tomorrow and should be happier, the pred should kick in by then!

So now it’s Sunday and we have to go do last minute shopping for our nieces and nephews– oh and some food to bring with us tomorrow and Christmas.  It’s almost 11:30 and I actually slept in past 10!  It was SO nice.  Would’ve maybe slept longer but stupid Milo was meowing and scratching at my bedroom door.

My whole family is downstairs so I’m enjoying waking up with my coffee by the fire, thoroughly enjoying the peace and quiet!

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I was feeling so unprepared this holiday season, but I’m glad that I didn’t drive myself nuts stressing about being overly prepared.  It’s ok to do the minimal– in fact, sometimes it’s necessary ❤