I Killed Betsy 

Oooooh if I could just bottle up these thoughts & save them for when I am tempted in the future, I would in a heartbeat! While it appears Betsy (my inner alcoholic) is expired forever, I know that really she is off on a holiday somewhere doing push-ups, waiting for the perfect time to make a great comeback.

The Universe and Living the Good Life

As I was riding and feeling so alive, I thought about alcohol for a millisecond.  I thought about how I used to drink it to celebrate when I was super happy and how I used to drink it to drown my sorrows when I was sad.  Getting a new car would certainly be a reason to toast and chug down glass after glass of wine.  I felt so incredibly grateful for being where I am at– picking up my bike at 9pm NOT a glass of poison.  THIS is living, living the good life.

Lazy Rainy Saturday

I need to continue to work on step 2 a bit.  I love my higher power and the idea of Him– but I’m not 100% confident that I know how to access my HP when Betsy talks me into a drink.  I mean, I’m not planning on drinking.  I haven’t had any urges or cravings lately, but know that eventually they will come.  If Betsy starts to win the argument in my head (this has happened before), I don’t know how to use my HP to stop the thoughts in my head. 

Two Against One

For the longest time, I have been fighting this alone.   Talking to people at meetings is great, but they aren’t there when I’m at home and a mental battle is going on in my head.  It’s like I have two voices– me and then Betsy, my inner alcoholic voice.  For the first time ever, I felt like it was US against Betsy– two against one.  It was an uplifting and empowering realization.

Letter to My Spouse: The Pink Elephant in the Room– My Drinking

I am SO happy with our life.  I love the life that we’ve built.  We have terrific kids and I couldn’t ask for a more supportive spouse. This is the majorly confusing part for me.  This one thing, this one little thing is the only thing that is making me unhappy.  I should have control over it, but it seems to have complete control over me.