Day 107 — That Funky Feeling

What does being in a funk look like to you?

To me it’s getting up late everyday, not being my best self and having a general feeling of unhappiness that affects my entire day.  It makes it hard to move and even get a shower in.

I don’t have much of an opportunity to get into major funks during the school year.  I have bad days here and there, but generally can’t dwell on feeling depressed day after day.  Summer is different and while it by all accounts SHOULD be the happiest time of the year, it is far from it.

Why are my summers so funky?  I’m pretty sure that I’ve written one or two other summer blog posts over the years titled, Summer Funk– or something like that.  Great weather, low obligations, can stay up late and sleep in, swimming, kayaking, biking, walking, hiking…. so many movement options that can be done in nature– oh boy!  How can I not be ecstatic?

Expectations?

I’m not working out as much as I expected.  I’m not getting as much done around the house as I expected.  I’m not visiting older relatives like I expected.  I’m not eating clean like I expected.  My hubby is on vacation, but has been crabby and spending all his time on video games– totally not what I expected.

I’m not too hard on myself and have tried the gentle approach before, allowing sobriety to be #1 and not worrying too much about anything else (hello extra 20 pounds!)– but that isn’t making me feel any less funky.

This summer started out strong, but quickly derailed this past week.  It’s a combination of hubby being off work and broken routines.  My sister is visiting from Florida for the next week starting tomorrow.  This will be more breaks in the routine and I need to make sure that I stay grounded.  This MAJORLY consists of keeping up on my self-care– which has gone out the window this past week and probably is partially responsible for this FUNK.

Ok.. time to work on my homework, I’ve been putting it off all morning.  It’s time for me to be my best self and to start feeling good again ❤

 

 

 

Coming Out

Hi Readers–I need your help!  Day 97 here!  My 100th day is Friday and I’m excited to make it the best day ever!

I’ve been thinking a lot about coming out on Facebook to family and friends.  Mainly I want to do this for accountability– especially with summer festivities in full swing.   I am planning on posting this on Friday but wanted to post here first.

I welcome any and all constructive criticism.  I have no idea if it sounds too long, too wordy, too vague, etc.   Here the draft I came up with:

Today is a special day for me, today I have 100 days of no alcohol! 

My journey began back in the spring of 2016.  I had developed pleural effusion, diagnosed at the ER when I was being checked for a lung clot.  I was told there are many reasons I could have gotten it and to follow up with my general practitioner.  

As I waited for the follow up appointment, I was researching pleural effusion (I had never heard of it prior to this) and found out that it could be caused by liver problems.  Knowing that I was drinking WAY too much, this information kind of put me into panic mode.  

When I went to my general practitioner for my follow up visit, I had decided to ask for help with my drinking– I knew it was time to STOP what I was doing to myself.  I had even researched a local inpatient rehab center and thought I might need to go there in order to help me with this “problem.”

Leveling with the doctor, and being 100% honest about my “problem”  was one of the single handedly least effective things I have done in my life.  He told me that I didn’t belong at the inpatient center– that was for drug addicts (I think those were his exact words– and I know now that this is the most untrue of the untruths).  He told me that his office has a GREAT outpatient program at his office and to call their social worker for more information (he RAVED about this social worker).  

Problem #1 was that the social worker he referred me to no longer was working there.  Problem #2 is that once I DID reach a social worker (same building, different office), she would not let me join her program because I was still actively drinking.  Granted, I didn’t know HOW to stop and every phone call I made seemed to be a dead end. I knew that AA was out there, but honestly, everytime I thought about having to go to an AA meeting I would just start bawling.  

I spent the entire summer thinking that I was nothing but a failure and that no one could help me.  This was all very untrue–there is loads of help out there and shame on the doctors who are completely clueless when it comes to addiction.  

Towards the end of the fall I discovered podcasts that were centered around that taboo topic of sobriety.  As I listened to these stories some ideas became wildly clear to me. First off, it is OK and (somewhat normal) to go to an AA meeting (or another recovery meeting– there are many different options out there).  Secondly, there are SO many people out there who viewed their drinking as problematic and have stopped– people JUST LIKE ME. I instantly felt not so alone. I found a few Facebook groups to join that were recovery based. 

This opened up a whole new world to me.  In fact, as a person who was watching all this wonderfulness, but still not able to get there (I was still drinking at this point), it always reminded me of my favorite movie, The Wizard of Oz.  I was in black and white kansas and all of these sober people were in the land of Oz, enjoying a colorful and vivid life. I still did not know how to get there.  

