Goal Diggin’

Thursday January 31, 2019

It’s been a long time since I wrote.  I’ll try to catch you up while getting to the point of things..

Florida-

This was a fun, yet Toxic, trip that had me wondering what I did to piss off the Universe.  It started out kind of stressful where we flew out of an ice storm and had to deal with the airport closing until 10:00 while we were supposed to take off at 8:55am. Luckily, we weren’t delayed for THAT long, but the whole morning was uneasy and I just wanted to get the heck out of Michigan.  I think it was at the airport that I made the mental switch from “I’m going to live healthy and continue working out and doing all my healthy things in Florida” to “Fuck it.”

Maybe it was that switch that ticked off the Universe.  Something did, because bad things kept happening:

  • My son left his gum from the plane on the floor of the bedroom and my sister’s young dog ate several pieces.  The gum had xylitol which can be extremely dangerous to dogs, even in small amounts.  Thank God, the dog was fine and never had any symptoms of poisoning, but it worried us for a bit.
  • The first morning down there we were woken up early by the alarm on the TV announcing to take cover due to a tornado warning.  Being super hungover, I put my pillow over my head and went right back to sleep with the rain and wind banging on the other side of the outside wall.  I’d like to think that if there was an actual funnel cloud coming, my dad or sister would have dragged me out of bed.
  • We found a man PASSED out cold half-way under his car while in Key Largo.  Hubby assisted to make sure he was ok, and he woke up and got up.  Paramedics showed up and called the police.  By the time the cop got there, the man had ate a frosty (we were at Wendy’s) and was looking much better.  The cop was looking for a tape of him driving into the parking lot totally wasted so he could arrest him, but didn’t have one so he was ticked because he had to let this guy go, and apparently he is a repeat criminal in Key Largo.  The whole situation made me feel really icky!
  • We went to Key Largo for 2 days.  The weather was super cold and rainy and my oldest son got his hand all bit up by a pelican while at a park there (we paid to feed the fish at this park, and the pelicans were attacking us every which way to try to steal the fish food.)
  • The day after Key Largo was our last full day.  It poured ALL. DAY. LONG.  In fact, Florida got record rainfall while we were there.
  • A huge snow storm hit on the day we were to fly back.  We were worried about our flight being delayed and the airport shutting down again.  We were delayed like 4 hours, but it was because our plane was having mechanical issues- not because of the weather in Michigan.  They ended up having to get a new plane for us, which made me feel better anyway.

 

All in all, all of this could have been much much worse, and I know this.  It was just all of the small stuff that added up.  Despite all of this, Florida was a lot of fun.  It was nice to spend time with my sister, her family and my dad.  I drank every night and got in zero walk/run miles.  I did not meditate at all.  I ate awfully down there too.  By the last day, I felt more toxic than a nuclear power plant.  Even my urine seemed to stink so bad (sorry for the TMI).  I was excited to get home and resume a healthier way of life and sad that I was unable to keep up the good habits in Florida.  Many days were such slow starts not feeling my best.  Coffee and food didn’t taste as good, the sounds of the kids were way too loud and most everything made me edgy.  Drinking IS truly borrowing tomorrow’s happiness and my whole time in Florida was spent on loan.

I was able to get right back on track after arriving home.  Largely in part to getting 2 cold days off work right away AKA lots of extra time to put my good practices to use.  I had a great workout (for the first time since last week) yesterday, but not sure it would have happened if I had to work and was still catching up from the exhaust fullness of the trip.  While on the treadmill (because, you know, it’s like -15 real feel where I am at right now..) yesterday I got the email that school is closed again today.  It really felt like I was once again loved by the Universe!

Even though I slacked off so bad during the trip, I’ve met my mileage goal of 40 miles for the month of January (currently at 41.15 miles, NOT including the killer at least 3 mile workout I’m going to do today).  Woo hoo!!!  I love meeting my goals!

I’m happy to report that my health is doing great right now.  I have decreased my pred from 10mg/day to 7.5mg/day for about 10 days now and still feeling good.  I think before I made the mistake of decreasing too fast.  I’m going to go down to 5mg soon, just wanted to make sure all the alcohol was out of my system first– probably in the next day or two.

