As I was riding and feeling so alive, I thought about alcohol for a millisecond. I thought about how I used to drink it to celebrate when I was super happy and how I used to drink it to drown my sorrows when I was sad. Getting a new car would certainly be a reason to toast and chug down glass after glass of wine. I felt so incredibly grateful for being where I am at– picking up my bike at 9pm NOT a glass of poison. THIS is living, living the good life.
Today is one of those bittersweet days. It’s a day that I wake up remembering that I am missing my mom, but also feel grateful for my kids and family that is still here.
It is so incredibly easy to feel grateful on a day like today. It is Sunday morning, warm enough to have coffee on deck (1st time of the season) and the sounds of birds chirping and singing are everywhere. It’s nice to be able to relax after a day like yesterday. I had to wakeContinue reading “Grateful for every Sober Day”
I have no idea how my body even kept up. Some days I got through the day just by doing the minimum tasks possible. Often times I was crabby with my kids and any additional life “things” caused extreme anxiety and stress. My instinct, my quick fix was to get my chores done, and then DRINK. It gave me energy and helped me forget about the things I was so anxious about.
God provides the spiritual guidance that helps me navigate life in a healthy, happy and pure way. Alcohol is the devil that masks my life surrounding everything with a black shroud and causes anxiety, depression and isolation.
On the way home from work, Betsy was yapping her big mouth. NOT today Besty, NOT today. Your empty promises mean nothing to me, and I need to sort out all of this messiness with a clear mind and able body, knowing that my HP has my back.
Jules is my heart dog. We got him in 2014– the worst year of my life so far. In May 2014 we lost our 13 year old boxer. We intended on waiting awhile (like a year) to get another dog– although I was continuously looking on petfinder because not having a dog created a huge void in our house. In July 2014, I lost my mom suddenly. On the morning that she died, I looked at hubby and said, “I need to get a puppy.”
Do you know how much I would give to have two parents to hold my hand during the scariest parts of my addiction?
Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. My belief statements: I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable Alcohol has caused a decline in my mental health and sanity Alcohol is a bigger problem than I can handle on my own IContinue reading “Step 2 Work: A Power Greater than Ourselves Could Restore us to Sanity”
I need to continue to work on step 2 a bit. I love my higher power and the idea of Him– but I’m not 100% confident that I know how to access my HP when Betsy talks me into a drink. I mean, I’m not planning on drinking. I haven’t had any urges or cravings lately, but know that eventually they will come. If Betsy starts to win the argument in my head (this has happened before), I don’t know how to use my HP to stop the thoughts in my head.