I finally decided that I wanted it more than anything else in the world.  The first few days were HARD. It was abnormal and uncomfortable. On the 3rd day it was my late mom’s birthday and Anthony came home to me crying in the kitchen while making dinner.  He hugged me, thinking that I was crying about my mom. I was crying because I still had some boxed wine in the garage and I wanted it, SO fucking bad. I was crying over fucking poisoning myself– not my dear mom, and that haunts me to this day.  

When you make the decision to stop drinking, it’s not abnormal for the process to take a couple or even a few years.  I stopped for over 90 days in 2017 and for 127 days in 2018. I feel that this last time is probably my final time and that I am done with relapsing (God willing).  

The point of this long rambling post, overall, is for my own accountability.  We have a lot of summer parties coming up and I don’t want to get sucked into the cycle again– no matter how appealing it seems.  

Secondly, if you or someone you know needs help feel free to reach out to me.  I still hate the experience I had talking to my doctor– and still shocked and outraged that he was not able to give me ANY useful information with a matter so serious.  How can modern day doctors be so uninformed about such a huge issue in today’s society?  

Lastly, if you think you NEED a drink because of X, Y and Z, consider this:  Alcohol has the same chemical makeup as ethanol (gas). Not only is it truly a toxic poison that does a number on our body, but it affects our brain as well.  I’ve always considered myself an anxious person and was surprised when I noticed my anxiety go way down during sobriety– and for me to feel real joy. There is something beautiful about going through life day in and day out without the need to escape through alcohol.  

Overall, I have much less stress and have developed real coping mechanisms instead of reaching for an instant numbing agent.  If you are a drinker, I have nothing against it–or you, it is just not for ME. I’ve already had my lifetime allotment of it, so I will have to pass.

If are stuck in a cycle and are sick and tired of waking up sick and tired, give me a call ❤

The Four Agreements, Rule 1: Be Impeccable with your Word

I’m on the upswing of a minor funk, I can feel it.  I think getting out of my comfort zone by going to scout camp and then anxiously waiting for my little’s return kind of put me into a tailspin.

It’s Monday and I’m trying to plan my week so that I can be productive, happy and fulfilled.  I have my 3rd step meeting with Arlina on Thursday, so I have to do some step 3 reading and worksheet.   I also want to get out and walk today (it’s been forever).  Jules has been getting really sluggish on walks, so until we figure out what’s going on with his health, I need to find an inside workout regimen to stick to.  That or riding my bike– but I bought an ankle brace and now my foot is doing SO much better so I want to start running again– might be time to dust off my treadmill.  I also want to get back to the Lotus and the Lilly 30 day soul book, which I started way back in March.   SO much to do & all fun stuff too!!  OH and I need to go to a meeting.  I’m planning on going today and maybe 1 or 2 other days this week (they are conveniently every week day at noon and like a mile down the road– it doesn’t get any easier than that).

 

The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz 

Image result for the four agreements

I call the Four Agreements my life’s bible.  I strongly believe that the four simple principals promoted in the book can be used and applied to any situation.  This book has helped my anxiety with relating to others immensely and I want to write about my experience with applying the principals.

The first rule of this book is to be impeccable with your word.

While this seems fairly straight forward it takes on many subtle and profound aspects as you begin to practice. Very simply to be impeccable with your Word is to use your Word in the direction of love and truth. It’s not as simple as it sounds.

How we apply this agreement in practice can be complicated. For instance, suppose we have a good friend and are friends with their spouse as well. We’ve found out that the spouse is cheating on our friend. It is in the direction of truth to tell our friend that their partner is cheating on them. On the other hand delivering the message and facts is not very kind and loving and will hurt their feelings. It also might not be considered very respectful to inject our nose into the business of other people’s relationship. In these critical situations being impeccable with your word can appear to go either way.

You can create how you feel emotionally by generating emotions, and then you feel them. You can create dynamics of respect in relationship by being silent and listening attentively. You can create a different experience for your self and others by refraining from an emotional reaction. You create an income for your self by how well you express caring in the activity of your work. You create a different self image of your self by putting the power of your faith in a thought you have about your self. This can happen in a very subtle and almost passive way of just accepting what you think about your self as true.

You express in a multitude of ways through out the day and being impeccable with your Word applies to all of them.