The biggest thing I need to start focusing is my eating.  I have an idea.  Dr. Greger is a world renowned plant based doctor that promotes The Daily Dozen to eat healthily.  This is a list of 12 foods that we should be eating daily.

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I really like meeting my goals.  I really don’t like to limit things in my life.  I don’t want to vow to NOT eat sweets, or whatever it is I want.  BUT.. if I shopped and planned for eating the daily dozen, and was proud each night of meeting that goal, then that would leave very little space leftover for a bunch of junky food.  Just like alcohol.. it’s been helpful to focus on meeting my workout and wellness goals when I don’t drink vs. not being able to meet those goals.  So I’m pretty excited about this idea and hopeful it’ll work for me.  It isn’t even about losing weight right now, it’s about keeping my body feeling good with good nutrition, meditation and exercise.  THIS is the only thing that I can think of that might actually help me get that nutrition piece in.

Since I’m off again today, and it’s almost the weekend, I’m planning on spending extra time making a menu/shopping plan for next week that incorporates the daily dozen.

That’s all I’ve got for today!   Happy almost February ❤ ❤ ❤

 

For more information on Dr. Greger and the daily dozen see attached links 

 

 

 

Sunday Runday Funday Wonderful Munday

Ahhhhhh… sweet sunny Sunday morning 🙂  We had a bit of a snowstorm yesterday– the first of the year.  We got about 5 inches or so, so everything outside is covered, and white and peaceful.  The sun is shining brightly and it is a very brisk 1 degree at the moment.

It’s been a pretty great week/weekend.  We are leaving for Florida on Wednesday and I spent the first part of the week totally stressed out.  My kids were sick and both stayed home on Monday and my oldest also stayed home on Tuesday.  This was extremely stressful since the oldest has finals this week and I was already stressing about him missing 3 days for our trip.  Plus, I had a lot of things to wrap up for work including 3 IEPs last week, assessments and report cards, and sub plans for 3 days.  I didn’t even want to think about Florida– anytime anyone talked about it, it put me in a sour mood and I vowed never to plan a trip again unless it coincided with one of the breaks.  By Friday I was feeling a ton better.  My IEPs were done and filed, testing was all done, most of my report cards were done and my sub plans were complete.  I only have one more day of work until we leave and if something unforeseen happens like a snow day– everything is all ready for the sub.

The only disappointment this weekend is that I missed an intro to Buddhism, Zen and Meditation class at the Dharma temple.  Going there is on my bucket list and I thought that this class would be a good opportunity.  It’s like 30 miles away though, and there was just way too much snow.  It would have taken me around 2 hours to get there.  So I skipped it.  They offer the class every couple of months though, so I do want to go to the next one.  In the meantime, I’d like to go to the Sunday service there.  I didn’t go today, because my youngest had a sleepover last night and next Sunday I will be in Florida.  Maybe the next Sunday.

The sleepover last night was fun.  The boys played the board game LIFE, and Minecraft and just acted like lunatics.  One of the boys had to leave around 8am for church and Sunday school.  It was a little bit of a bummer to have to set my alarm, but I was so grateful for my sobriety and being able to get up bright eyed and bushy tailed.  Hubs got up with me and we made waffles for the boys.

It made me think of a time years ago that I’m not so proud of.  My oldest had a friend over and my best friend came down from up north for the night.  We were drinking (she’s not a huge drinker–but this wasn’t long after my mom died and I was annihilated).  My son’s friend felt sick around midnight and wanted to go home.  I’m not sure if he called his mom or if I did, but I can’t imagine what I looked and sounded like when she picked him up.  I’m not sure that he’s ever been back.  I have always felt very guilty about this.  He was a friend from the town we used to live in, so my son doesn’t see him at school or have much opportunity to talk to him–which might be partially why he hasn’t been back. But I’m guessing my behavior has something to do with it as well.  I made a mental note to add his mother to my amends list.

Tomorrow is Martin Luther King day and we have the day off of school.   I’m planning on getting a good workout in, getting my nails done and doing a few other preparations for our trip (we leave Wednesday morning).  Tomorrow night my sisters and niece have tickets to dinner with a psychic.  She is a popular local psychic.  My only hope is that my mom shows up to dinner and this psychic can put our mind at ease.  My hubby thinks that psychic are utterly ridiculous and a total sham. I don’t know how we can have such different thoughts on this topic.  Other than this we pretty much share the same values and beliefs.  Maybe if it was his mama in heaven he would feel different.  I kind of think not though.

