All Apologies

It’s a hot day, my windows are down and I am doing 90 on the freeway. I’m on my way to pick up three teenagers from a school event.  Nirvana is blaring on the radio.

Only it’s not 2019, it’s 1993.  I’m in my 1986 Sunbird with the windows down and Nirvana cranked up.  I am on my way to Hungry Howies to work my evening shift.  I am 16 and life is pretty simple.  Normal 16 year old worries– but simple.

I’m 72 days sober today, and still learning how to handle my emotions.  Music helps and feeling like I’m in my 16 year old shoes is therapeutic.

This week has been a rough one.  On Monday, I had a follow up visit for my puppy who could have a serious medical problem.  I took him to my well respected friend veterinarian who I worked with for many years in my young adulthood.  She was optimistic and told me to bring in a first of the morning urine sample on Friday long after the stress of the vet visit is long gone.  She called this afternoon and left a message that his specific gravity is low (hello kidney failure) and that she was still waiting on the cortisol/creatine ratio test.  No answers, but lots of unanswered questions.  He’s a MUTT and only 5, aren’t they supposed to be healthy?

On Wednesday, my youngest had some day old bug bites that were looking nasty.  After a day of treating with OTC stuff, I decided to take him to Urgent Care for peace of mind and so that I didn’t have to miss work if he did need antibiotics.  Urgent Care didn’t give him anything and misdiagnosed him with impetigo– and we were there for a good two hours.  SO.. he got worse at school the next day, and I had to take a half-day off work to take him to his regular pediatrician.  He is doing much better, thank goodness– but it was a very frustrating couple of days.

Work has been more than irritating.  We have to have our rooms packed up (renovation) by midnight of the last day of school.  SO.. the last day that we have kids, we have to be all packed up simultaneously.  The stress is high and there has been way more adult drama than I can stand.  Hallelujah that next week is the last week!

Today took the cake.  My sister in law, the one who lost her kids last summer, and who was doing good at winning them back, really messed up.  She is cleared to get her kids back but needs her own place first (she’s currently living with her brother).  Her parents cosigned on a nice 3 bedroom trailer and she is set to move in next weekend.  CPS is going to keep an eye on her and if she drinks at all she loses them for good.

She got arrested last night for DUI.

I have no idea what is going to happen next.  Her parents are beside themselves about to have a nervous breakdown.  They’ve put a whole year on hold to help her, all for her kids and the chance for them to be with their mom.

I miss age 16.  I miss worrying about parties and boys and high school finals.

So, I’m sitting on my deck writing this, listening to Nirvana with the same angst I had at age 16.  Being sad, but being ok with it.

 

60 Days

Sixty days ago I woke up around 4:00 am in a puddle of piss– on school day no less.  I changed and went back to sleep on the couch, trying to sleep off my ginormous headache.

To say I was physically impaired the next day is an understatement, although that wasn’t even my biggest ailment.  The guilt and shame was far worse than the physical hangover.  I showered, but still felt as though I smelled of pee all day long.  Work was long, and awful and I was worried that my husband was going to leave me.  When he texted asking a simple question, I was sure he was done.

In reality, he is far more forgiving.  Despite the awful day, we had a nice evening. The weather was nice and we rode our bikes up to a local restaurant.  During dinner, I leveled with him, telling him that I have to stop drinking and have to dump out all of the alcohol around the house.

Maybe that horrible awful day was a blessing.  The final thing that made me finally realize that I cannot handle drinking.  The day I surrendered.  I AM powerless over alcohol– no doubt about it.

Fast forward to day 60.  I am much healthier and happier today.  I’ve had two other extended periods of sobriety (93 days in 2017 and 127 days in 2018), but this time has been my favorite yet.  I just know in my heart of hearts, that I can’t go back.  Even when my sister talks about visiting Michigan (she hasn’t been up here in about 3 years, maybe 4 I’m not sure) and we talk about going to a summer concert with the other sister (we haven’t all 3 been together in years), the first thing that I said is, “I can be the DD!”   The desire of drinking didn’t even cross my mind (and hopefully it will stay that way).  I thank God for this and pray that the strong will continues.  Before I could have easily used my visiting sister as an excuse to binge, one last time.