Silence can be Impeccable

Silence is an expression. And sometimes silence and refrain says a lot more than words can. Your actions are a part of how you create. To hit someone doesn’t fall into the category of expressing your self in the direction of love and truth. To greet someone with a kiss on the cheek is an expression that says more than a thousand words can.

Your Fears go against your Self

To live with existing fears in your mind doesn’t fall into the category of being impeccable. Maintaining fears of public speaking, asking someone out on a date, or a fear of failing is not in the direction of love for your self. Keeping your self in fear is an ongoing expression in your own mind that causes you to hold back in your actions of love for your self and others. Fear is at the heart of NOT being impeccable.

To Be Impeccable with Your Word is not as simple as it sounds. When you explore the meaning of this agreement your understanding will expand. You will begin to pay attention to the smaller moments of the day. Thoughts that used to go unnoticed or passing comments that seemed to be no big deal before become significant. As you become aware of the subtle expressions of the day this agreement becomes more challenging than one originally thought.

To really master being impeccable will require that you heighten your awareness not just to the words you say, but also to the emotions you express, your attitude, your actions, and where you express the power of your belief. You will need to develop a discipline of mindfulness to be impeccable in these expressions through out the day.

To Be Impeccable with Your Word is an art requiring constant vigilance. It is not something that you can decide to do one day and master by the end of the week. The mastery of any art, like music, painting, or sculpture, requires practice. To master the way you express your emotions, actions, thoughts, beliefs, will take practice just like any other art. In the beginning it will be challenging to just learn the basic skills.

You too will let go of what you created in your life years ago, and work on bigger and better creations as you develop. Each day is an opportunity to create a new piece of art with your life. Last years art is already far behind you. Learn, grow, and develop your skills through your creations, but don’t let them define you as an artist.

When you apply the practice of doing your best to be impeccable you discover that it has incredible rewards. To express your self in the direction of truth and love allows you to create your life as a masterpiece of beauty.

To master being impeccable with your word will take many moments of practice. You will likely throw away many of your attempts as being clumsy and not what you want. But that is okay. For with each action and attempt, you improve as the artist of your life.

Be careful not to believe the judgments that are likely to come from that inner judge. Make a commitment to do your best everyday and it will help you avoid self judgments as you practice and improve. Remember that in the midst of all these expressions that the real art you are working on is your self and you are worth taking time for.


 

A few weeks ago, one of the teachers at my school came into my room to complain, she was visibly upset.  Our secretary, and older, very outspoken and sometimes downright rude individual, had bad mouthed her to another staff member.  One of the things that was so upsetting was that she was about to retire and had tried to make every aspect of this school year a positive “last” but this was a painful memory that she would remember for a long time and would cast a shadow on her retirement.

She basically came into my room to vent, because sometimes you just need a listening ear.  So I listened and sympathized.  This book came up in our conversation, as I knew this teacher has read it and so has our secretary.  The teacher told me that she was going to talk to her about what she said and how it affects the morale of the staff.  I suggested she recommends this book to her (athough I know she HAS read it– but isn’t applying the rules to herself..).

Sometimes when you are talking to someone who you are really close to, it’s easy to talk and (sometimes) giggle at other people.  I question myself ALL THE TIME.  The bonus is that most people that I’m close to has read this book, so they all know what I’m talking about when I start to scrutinize our actions (Are we being gossipy?  Am I being impeccable with my word?)   It most always promotes positive and productive conversations– and allows us to establish norms that are not going to spread poison.  In most cases the person and I either agree that, “Yes, we are being rude and judgy and it’s not helping anything so we need to stop” or “No, if he was here with us he would be laughing too, so we are laughing with him, it is ok.”

One last thing I want to say about being impeccable with your word.  I don’t (can’t) trust people who spend time talking about others behind their back.  It is Not. A. Good. Look.  If you’re talking about X, Y or Z behind their back, then I’m SURE you’re talking about ME behind my back.  Perfect example of this is my school secretary.  After you read this blog, you are going to think that she’s absolutely dreadful.  That is not the case, but she is a gossip.  Not in a mean way, more like a lovingly grandmotherly type of way.  BUT, while I love her, I generally keep my distance because I know that whatever I tell her is likely to come out, possibly in a distorted way.

I hope that you enjoyed reading about the first principal of The Four Agreements.

Summer Vacation and Scout Camp

Day 86 🙂

It’s Friday of the first week of summer break– although I don’t feel very well rested or accomplished.