Today is going to be a nice day.  I’m going to put on about 6 layers and take my dog on a walk. It probably will be pretty short because I don’t think any of the sidewalks are cleared and it’s probably going to take a lot more energy to trudge through the snow.  That’s ok– I did a little more than 3 miles on Monday, Wednesday and Friday so I need less than a mile to complete my goal of 10 miles this week.  I’ve been smashing this goal!  I have 11 more days of January and already have almost 30 miles logged.  My monthly goal is 40, I got this!  Other than that you can find me hanging out with hubs and doing some good relaxing today 🙂  We had our fireplaces converted to gas in the fall and we are fully taking advantage of them this weekend!  I think I’m actually going to miss winter, come spring.  Cozy drinks and games by the fire have been so nice!

I’m feeling a little sad about dropping my dog off at the kennel before work on Tuesday morning.  He goes there for daycare once a week and is always excited to go, but they have cameras that you can use to check in on your pet. Towards the end of the day he usually seems like he’s ready to go and often waits by the exit gate.  He is not going to like spending 6 nights there 😦   I’ve felt so bonded with him lately, with our frequent run/walks, which we both enjoy so much.  I wish I had a friend who could stay at the house and watch him.  Oh well, at least he’ll have lots of dog friends to play with.

Well…  I think that’s it for my update.  I have been pretty happy and optimistic this month.  I think a big part of it is that self-care piece.  I’m working out, meditating (for awhile I was doing it daily– I’ve let that slip a bit- but still try to do it at least every day or 2), and making a conscious effort to meet my goals.  I’ve thought about buying wine a few times, and there just isn’t any benefit that I can see at that moment– so it really isn’t even an internal argument.  It’s just like, “um, no thank you, no need or want for that!”  So that has been a blessing.  Staying sober in Florida should be ok.  My sister said she’s not planning on drinking at all.  Even if she deviates from that plan, the last sober vacation at her house I stayed sober even though she occasionally drank wine so I think I’ll be ok.  I have too many miles to cover in Florida to be drunk or hungover 🙂

Happy Sunday Everybody ❤

More Good Stuff

Sunday here– and fabulous one at that!  What a great weekend it’s been!

If one pic sums up the weekend, this would be it:

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Ok– it wasn’t all lazy, but it was filled with comfort and joy 🙂

Friday night I skipped out on an after school work retirement get together.  This caused me a lot of inner turmoil but in the end I gave in to my self needs and care so I just didn’t go.  I had to drive by on the way home and literally wasn’t sure if I would stop or not until I was done past it.  Didn’t feel too bad.  I was eager to pick up my dog from daycare and get a workout in.  I did a treadmill workout when I got home, it was slow and tedious but at least I got it done.  The rest of the night was spent catching up on laundry and laying in my bed while my furbabies flocked to me.

I was in bed by 11:00 and got 10 glorious hours of sleep (had some catching up to do from the week).  I was a little disappointed that while I was sipping my coffee it was already 10:00 am, I felt like the day was getting away from me.  BUT.. not long hubby and I went to Sam’s Club (always a great weekend “adult” thing to do). I stocked up on pantry items and got some delicious fresh fruit (and some freezer junk food to put in the air fryer for Saturday night game night).

Saturday night was a little boring, but hubby and I did get in a nice game of Cribbage. I was in bed by 11:00.

I was up before 6:00 am today (Sunday).   I got a few things accomplished and then went on a great walk/run for over 3 miles at my fastest pace yet.  And now my puppy is wore out– always a great thing.

Now it isn’t even 11:00 am and I am already feeling super productive.  I ordered groceries earlier and they should be here in a little bit. My BFF is coming for a visit and we will probably do some shopping and she will probably bring her dog to play with my dog.

The last thing that I really want to get done today is a little work on some IEP’s (for school) that I have this week.   If I don’t it’s ok– it’ll just make the week a little busier–but I’m not going to stress about it.

I only have 6 days of work left and then am taking a few days off for an impromptu trip to Florida with the family.  I can make it 🙂

Perfect, low key, awesomely refreshing weekend living my best life ❤

 

My Best Life

Getting up at 5:00am with the littlest to see the peak meteor showers.