It is Sunday of Memorial Day weekend.  Yesterday we had GORGEOUS weather, but I don’t think we’ll be so lucky today and tomorrow.  It’s going to be much cooler and rainy.  Here are some pics of the weekend so far:

Nothing major, but all good things.  Yesterday I took my youngest to a couple specialty stores (Fresh Thyme for produce and Trader Joes).  Although he came grudgingly, he had a nice time picking out healthy and unhealthy vegan foods.  It is truly the simple things that can be so good in life.  I posted our dinner because it was plant based and delicious!  I DO love this way of eating and it makes my heart happy.

Happy Memorial Day, and thank you to all of the soldiers who make daily sacrifices for our freedom ❤

Pangs of Jealousy

I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I’ve written.  It’s been a crazy busy couple of weeks!  The weather is finally getting nice– I was surprised when walking out of work today that it was sunny and 80.  We’ve been adding water to the pool all week and tonight I think Anthony is going to hook up all of the hoses and filters– ALMOST pool time!!

Pool
It’s hard to believe that this pool will look inviting by the weekend!

Life is still pretty crazy all around.  Some of my close family members are fighting.  I offer support but try to avoid feeding into the negativity and try to make the rational ones see that the other’s are being irrational and to step away.  Most of them drink a lot and it’s hard sometimes when I’m talking to them over the phone and they are slurring their words.  Mostly I am just sad for them– but slightly envious of their escape route.  Not that envious though– as my life is really pretty great right now– mostly because I am strong and sober.

My puppy turned 5 yesterday.  It’s been a bittersweet week with him.  I had some blood work done last week as he’s been drinking a lot of water.  His liver is showing a problem so I had to catch and drop off a urine because they think he might have Cushing’s Disease.  Naturally, his urine showed that he might have it– so they have to do another test.  Internet research on this is scary.  It can be treated but the meds can make them very ill.  Meanwhile I have this little voice in my head that says that he is not going to live a long life and that his time with me was meant to be short.  I got him right after my mom died– all to help me through those dark days.  He and I have a very special bond and I am not nearly ready to lose him– yet I know I never will be even if he lives to 20.  Like everything else, one day at a time.

Happier topics– today is day 57.  Sobriety has always treated me well, but I’m especially loving it this time around.  It makes me sad to read so many posts on the internet about stress about not drinking this holiday weekend, at summer BBQ’s,  the beach, the summer. It’s all still not only great–but so much better without the toxic shit!  NOW, I understand that I have the best set of circumstances possible.  For one, I’m older than dirt.  When I say (and I say this all the time) that I’ve had a lifetime’s allowance of alcohol already, this is no exaggeration.  I may have had a couple of lifetime’s allotment, in all actuality.

For another thing, I am not routinely around drinkers.  Except maybe when we’re up at the cottage with my sister.  She drinks wine every night- but I was ok last year not partaking and enjoyed waking up bright and not hungover.  And I’ll be ok this year.  So I can appreciate that it might not be so easy– if you’re young or around drinking a lot– but sobriety still wins– hands down.

LaCroix coconut sparkling water in a wine glass feels like a special treat
Sparkling water in a wine glass is the perfect summer treat

I’m feeling confident that I am DONE with the toxic shit.  Waking up in a puddle of piss on a Thursday morning gave me enough shame to last a lifetime.  I NEVER want to put myself in the cycle again and risk being that out of it.

Snack
Took a break from blogging to help my little one eat a snack– yum! 

Another exciting thing is something I volunteered for.  I listen to a podcast called ODAAT Chat and the woman who produces it is so upbeat and great.  She asked for volunteers to work the steps and share out on her show.  I’m so happy to share that I got picked!  I’ve been meaning to work the steps for awhile now (It’s actually on my 2019 bucket list), so this will help move my butt into gear.  I am super excited and think that this could be a great opportunity for me to strengthen my sobriety even more.

Occasionally I have pangs of jealousy for normal drinkers.  Twice at work today, friends talked casually about having a glass of wine with friends on the patio– or going home and having a cold “blended” drink because she was on a field trip all day and totally hot and exhausted.

What I need to remind myself is that, these friends are normal drinkers.  One glass of wine on the patio has zero appeal to me.  I know that my drinking will never stop at one.  At least not without me being totally miserable.

That’s all I’ve got.  Life is good.  I love this time of year SO much.  I am so grateful for this life and my measly but hugely significant 57 days ❤

Weeding
Paying these goofballs to take care of this jungle I’ve been stressing over

 

This Too Shall Pass

This too shall pass. 

I feel like I’ve been saying this for weeks.

My intention was to write a positive post tonight.  After all, it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow and my boys and I are going to the Sasha Farm Sanctuary to learn about the cruelty of factory farms, to cuddle some farm animals and to eat some yummy vegan food.

