I’m feeling a mixed bag of emotions this morning. I’m really upset with myself because I drank last night. We were celebrating at my dad’s and my sister was drinking wine (as usual). We brought a bunch of La Croix and Bai drinks and while I considered but then talked myself out of drinking wine,Continue reading “Merry Christmas”
Day 15 today! Feeling good about being sober, but the rest of me might be falling apart. I’m supposed to take my Humira every 7-10 days. It’s been about 3 weeks since I took it. I thought I had a Parvo Virus that mimicked RA and that I could not take it and not beContinue reading “Christmas Eve Eve Morning”
I know I said this before, but I am just not feeling it this Christmas season! It’s days away and I’m barely prepared and don’t even care. I’ve felt extra sad this week about my mom not being here. She has been gone for over 4 years and I’ve been racking my brain trying toContinue reading “The Pain of Not Drinking”
Overall this has been my favorite summer so far. Besides that one small spell, I haven’t been in a funk and am in a good place physically, spiritually and mentally. Today is day 108 and if you would have told me a few years ago that I would have a summer of no drinking and it would be my happiest summer yet, I would have told you to shut the front door!
Tomorrow, Friday and the weekend will be good. HOT and sunny, I plan to bike ride, swim and read while floating in the pool. We are going up north next week to celebrate the 4th. It will be fun and festive and nice to hang out with my dad up there.
THIS is how I would like to feel: I can’t control what happens to me or my loved ones all the time. God has a plan and I don’t know what that entails, but know that he will help me get through the tough times— always. The next time I lose someone that I love, I can grieve without alcohol– or I can pick up the bottle again. Drinking will not make it better– in fact, it will just make everything so much harder. I know that during the toughest times of my life, God will help me make it through without picking up a drink, I trust him.
It is 4 years later and I still think about the epiphany occasionally. I find this house incredibly peaceful. Everytime I walk through the kitchen and see deer in the backyard– or on the deck watching the small animals and birds in the yard– I am at total peace. The house isn’t great– it is old and boxy and some of it is outdated. But it is a sprawling ranch on a good chunk of land and I completely love it here <3
Today is one of those bittersweet days. It’s a day that I wake up remembering that I am missing my mom, but also feel grateful for my kids and family that is still here.
Jules is my heart dog. We got him in 2014– the worst year of my life so far. In May 2014 we lost our 13 year old boxer. We intended on waiting awhile (like a year) to get another dog– although I was continuously looking on petfinder because not having a dog created a huge void in our house. In July 2014, I lost my mom suddenly. On the morning that she died, I looked at hubby and said, “I need to get a puppy.”