My youngest is at his first year at Scout Camp.  I went up there on Monday and came home Wednesday night.  I. Was. Exhausted.  They really run the kids ragged.  I talked to him on the phone last night and while he’s having fun, he is SO ready to come home.  He’ll get home tomorrow around noon and I think he might sleep for two days.

It was a fun time and I got to get to know some of the adults and kids from the troop better.  It was sad going up to the camp, knowing that I was staying with a new group (I’d previously been to the camp with my oldest’s group), but it turned out well as I feel like I made some friends.  Will tried new things too, like climbing the rock wall.  He didn’t make it to the top to zip line down, but I’m super proud of him for trying.  He attended his classes, swam like crazy during free swim, played all of the travel games he brought and learned some new games.

Other than that, status quo here.  Took Jules in early this morning for his big (Cushins ) test.  I have to take him back at 11:15 and then again at 3:15 then wait for the results which will hopefully be in next week.  It’s the first sunny and hot day we’ve had in awhile.  I have some weeding and planting to and am looking forward to working in the hot sunshine.  Then maybe a dinner date with my oldest who has been surviving on frozen food all week.  It’s going to be a great day!

One last thing I do want to mention is that Betsy has been loud and persistent lately.  It’s early summer and I’ve been doing so good, I really don’t want another summer relapse.  She tries to make drinking seem so appealing, and it does sound nice at times.  I would love to have a few glasses of wine on the deck in the evening sun.  But all I have to do is follow the drink.  It would be fun.  But, I would wake up full of regrets.  I would have to turn my counter back, meaning, if I’m going to turn it back, I might as well drink tonight too.  It wouldn’t end there.  I would be back in that cycle as fast as lightning.  Getting out of that cycle gets harder and harder (I don’t know why this is, but it’s true for me and I’ve heard other people say the same thing).  I’m not sure that I have another recovery in me.  

With Betsy getting louder, I think it’s time to get my butt to some meetings.  I AM working the steps too.  As a side note, here is the step 1 work I did with Arlina on ODAAT Chat:

Step Work Call – Laura – Step 1

I hope you all have a great weekend!

 

 

Gratefulness

I wanted to write a quick update.  I spoke with the vet this morning and his urine/creatine ratio test is slightly elevated. SO it MIGHT be Cushings, it might not.  She is definitely thinking it’s something metabolic.  I mentioned kidney failure (thank you once again Dr. Google) and she said NO.  She said he is not in kidney failure and his kidney’s are FINE.  As of right now, he does not have many symptoms and is not uncomfortable, so while she wants to do a Cushings test and a Thyroid test, she said it is ok to wait until the end of the week after next.  The Cushings test is one where he has to go in for 3 blood draws all within 8 hours, so I’d rather wait until I’m done with school so I don’t have to leave him there for the day.  The week after we get out I’ll be spending part of up north going back and forth between our cottage and Will’s scout camp (where he will be for the whole week).  So, I do feel better.  I am kind of hoping it is his Thyroid, only because our previous dog was diagnosed with that and it was super easy to treat and he lived many years healthy past his diagnosis.

Other than that, things are the same.  I still don’t know whats going to happen with my SIL and her kids.  My mother and father in law brought them over to swim last night but we didn’t talk about anything.  The mood was very somber, we are all upset and confused.

Regardless of these situations, I’m feeling so grateful.  Grateful for summer, for this beautiful summer morning, grateful for homework as to better myself with a Master’s degree, grateful that we WILL get a long bike ride in today, grateful for the step work I am doing.

I can’t remember if I wrote about this or not, but there is this wonderful podcast called ODAAT chat.  The host, Arlina chose me as a volunteer to work on the steps with her.  MAN this couldn’t have come at a better time with being tested with stressful situations totally out of my control!  I completed step 1 and she interviewed me last week.  I’m working on step two and going to interview next week.   I am SO grateful for Arlina and her expertise and ability to work with right now!

Ok.  Better move onto my homework.  Going to work a little on step two and then my class work.  I’m on my deck in the sunshine and couldn’t think of a better office!

Peace and love ❤

This Too Shall Pass

This too shall pass. 

I feel like I’ve been saying this for weeks.

My intention was to write a positive post tonight.  After all, it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow and my boys and I are going to the Sasha Farm Sanctuary to learn about the cruelty of factory farms, to cuddle some farm animals and to eat some yummy vegan food.

It’s been a really gross week.