Cleaning out closets one by one while I’m off work- purging bag after bag of things I never use after being a married adult for 18 years.

Walking 2 miles while my foot is still hurting– because walking on it ultimately helps work it out and my dog needs exercise, and I need to work on my mileage goal.

Brushing my teeth and washing my face before bed because it feels SO good to go to bed with that fresh feeling.

Flushing the random fleeting romantic “I should drink some wine” thoughts down the toilet.

Following that ‘so called’ romantic drink to a place that I know it will lead to and that’s a place that I don’t want to be at.

I’m 41 years old and at this point in my life I want to live my best life.  I want to meet my goals and follow my dreams.  No one is standing in my way– except alcohol.  The same alcohol that stole Christmas Eve from me.  It also stole New Years Eve. Heck, it stole my entire 3rd decade.

That’s what it does, it takes takes takes.  But, alcohol, I’m on to you.  I’ve gotten smart.  I won’t let you take my best life from me anymore.

I like to get up way before dawn to see meteoroids with my youngest who loves space and science.  We will sip hot chocolate and coffee and talk in the wee hours about space stations, and aliens and stars and planets.

I will clean out my clutter– in my house, in my head and in my body.  I will live in a clean and clear way, on the outside and the inside.

Without alcohol, I can and will live my best life ❤

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Thursday Musings

Hello Thursday!  Four days left of vacation and I am soaking it all in (staycation).

I woke up with a throbbing foot.  I’m not sure if it’s because I decreased my pred down from 10mg to 5mg per day a few days ago or that I drank alcohol for two nights in a row.

I took motrin and am hoping that it starts to feel better so that I can get in a few miles today.  I’m already behind on my mileage goal and it’s making me a little anxious!  NO more alcohol!

Waking up on Day 2 feels really good.  I actually slept very well last night after a relaxing (lazy) night of watching tv.  I didn’t feel guilty having a lazy night because I had a pretty productive day.  I got my hair done, and then went to target (to spend a $20 gift card from Christmas) and Kroger.  I made a healthy vegan banana bread and a yummy vegetarian dinner.  We have a cupboard that has a lot of room but was bursting at the seams, so I cleaned it out, purged and reorganized.

Today I’m going to clean out our coat and linen closet and do a lot of purging (decluttering feels really good).

I’m also taking the boys for haircuts and Panera for lunch to spend my free meal coupon.  Then maybe we’ll do something fun like an arcade, movie or indoor mini golf.  Hoping to get in a workout later, but that depends on my foot.

Soaking it all in before getting back to the grind.

Happy Thursday!

 

Extraordinary

The first day of the new year always seems to feel fresh and exciting.  SO many promises and hopes, dreams, etc.  A new chapter, the beginning of something novel.

I’ve been up since around 5am and it’s been so peaceful and serene around here. I’ve had lots of time to think and reflect.

2018: A Year in Review

Overall, 2018 was a good year.  Here are some fun memories:

  • Buying kayaks for our 17th anniversary, taking them out and having them sink in Lake Huron.  Having to be rescued by aunt Sandy and taking our wet kayaks right back to the freakin’ Walmart.  We bought the more expensive boats too– thinking that they would be nice.  Nothing nice comes from Walmart.
  • Making hubby go to a Refuge Recovery meeting at the Catfe.  The group meditation was wonderful until a cat peed in the money basket and on someone’s shoes.  The meeting only got darker after the meditation and I haven’t been back since.
  • Meeting my goal of riding my bike 150 miles in the month of June.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to make it for a minute.  Smashing that goal felt SOOOOOO good mentally and makes me realize that I need more weekly/monthly goals in 2019.
  • Finding Dr. Tent.  He has improved my health journey immensely.  I was like a lost soul trying to navigate natural wellness in the dark without a flashlight.  He’s lit the path for me and I am continuing to improve physically and mentally.
  • Discovering meditation.  I have found myself recommending mediation to practically everyone for every ailment.  You’re anxious but highly against taking medication?  Meditate!  You’re depressed?  Meditate!  You can’t focus to save your life?  Meditate!  You’re in pain? Meditate!  I can’t say it enough and the benefits are countless.  I even integrated it into my curriculum at school and created “Mindful Mondays”  where we start off our week by practicing mindful thinking for 5 minutes and writing a reflection in our journal.  This has been so successful that one of my parapros suggested we do it everyday the last week before break because the kids were so amped up and needed it.
  • Reading “The Four Agreements”  This book has become my bible.  I will blog about it sometime soon.  I have also found myself recommending this book to everyone for every which reason.  Understanding the principles of this book has provided me with inner peace and self love and respect that I was missing before.
  • Braces!  I. Still. Can’t. Believe. I. Did. It.  13 months ago my teeth were SO neglected.  I was terrified of the dentist and it had been over 5 years since I had a dental cleaning.  One broken tooth and a new dental office that I love changed everything.  Over the course of a year I was able to get all my problems fixed and my teeth cleaned (twice!).  Then the braces.  I’ve had them for almost 2 months and my upper teeth already look much more aligned.  It definitely has been a self-esteem boost.