It’s been a really gross week.

My sister has been going through turbulent times with her boyfriend, who is also the father of her 5 year old daughter.  He did something no one could have predicted and completely snapped Tuesday night.  While my sister and niece were sleeping he set the house on fire.  The fire alarms were turned off, but somehow my sister woke up and navigated her and my niece out through the smoke.

I really liked him.  I am so sad for my sister and niece, who will likely never see her father again.  And we are mourning the loss of him– because no matter what he can and will never be a part of the family again.

So I’ve been feeling in a funk since.  And the weather here totally sucks– cold and rainy, nearly every single day.  And work has been stressful– with testing and teachers stressed because I can’t do all of the things I normally do- all due to these USELESS state mandated tests.  They are completely inappropriate for our students and so incredibly time consuming for everyone.

I started to feel positive this evening when I declared to my beef wanting nachos teenager, “I can’t buy beef.”  I used to cook us separate meals (me vegetarian, them with real meat), but recently told them I was no longer cooking meat– but they are welcome to cook it.   After digging deeper into veganism, I realize that everytime I buy meat, eggs or dairy, I am supporting a very cruel industry.  I. Just. Can’t.  I put in a grocery order tonight, but I told my family, “You are welcome to buy and cook meat, but I can’t support that.”

My positivity was drained quickly when hubby came in from mowing the lawn.  He has been upset at our new neighbors for mowing part of our yard and not on the lot line.  I think he said something to him before, but he continues to cut on our side.  Well, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation tonight and I feel like he just waged war on our next door neighbors.  I can’t tell you how icky this makes me feel inside!  And kind of irritated with hubby– WHY does he have to create such a conflict?  UGH– I just feel so gross about it.  I want to write them a peace letter.  I also want them to stay on their side.

It’s Saturday night, and I wish I could feel the joy of having a free night with a day to sleep in tomorrow and exciting fun day to look forward.  All this darkness is casting a shadow on all the good things.  My vibrations right now are so low, I know this will only cause low vibrations to come back to me and cause more friction.

I’m trying to just breathe, because this too shall pass.

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Evil Dr. Google

Day 40 – It was a long Monday, filled with testing and feeling exhausted.  I’m not sure why I’m so fatigued– I’ve been eating a lot cleaner maybe my body is detoxing– or maybe it’s something else.

I hate hate hate Dr. Google right now.  I spent a good part of my Sunday being overjoyed at the results of my recent blood work.  I’ve been eating vegetarian for many weeks now and now am eating mostly vegan.

I read books and have gone to lectures that promote a plant based diet for good health.  While I believe all of that, there’s always a small voice inside me that questions it.  ONLY because I have an autoimmune disease and many people find success with controlling it with things like a paleo (meat) diet, a diet heavy in organ meats (YUCK) and bone broth.  So naturally, while my mind and conscious feel better eating this way, there’s always the question, “Am I making my condition worse?”

Well, number one:  My bloodwork showed my Uric Acid is slightly on the high side.  This would support Dr. Tent’s diagnosis of Gout.  It makes sense that crystals form and move around in my feet–probably why my pain moves around.  So I looked up how to lower your Uric Acid and it said to avoid the following foods:

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Well look at that!  I don’t eat ANY of those, hooray!!!!

Secondly, my B12 levels are HIGH.  Mine are 1751, and normal is 200-900.  B12 is something you need to worry about when not consuming animals, so this was nice to see.

I took this as a sign from the Universe that I was on the right path and all is well.  It provided me an immense amount of comfort, as I said before that little voice was always questioning this way of eating.  And another great thing, is that after recently putting on almost 10 pounds, in the past couple weeks that I’ve been eating cleaner and running harder, I lost almost all of that.  I was SO excited about my health.

Enter, Dr. Google….

Mid morning today, I decided to see what to do/what it means when you have a high B12 level.

I did not get the answer I expected.   Liver damage, kidney damage, leukemia and a few other weird (but fatal) diseases could cause your B12 level to be high.

Say What?????

Well, all my chemistries (BUN, CREATINE, ETC) were normal, so I’m assuming my kidneys and liver is ok.

So, it’s official.  I am dying.  My fatigue and weight loss make sense now.