My sister has been going through turbulent times with her boyfriend, who is also the father of her 5 year old daughter.  He did something no one could have predicted and completely snapped Tuesday night.  While my sister and niece were sleeping he set the house on fire.  The fire alarms were turned off, but somehow my sister woke up and navigated her and my niece out through the smoke.

I really liked him.  I am so sad for my sister and niece, who will likely never see her father again.  And we are mourning the loss of him– because no matter what he can and will never be a part of the family again.

So I’ve been feeling in a funk since.  And the weather here totally sucks– cold and rainy, nearly every single day.  And work has been stressful– with testing and teachers stressed because I can’t do all of the things I normally do- all due to these USELESS state mandated tests.  They are completely inappropriate for our students and so incredibly time consuming for everyone.

I started to feel positive this evening when I declared to my beef wanting nachos teenager, “I can’t buy beef.”  I used to cook us separate meals (me vegetarian, them with real meat), but recently told them I was no longer cooking meat– but they are welcome to cook it.   After digging deeper into veganism, I realize that everytime I buy meat, eggs or dairy, I am supporting a very cruel industry.  I. Just. Can’t.  I put in a grocery order tonight, but I told my family, “You are welcome to buy and cook meat, but I can’t support that.”

My positivity was drained quickly when hubby came in from mowing the lawn.  He has been upset at our new neighbors for mowing part of our yard and not on the lot line.  I think he said something to him before, but he continues to cut on our side.  Well, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation tonight and I feel like he just waged war on our next door neighbors.  I can’t tell you how icky this makes me feel inside!  And kind of irritated with hubby– WHY does he have to create such a conflict?  UGH– I just feel so gross about it.  I want to write them a peace letter.  I also want them to stay on their side.

It’s Saturday night, and I wish I could feel the joy of having a free night with a day to sleep in tomorrow and exciting fun day to look forward.  All this darkness is casting a shadow on all the good things.  My vibrations right now are so low, I know this will only cause low vibrations to come back to me and cause more friction.

I’m trying to just breathe, because this too shall pass.

mdesigner125-weather-the-storm-GettyImages-811485572

 

Here Comes the Sun

Today is Saturday and by all measures, I should be feeling so happy.

The sun is FINALLY shining.

I’m finally starting to shed the 10 pounds that I put on since the new year.

I woke up early to make it to my favorite specialty stores before they got busy.  I came home, put away and organized my new things and cleaned up the kitchen.  Then I juiced a bunch of veggies.  And all by 11 am.

My boys are all leaving later to go to a racetrack with scouts.  I have plans with my puppy to walk/run on the trails by the river.  Then… I don’t even know.  Massage?  Finally get my nails done?  Play with my cricut?  Haircut (long overdue)?  Work on some IEPs for work (nahhhhh)..

But I woke up feeling just SAD.  The sad thoughts won’t leave my mind.

I’m sad about my 5th grade students who will soon be off to the middle school.  They are SUCH a great group of kiddos.  They might get into fights with each other on recess and before school, but for me, the are absolutely angelic.   So much so, that when my principal asks if he can observe me 5 minutes before seeing their group, I know I have no worries.  The lesson is seamless, the kids are engaged and all wanting to read or answer my question.  It’s not like this with every group.  Last year, I had three boys and while they were nice kids, I just didn’t have a strong bond.  This group is different, maybe because 4 out of 5 are girls– I don’t know.

I’m sad about my nephew who has a tough life.  He usually has a smile on his face and is  a pleasure to be around.  He lives with his grandparents behind us and I drop him off at school everyday along with my son.  Many Fridays, when I exclaim in the morning, “TGIF boys!!” he responds, “Oh, it’s Friday?”   I always thought this was odd.  HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW ITS FRIDAY BOY????   Well, DUH….  for kids with a hard homelife, the weekend can be downright brutal.  I should have put two and two together, and finally did yesterday morning.  How sad.  He’s a great kid.  I pray that he continues to do well despite a hard home life.  I pray that when he and I have deep conversations, I can convey the message that he can be happy and successful, and can be strong despite the hardships he’s endured and continues to face.  And I cry for him.

I’m so grateful that he lives so close and spends a lot of time at our house and can goes on all the scout trips with my boys.  I dread the day that his mom gets him back and moves away.  My heart will always ache for him.

And it’s been a sad couple of weeks at work.  A retired teacher lost her adult daughter last week suddenly.  A former student of ours (who was now a 9th grader) passed away on Tuesday.  The rain wouldn’t stop falling and lunchroom conversations were political and depressing.