Whew–  I am grateful for all of this!  I think that 2019 is going to be a great year.  I want to do more of the things that make my soul happy.

One area that I really want to rev up is my fitness.  I’ve been a workout slacker who is good about getting out there, but doesn’t push myself like I should. I’m going to be paying more attention to my pace and setting goals for myself.  I also want to incorporate strength training into my routine, even if it’s just twice a week (I HATE it– I just want to put on my shoes, go out and move without having to think about it).

I want to read more, write more (hello book, maybe?), meditate regularly, work on the steps, spend more time with family and friends, and I think I’m ready to take the vegan plunge.

Hello January 1st, Hello 2019– I am going to make you extraordinary ❤ ❤ ❤

 

Little Lost Soul

I have a soft spot for lost cats.

When I was around 5 years old, we took a trip up north to my grandparent’s cottage and brought our white cat, Bozo, with us.  When it comes to pets & animal care, my young parents were not the brightest.  Bozo was antsy by the time we got to the cabin almost 3 hours away.  They thought he might have to go potty, so they let him out of the car as soon as we arrived (not attached to a leash or anything) and he quickly disappeared into the woods.  I spent the rest of my childhood asking my grandparents if they found Bozo at the cottage yet.  We never saw him again.

Fast forward 35 years.  It was 2014 and we had just moved to our home in Novi.  We have indoor/outdoor cats but were cautious with letting them venture outside.  We slowly let them explore the outdoors and all was well.  

A couple weeks after moving in, our cat Milo disappeared.  We posted online, hung up flyers all over the neighborhood and prayed.  It was already an awful year, we had suddenly lost my mom a few months before and lost my grandma around the same time that Milo disappeared.  

This fortune gave me much needed hope in my search for Milo

Milo would be on the lam for about 4 months.  During that time we would also lose a young cousin and my grandpa, it was an awful year. Shortly after leaving my grandpa’s funeral up north in early January 2015, we got the call that someone found Milo, halallulah!  Surely this was a sign that despite the tough year, everything was going to be ok.

Milo was a more cuddly and loving cat after being lost for 4 months

Fast forward to Christmas this week.  While at my in-laws, the porch camera was activated on my phone.  I checked it and saw a strange white cat on the porch, but he quickly went away.  I saw him again the next day.  By this time I was concerned and tried to get him to come to me, but he ran. Two days later my youngest came downstairs to tell me there’s a white cat on the porch.  Long story short, I’ve been seeing him about once a day since then.  I posted him online, worried that he was lost. We have new neighbors next door and I’m hoping it’s theirs or maybe someone else got a new kitty (there are a couple outdoor cats in my hood – but not an unfamiliar one like this one).  Deep in my heart I’m worried that he is lost in the Michigan winter – like Bozo & Milo.  

The white kitty is coming closer to the house day by day

I hope this kitty is able to find his way home and is not cold and hungry.  I am keeping my eye out and trying to sweet talk him in case he is lost. 

After all, aren’t we all little lost souls in some way or another? 

Glorious 

The last thing I wanted to do today is get my butt outside & moving.  

I’ve been (yet again) decreasing my pred, so I have decent levels of aches & pains today & my foot has been ok but now I have a stiff ankle problem that I’m trying to work out.  Plus I’m a little sore from walking over 3 miles yesterday.  

BUT… it’s the end of December in Michigan and sunny and in the 50’s (rare, but wonderful).  So I couldn’t pass up at least a couple mile walk with the pooch.  

