24 Hours

It’s been a busy couple of days. I drank once since the last time I wrote and I believe it’ll be the last. I was SO filled with guilt and shame the next day, it still makes me cry. This is what I posted in my sober circle that sums it up: Super ugly postContinue reading “24 Hours”

The Devil Inside

I’ve been thinking a lot about my thinking. I’ve been researching also and have read some really great books about our powerful mind– and that pesky voice– you know, the one I call Betsy. I’ve been noticing things that intrigue me, and wondering. Why am I so depressed when I’m not sober? Is it becauseContinue reading “The Devil Inside”

My WHY

My kids My hubby My extended family My health (mental, emotional, physical) My students To remember going to bed and what I said To be productive at work To wake up clear headed and energized To sleep well To pursue my hobbies and create new ones To be able to exercise and push myself harderContinue reading “My WHY”

Diabetes Fun

I am not always proud of my parenting skills– I think that is normal and to be expected. Sometimes I lose my temper, or don’t follow through with things.. But I am doing the best that I can and at the end of the day my boys know that they are loved. Having a childContinue reading “Diabetes Fun”

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yesterday was gross, like all of it, just ick. It wasn’t what happened, so much, it was more how I felt and dealing with those feelings. Not long ago, you see, those same exact feelings would have me reaching for external comfort– food, liquor, wine, pot… any of it would do. So.. when what startedContinue reading “The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day”

White Feathers, Signs, Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde and Suicide

Come to think of it, why did I even think my coat was stuffed with feathers?  I knew that it can be a sign, but I haven’t looked it up recently, so, right now, as I’m writing this I decided to look it up.  The very first thing that popped up and was highlighted was exactly what I was looking for.  And the date it was posted happened to be on my mom’s death day.  

In the Devil’s Grip

Ahhhhh…. remember the good old days, with longer stretches of sobriety– and me loving getting in some extra exercise on my glorious and beloved sober weekend? Either do it.  It seems like a lifetime ago. This weekend I was particularly brutal to myself.  We had to watch our niece Friday night and I was horrifiedContinue reading “In the Devil’s Grip”

One Cold February

Today is the last day of mid winter break and I found myself awake before 5:00 am.  I am thoroughly enjoying the peaceful house this morning. It’s been a nice, low key break. And the skunk smell is finally gone from our home. Yesterday was particularly nice and productive, yet enjoyable.  I got up, washedContinue reading “One Cold February”

A Very Stinky Week

What was supposed to be a fabulous weekend is turning miserable.  It started on Wednesday. Wednesday was my late mom’s birthday.  I woke up for work and as I got out of bed I looked out into the backyard.  I do this every morning, hoping to catch a glimpse of a deer or coyote.  IContinue reading “A Very Stinky Week”

Love, the Universe

Thursday February 14, 2019 I haven’t written in quite awhile.  Things have been pretty good.  I DID end up drinking on Super Bowl Sunday, my last post.  I think it was the anxiety of thinking about whether or not to go to the neighbor’s party plus thinking that I deserve to have some fun onContinue reading “Love, the Universe”