I was hoping that writing all this out would help– but I still feel like I need a good cry.

I’m thinking of the happiest memories throughout my life.

That time in my teens when I was going through a turbulent relationship and I would escape to Indian Springs and rollerblade the 8-10 mile track.  That made me SO happy.

That time that hubby went on a shake diet and lost a bunch of weight and started to run with me.  It lasted all spring and summer, and boy he was FAST.  I could never keep up with him, but I still loved it when he accompanied me.   It was the summer my mom died, but still I think of that time and those memories of us out together was so happy.  Especially up in Tawas on the new trail by our cottage.

Last spring brings back happy memories of waking up at 5 am to walk/run before work and then going for an evening bike ride with hubby.   It felt SO good to be out and moving when the sun rose and again as it was setting.  I never felt so alive- and going to bed with my Garmin showing anywhere from 12-20 miles of this earth being covered was so rewarding.

Do you see a theme here?

I think I’ll feel better after being in nature today.  Until then, I’m going to feel all the feels.

It’s ok to feel sad.

Little darling, it’s been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it’s been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It’s all right

 

 

 

So Many Blessings

I am filled with so much gratitude after this weekend ❤ ❤ ❤   I’ve been studying the law of attraction for the past few weeks and think that there is a lot of truth to it.  I believe that the vibrations you send out attract like vibrations that come right back to you.

To top it off, I think I’ve started to experience the “Pink Cloud.”

In case you don’t know, the pink cloud in addiction is a term used to describe a curious phenomenon in one’s recovery odyssey. It means to be high on life. Many people after detox feel too good about their recovery as they’re finally able to see the real world.

In my car, driving in the sun, with the music blasting, all weekend…. permagrin— JUST joyous and happy feelings.

Friday night was lovely.  Hubby mowed while my oldest son and I went to grab dinner and snacks.  I got a delicious new drink and had a truly “happy” happy hour sipping it outside.  It’s the little things 🙂

pop

Saturday was even better.   We started it out with a friendly family game in the morning.  My youngest wanted to play (which is totally rare so we jumped at the opportunity).   Cards are always a fun way to start and end the day 🙂

skipbo

Next, a local business that I follow on Facebook shared that if you text SPRING to a number, you get a coupon for Lowes that is anywhere from $5-$500.  I tried it and got a $100 coupon!  We went later and had a lovely lunch date, then got a fire top for our table at Lowes.  It was $136 so we got it for $36.  SCORE!  After Lowes we hit a local Goodwill that I had never been to.  I spent quite a bit of time looking at books but really found some treasures (if I haven’t mentioned it before, I have a hard core book addiction..).

To top off this wonderful day, Jules and I went to my favorite park by the river and walk/ran 4 miles.  I ran a 15 minute mile which I haven’t done in like a year (I am a sloth).  It was wonderful to run through the trails and be with nature.  Gosh I love springtime!!

Sunday was a fabulous day too.  I had booked a complimentary mini facial at Aveda and makeup demo. The facial was awesome.  When it was time for the make up I told her I don’t wear much and like natural colors.  I wasn’t completely happy with the results, and thought I looked like a drag queen.  It was ok though, I had to use the restroom, but there was a few little boys using the women’s (I know this because they didn’t lock the door and I walked in on them– OOPS) so I used the mens. Sorry, but I couldn’t hold it for another second and now we can use whatever bathroom we want, plus I looked like a tranny anyways– so it was fine.  On a side note, when I got home and my boys saw me, they laughed.  It’s ok, I laughed too.

After Aveda, I went to Vegfest.  Vegfest is a vegan festival with vendors, lectures, speakers and food.  The last time I went, I went with my hubby.  I went alone today and it was nice to do what I want and not have to worry about anyone.  I bought some excellent books (most were only $5!) and met Alicia Silverstone.  I had a jackfruit sandwich that was to die for.  I’ve been strictly vegetarian (mostly vegan) for several weeks now and think I’m ready to take the plunge into sole veganism.

My book addiction was very well fed this weekend

After Vegfest I came home to some family over (brother in law, nephew, other sister and brother in law and niece).  It was nice, they played croquet while my SIL and I chatted by the fire top table and listened to music.  Also, it was supposed to snow like 3-4 inches last night (we were all dreading it) but it ended up just raining.  So, no snow today and it ended up being a warm sunny day that was such an unexpected treat.