Before I left I was super crabby & short with my family.  Going out turned out to be the best medicine.  

The bright sun shining on my face was glorious.  The mild temperature seemed more like spring than the start of winter.  Shortly after getting out I felt much better.  I wanted to go at least 2 miles but ended up going to 3.  I even ran for a couple short minutes (nursing that ankle 🤨).  

Now it’s time to get these Christmas decorations put away & the house cleaned up and back together.  

Have a great day everyone!

The Exhausting Addiction Cycle

I read a blog some time ago that has really been on my mind lately. It was about relapsing and going through the most difficult part of sobriety over and over and over again.

I feel like this has been where I’m at since July (UGH, like a whole 1/2 year wasted.. makes me feel kind of sick to think about). When I’m not drinking the first month or so is the hardest physically, mentally and emotionally. Especially weeks 2-4 where I could sleep like 12 hours a day. Even those few drinks Xmas eve messed me up for days (sleep, irritability and piece of mind, etc).

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Not sure what my point is here, other than to be annoyed at myself. BUT I’m hoping that this knowledge and experience can help douse the PAWS fire that tends to heat up around days 10-14 and randomly pops up throughout early sobriety (and probably later, although I’ve never been past early sobriety– so I wouldn’t know).

I’m really tired of starting over and this awful cycle 😔

Time to pull up my bootstraps and conquer this “thing” that only wants to take over and ruin my life.  I am so much more than this stupid alcohol addiction.  F*** You alcohol &

Betsy too!!

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Namaste: Deep Breaths after the Holiday

I bow to you, you made it.. WE made it!!  PHEW!!

Christmas for me, was actually really pretty nice (besides being overly tired from too little sleep the night before).  We leisurely spent the morning enjoying our gifts and cleaning up.  We walked to my in laws and had a delicious dinner (I can’t believe I actually was ranting a few days ago about it all being too ‘fancy’ – It was good food and pretty laid back.  Shame on me).  After dinner we played a few games, had a lot of laughs and then had time to chat.

My sister in law (the one who had her kids taken away last summer and is going through a divorce) was there and appears to be doing well.  She looks about 100 times better physically and we had an honest chat.  For a long time, it felt like we were fake and she was fake– having to fake smiles and not talk about this situation.  My hubby and I had some good one-on-one time with her and for the first time in a long time it all felt honest, raw and good.  I told her a few things that I had been meaning to over the summer (like acknowledging that any one of us, especially me who is prone to addiction, could be in her same situation had we married someone who spiraled down like her husband did and we also got to talking about going to AA).

I hope that my honesty and the things that I shared were helpful, but sometimes it’s hard to know and you question whether or not you made things better or worse.

We left around 8:00, which gave us some time before bed to chat about the day and get in a game of Cribbage.  Unfortunately, I had a hard time sleeping again (damn that Christmas eve blip– messed me up for days), but woke up without a hangover so I was still able to have a productive day.

I was busy the day after Christmas!  I packaged up and mailed my Avon returns, picked up meds for Jules, got my license renewed, had a lunch date with hubby, went to Sam’s club to get berries and cherries (hello toxic food detox), took Jules for a 2 1/2 mile walk, washed all of ours and our oldest’s bedding (he spent the day cleaning and organizing his room to make way for his new huge TV), took a nap, had lots of coffee and watched a movie.

Oh and when I was awake 1/2 the night on Christmas eve, I found a great Groupon deal to test for food sensitivities and gut issues, so I bought it.  I got the form completed and printed and mailed it off yesterday with hair samples for the test.  Hopefully this will help me on my journey to good health.

Last night I slept much better.  I had to get up at 8:30 because I had an appointment to pick up my orthotics.  Thank goodness I set my alarm, I probably would have slept past 9.

I just got back from my appointment and am going to take Jules for a walk before the rain starts.  I’m hoping to get all of the Christmas decorations put away and the house back to normal.  Need to get groceries but thinking about having them delivered (I shouldn’t since I’m off work right now, but MAN this service is really fantastic!).

Whether the holidays were joyous or stressful, or maybe a mixture of both, we made it!  Pat yourself on the back, indulge on the self care, take a minute (or two) to slow down and be thankful ❤ ❤ ❤

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