I mean, I’m a little comforted by the fact that when my rhuemy called me to give me results she said all was fine except low iron stores and slight anemia (I sometimes need iron infusions).  So SHE wasn’t alarmed.  But, I don’t trust her to pick up on things.  Like she knows I have horrible pain in my feet, you think she would have seen my Uric Acid and told me to try to lower it with my diet.

So..  I printed all of my results after work and emailed them to my hematologist (who manages my iron/anemia) and stated that I was concerned about the high B12.

And so I wait.  And worry.

I hate you Dr. Google!

—————————————————UPDATE————————————————–

It looks as though I might not be dying after all! Spoke with the nurse at the hematologist’s office.   They are not concerned with the B12 level.  I will stop my supplement and get 2 iron infusions one week apart.  My appointment with the hematologist will be a month after my last iron infusion and she will check my B12 levels.  She did not see any reason to be concerned though.  Furthermore, I read that low B2 can cause the B12 levels to be high.  I have several symptoms of low B2, so I’m going to try to eat more B2 rich foods.   That is all!!!  I didn’t want anyone to lose sleep over my predicament 😛

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Here Comes the Sun

Today is Saturday and by all measures, I should be feeling so happy.

The sun is FINALLY shining.

I’m finally starting to shed the 10 pounds that I put on since the new year.

I woke up early to make it to my favorite specialty stores before they got busy.  I came home, put away and organized my new things and cleaned up the kitchen.  Then I juiced a bunch of veggies.  And all by 11 am.

My boys are all leaving later to go to a racetrack with scouts.  I have plans with my puppy to walk/run on the trails by the river.  Then… I don’t even know.  Massage?  Finally get my nails done?  Play with my cricut?  Haircut (long overdue)?  Work on some IEPs for work (nahhhhh)..

But I woke up feeling just SAD.  The sad thoughts won’t leave my mind.

I’m sad about my 5th grade students who will soon be off to the middle school.  They are SUCH a great group of kiddos.  They might get into fights with each other on recess and before school, but for me, the are absolutely angelic.   So much so, that when my principal asks if he can observe me 5 minutes before seeing their group, I know I have no worries.  The lesson is seamless, the kids are engaged and all wanting to read or answer my question.  It’s not like this with every group.  Last year, I had three boys and while they were nice kids, I just didn’t have a strong bond.  This group is different, maybe because 4 out of 5 are girls– I don’t know.

I’m sad about my nephew who has a tough life.  He usually has a smile on his face and is  a pleasure to be around.  He lives with his grandparents behind us and I drop him off at school everyday along with my son.  Many Fridays, when I exclaim in the morning, “TGIF boys!!” he responds, “Oh, it’s Friday?”   I always thought this was odd.  HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW ITS FRIDAY BOY????   Well, DUH….  for kids with a hard homelife, the weekend can be downright brutal.  I should have put two and two together, and finally did yesterday morning.  How sad.  He’s a great kid.  I pray that he continues to do well despite a hard home life.  I pray that when he and I have deep conversations, I can convey the message that he can be happy and successful, and can be strong despite the hardships he’s endured and continues to face.  And I cry for him.

I’m so grateful that he lives so close and spends a lot of time at our house and can goes on all the scout trips with my boys.  I dread the day that his mom gets him back and moves away.  My heart will always ache for him.

And it’s been a sad couple of weeks at work.  A retired teacher lost her adult daughter last week suddenly.  A former student of ours (who was now a 9th grader) passed away on Tuesday.  The rain wouldn’t stop falling and lunchroom conversations were political and depressing.

I was hoping that writing all this out would help– but I still feel like I need a good cry.

I’m thinking of the happiest memories throughout my life.

That time in my teens when I was going through a turbulent relationship and I would escape to Indian Springs and rollerblade the 8-10 mile track.  That made me SO happy.

That time that hubby went on a shake diet and lost a bunch of weight and started to run with me.  It lasted all spring and summer, and boy he was FAST.  I could never keep up with him, but I still loved it when he accompanied me.   It was the summer my mom died, but still I think of that time and those memories of us out together was so happy.  Especially up in Tawas on the new trail by our cottage.

Last spring brings back happy memories of waking up at 5 am to walk/run before work and then going for an evening bike ride with hubby.   It felt SO good to be out and moving when the sun rose and again as it was setting.  I never felt so alive- and going to bed with my Garmin showing anywhere from 12-20 miles of this earth being covered was so rewarding.

Do you see a theme here?

I think I’ll feel better after being in nature today.  Until then, I’m going to feel all the feels.

It’s ok to feel sad.