Lastly, hubby and I went for a short bike ride.  We usually go around 10 miles and it’s like an hour workout.  We only went about 4, but it was so nice to get out there.  The perfect end to the perfect weekend!

So now it’s Sunday night almost 9:30 pm and I’m still wound up and reeling over all of the excitement.  I hope I can sleep at a decent hour, I really want to get up early to work out tomorrow.  Can’t think of a better way to start my Monday!

C’est la belle vie ❤ ❤ ❤

Purdy Thirty

It’s 10:20 on a Friday night and it’s been an EXHAUSTING week, so imma make this short.

Today is Day 30 🙂 🙂 🙂

I feel happy all over about this and I don’t have any desire to drink.

Tonight Hubby asked me if I wanted to go on the Boy Scout camping trip next weekend to Putnam Bay in Ohio.

B.S. (Before Sobriety) my answer would have been a quick “No.”  Boy Scouts prohibits the use of alcohol.  No way in hell would I subject myself to a weekend with no alcohol (B.S. alcohol was a necessity EVERY night– especially on the weekend).

All that time missed with my family, when I chose alcohol over them.

I won’t dwell, it’s the past and I let it go.  I CAN change the future and make happier path.  THIS feels right, and I feel optimistic.

So, instead of a hard, “No.”  I say, “Where are we staying?  What will we be doing?  Where is that at?”  After getting those answers, MY answer is easy, “YEAH I want to go with you guys!”

THIS is living.  Participating in life instead of sitting on the sidelines getting wasted.  Joyous.

If you haven’t started living again yet, I invite you to try it.  You may feel slightly like a kid again.

I feel like a kid tonight who has OD’ed on sugar with too much coke and jelly beans.

Now I’m getting the urge to wake up early tomorrow morning to binge watch cartoons ❤

Image result for candy

Easter 2019

I’m going to make this quick because it’s already almost 11 am and I need to work on my final project for my class that I’ve been putting off ALL weekend.  I wanted to get up super early today to work on it, but couldn’t sleep till after 3am, therefore I slept in until 9. I knew I should have gotten up around 3 am and got it done, I’m not too old for an all nighter, right?

It IS Easter Sunday, but not really a significant day to me– other than we filled baskets for the boys and hid them, and colored eggs yesterday for the Easter Bunny to hide.  Other than that, I just have a lot of things to do today, mainly from slacking all weekend.

It is going to be warm today, almost 70 warm degrees. I want to go with hubby and the dog to that state park that I love by the river.  I can’t wait to walk in the afternoon warm sunshine.

I went to Tractor Supply yesterday and bought a seed starter set and a bunch of seeds.  I’m going to set up my flimsy greenhouse later and plant my seeds.  Garden season is quickly approaching 🙂

I want to get my house picked up but am SO excited because I have a lady coming tomorrow to quote me on cleaning my house.  If I like what she says she can come back on Wednesday and do a deep cleaning.  I’ve had people clean before and am really picky, so I’m kind of skeptical but we’ll see.

I have an IEP on Thursday that I haven’t even started.  I was going to do that this weekend, but will probably just work on it during prep/evenings this week.  The good in this is that this was a volatile meeting last year with an advocate.  The parents fought hard to get this child special education services (she initially did not qualify through the school’s evaluation, so the parents paid for an outside evaluations, which pretty much always qualify kids– they tell parents whatever they want to hear).  So, that was my first experience with the parents (father is lawyer and has been known to be rude to our staff).  One year later and the child has done tremendously well, I have a great relationship with the family, and they do not feel the need to bring the advocate to her meeting (the advocate they use is well known and notorious for being a huge asshole to school personnel).   It’s still a little nerve racking, but I’m thankful to have a good relationship with the parents, that helps SO much!

One more thing.. I made yogurt in my instant pot!  It’s been fermenting for almost 24 hours now.  I have to get it out, store away then clean up the IP.  Shouldn’t take long and hopefully the yogurt (which is diary free) turns out good.  I’ve been eating mostly vegan, so I haven’t had my daily treat of yogurt or cottage cheese with fruit.  Its one of my favorite snacks– so I’m hopeful!

Not sure what we’re having for dinner tonight and I really don’t care.  It will NOT include a ham or turkey.  It may include my grill and some veggie burgers though 😉

Ok– peace out, time to get to work!  ❤

(OH, day 25 today, HOORAY)