THIS is how I would like to feel: I can’t control what happens to me or my loved ones all the time. God has a plan and I don’t know what that entails, but know that he will help me get through the tough times— always. The next time I lose someone that I love, I can grieve without alcohol– or I can pick up the bottle again. Drinking will not make it better– in fact, it will just make everything so much harder. I know that during the toughest times of my life, God will help me make it through without picking up a drink, I trust him.
It is 4 years later and I still think about the epiphany occasionally. I find this house incredibly peaceful. Everytime I walk through the kitchen and see deer in the backyard– or on the deck watching the small animals and birds in the yard– I am at total peace. The house isn’t great– it is old and boxy and some of it is outdated. But it is a sprawling ranch on a good chunk of land and I completely love it here <3
Today is one of those bittersweet days. It’s a day that I wake up remembering that I am missing my mom, but also feel grateful for my kids and family that is still here.
Jules is my heart dog. We got him in 2014– the worst year of my life so far. In May 2014 we lost our 13 year old boxer. We intended on waiting awhile (like a year) to get another dog– although I was continuously looking on petfinder because not having a dog created a huge void in our house. In July 2014, I lost my mom suddenly. On the morning that she died, I looked at hubby and said, “I need to get a puppy.”
So this idea of perfection, it’s just an idea and isn’t even anything tangible. Thinking and wanting will do nothing but make you sad and unhappy. We must take social media with a grain of salt and realize that we are not seeing the whole picture.