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right

 

 

 

So Many Blessings

I am filled with so much gratitude after this weekend ❤ ❤ ❤   I’ve been studying the law of attraction for the past few weeks and think that there is a lot of truth to it.  I believe that the vibrations you send out attract like vibrations that come right back to you.

To top it off, I think I’ve started to experience the “Pink Cloud.”

In case you don’t know, the pink cloud in addiction is a term used to describe a curious phenomenon in one’s recovery odyssey. It means to be high on life. Many people after detox feel too good about their recovery as they’re finally able to see the real world.

In my car, driving in the sun, with the music blasting, all weekend…. permagrin— JUST joyous and happy feelings.

Friday night was lovely.  Hubby mowed while my oldest son and I went to grab dinner and snacks.  I got a delicious new drink and had a truly “happy” happy hour sipping it outside.  It’s the little things 🙂

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Saturday was even better.   We started it out with a friendly family game in the morning.  My youngest wanted to play (which is totally rare so we jumped at the opportunity).   Cards are always a fun way to start and end the day 🙂

skipbo

Next, a local business that I follow on Facebook shared that if you text SPRING to a number, you get a coupon for Lowes that is anywhere from $5-$500.  I tried it and got a $100 coupon!  We went later and had a lovely lunch date, then got a fire top for our table at Lowes.  It was $136 so we got it for $36.  SCORE!  After Lowes we hit a local Goodwill that I had never been to.  I spent quite a bit of time looking at books but really found some treasures (if I haven’t mentioned it before, I have a hard core book addiction..).

To top off this wonderful day, Jules and I went to my favorite park by the river and walk/ran 4 miles.  I ran a 15 minute mile which I haven’t done in like a year (I am a sloth).  It was wonderful to run through the trails and be with nature.  Gosh I love springtime!!

Sunday was a fabulous day too.  I had booked a complimentary mini facial at Aveda and makeup demo. The facial was awesome.  When it was time for the make up I told her I don’t wear much and like natural colors.  I wasn’t completely happy with the results, and thought I looked like a drag queen.  It was ok though, I had to use the restroom, but there was a few little boys using the women’s (I know this because they didn’t lock the door and I walked in on them– OOPS) so I used the mens. Sorry, but I couldn’t hold it for another second and now we can use whatever bathroom we want, plus I looked like a tranny anyways– so it was fine.  On a side note, when I got home and my boys saw me, they laughed.  It’s ok, I laughed too.

After Aveda, I went to Vegfest.  Vegfest is a vegan festival with vendors, lectures, speakers and food.  The last time I went, I went with my hubby.  I went alone today and it was nice to do what I want and not have to worry about anyone.  I bought some excellent books (most were only $5!) and met Alicia Silverstone.  I had a jackfruit sandwich that was to die for.  I’ve been strictly vegetarian (mostly vegan) for several weeks now and think I’m ready to take the plunge into sole veganism.

My book addiction was very well fed this weekend

After Vegfest I came home to some family over (brother in law, nephew, other sister and brother in law and niece).  It was nice, they played croquet while my SIL and I chatted by the fire top table and listened to music.  Also, it was supposed to snow like 3-4 inches last night (we were all dreading it) but it ended up just raining.  So, no snow today and it ended up being a warm sunny day that was such an unexpected treat.

Lastly, hubby and I went for a short bike ride.  We usually go around 10 miles and it’s like an hour workout.  We only went about 4, but it was so nice to get out there.  The perfect end to the perfect weekend!

So now it’s Sunday night almost 9:30 pm and I’m still wound up and reeling over all of the excitement.  I hope I can sleep at a decent hour, I really want to get up early to work out tomorrow.  Can’t think of a better way to start my Monday!

C’est la belle vie ❤ ❤ ❤

Purdy Thirty

It’s 10:20 on a Friday night and it’s been an EXHAUSTING week, so imma make this short.

Today is Day 30 🙂 🙂 🙂

I feel happy all over about this and I don’t have any desire to drink.

Tonight Hubby asked me if I wanted to go on the Boy Scout camping trip next weekend to Putnam Bay in Ohio.

B.S. (Before Sobriety) my answer would have been a quick “No.”  Boy Scouts prohibits the use of alcohol.  No way in hell would I subject myself to a weekend with no alcohol (B.S. alcohol was a necessity EVERY night– especially on the weekend).

All that time missed with my family, when I chose alcohol over them.

I won’t dwell, it’s the past and I let it go.  I CAN change the future and make happier path.  THIS feels right, and I feel optimistic.

