I have a bad habit of starting things but not following through with them. Such as: meditation, regular elliptical usage to shape my legs, yoga, pilates, veganism, shakeology, probiotics, books (like over 30 on my shelf that I have started), AA meetings, womens meetings, juicing, stepwork, various workout programs, walking at lunch, sewing, piano lessons, pretty much you name it, I tried it a couple of times and then quit.
If you are lucky enough to get off the Total Life and Happiness Suck merry-go-round, then you will see. Anxiety dwindles and it is easier to shrug off day to day life stresses. You wake up feeling alive and well-rested, a major change from the misery that used to encompass every morning routine and shroud your entire existence in a blanket of guilt and shame.
Then there are my friends who blatantly insult me because of my beliefs. Basically I’ve been called an idiot, moron and a dumb-ass because I have zero interest in going to work at an elementary school with a gun attached to my hip (my aim is really bad). They didn’t call me those names specifically, but their posts state that a teacher is those things if they oppose carrying guns while working at a school.
So.. my birthday happened, my friends came & it was a great celebration & alcohol was a welcome and tame guest. In all regards, it would appear that my struggle with alcohol is a think of the past– right???
I am so lucky. I am not a rat in an experiment. I have the choice and will always have the choice of which cage to spend my days in. I can escape from life or live life.
Scrolling through social media, I found a triathlon in Bay City that sounded super cool. It isn’t until September, so there is plenty of time to work up my stamina. It’s called a driathlon because instead of swimming, you canoe with your teammate. I told the hubz about it and he said, “SURE, sign us up.” BOY oh boy that totally made my day!
I will think, “NO, that’s not going to happen”, but that’s not the end. Betsy keeps putting thoughts of drinking into my head and each time, my sane mind starts to find the thought of drinking more and more appealing. With that, Betsy gets louder and louder until my sane mind says, “FFFF it! I want to drink so I’m going to gosh darn it– and nobody or nothing is going to stop me!”
Now my mind is going. Going going going. And Betsy has begun yapping about how much I deserve some wine. I don’t have any, but I DO need to run to the grocery store later…
I’ve been dreading this post, but it has to be written. From the beginning, the most important thing to me was to be honest and transparent. In the beginning there was a whole lot of ugliness, AKA all of my posts from 2016. In 2017 things got much better and my posts were mostly positive. Continue reading “Day Drinking”
I miss the days when lockdown drills seemed so unnecessary and silly. In today’s world, they are crucial. Nevertheless, as time goes by and the bad thoughts go away and the procedural stuff dies down, life will return to normal and good.