So, instead of a hard, “No.”  I say, “Where are we staying?  What will we be doing?  Where is that at?”  After getting those answers, MY answer is easy, “YEAH I want to go with you guys!”

THIS is living.  Participating in life instead of sitting on the sidelines getting wasted.  Joyous.

If you haven’t started living again yet, I invite you to try it.  You may feel slightly like a kid again.

I feel like a kid tonight who has OD’ed on sugar with too much coke and jelly beans.

Now I’m getting the urge to wake up early tomorrow morning to binge watch cartoons ❤

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Easter 2019

I’m going to make this quick because it’s already almost 11 am and I need to work on my final project for my class that I’ve been putting off ALL weekend.  I wanted to get up super early today to work on it, but couldn’t sleep till after 3am, therefore I slept in until 9. I knew I should have gotten up around 3 am and got it done, I’m not too old for an all nighter, right?

It IS Easter Sunday, but not really a significant day to me– other than we filled baskets for the boys and hid them, and colored eggs yesterday for the Easter Bunny to hide.  Other than that, I just have a lot of things to do today, mainly from slacking all weekend.

It is going to be warm today, almost 70 warm degrees. I want to go with hubby and the dog to that state park that I love by the river.  I can’t wait to walk in the afternoon warm sunshine.

I went to Tractor Supply yesterday and bought a seed starter set and a bunch of seeds.  I’m going to set up my flimsy greenhouse later and plant my seeds.  Garden season is quickly approaching 🙂

I want to get my house picked up but am SO excited because I have a lady coming tomorrow to quote me on cleaning my house.  If I like what she says she can come back on Wednesday and do a deep cleaning.  I’ve had people clean before and am really picky, so I’m kind of skeptical but we’ll see.

I have an IEP on Thursday that I haven’t even started.  I was going to do that this weekend, but will probably just work on it during prep/evenings this week.  The good in this is that this was a volatile meeting last year with an advocate.  The parents fought hard to get this child special education services (she initially did not qualify through the school’s evaluation, so the parents paid for an outside evaluations, which pretty much always qualify kids– they tell parents whatever they want to hear).  So, that was my first experience with the parents (father is lawyer and has been known to be rude to our staff).  One year later and the child has done tremendously well, I have a great relationship with the family, and they do not feel the need to bring the advocate to her meeting (the advocate they use is well known and notorious for being a huge asshole to school personnel).   It’s still a little nerve racking, but I’m thankful to have a good relationship with the parents, that helps SO much!

One more thing.. I made yogurt in my instant pot!  It’s been fermenting for almost 24 hours now.  I have to get it out, store away then clean up the IP.  Shouldn’t take long and hopefully the yogurt (which is diary free) turns out good.  I’ve been eating mostly vegan, so I haven’t had my daily treat of yogurt or cottage cheese with fruit.  Its one of my favorite snacks– so I’m hopeful!

Not sure what we’re having for dinner tonight and I really don’t care.  It will NOT include a ham or turkey.  It may include my grill and some veggie burgers though 😉

Ok– peace out, time to get to work!  ❤

(OH, day 25 today, HOORAY)

Day 21

It feels so good to keep the momentum going!  It’s been a tiring but great few weeks.  I’m not exactly riding the pink cloud, as they say, but I am enjoying NOT thinking about drinking every second of every day.  I barely even think of it at all.  Once in awhile the thought will run across my mind, “You could drink wine.”  I don’t THINK so, Betsy!  The last time I did that I woke up in a puddle of piss!! I spent the next day worrying about my husband leaving me and how I was going to clean all of my bedding, including the expensive giant heating pad I have for my mattress that was now covered in stinky piss!

So yeah, Betsy is and continues to be on probation.  I think she should actually get jail time.  She has no business trying to ruin my life all the time and making me think that I need to drink poison to have fun.  Conniving B**** !  I see right through her.

Nothing else really to write.  Today at work is a LONG day of testing (currently on my lunch).  I have a meeting after work and then it’ll just be me and my youngest tonight, as hubby and oldest have life guarding class.  They had to write a lesson plan for disabled swimming student for today.  Hubby’s student is missing his legs.  My teen’s student is missing his arms.  They are really pushing the accommodations practice 😛

This has been a short week, but an exhausting one!  Especially today, I woke up late and have been dragging my behind around ALL day long.  Just have to make it through tomorrow 🙂

Make it a great day everyone ❤

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