I don’t want to continue to abuse this beautiful and miraculous temple that was given to me by God. It has done SO much for me, and I continued to stomp on it and berate it.
I enjoyed being fully present during the show. The beats were intense and I could feel the sounds riveting throughout my body. It was almost like being in a trance, if I lost focus and let my senses take over my being. Much better than concerts in the past where I was annihilated– acting like a fool at my best and passed out asleep at my worst– both which I’ve admittedly done before.
The promises of a new Day 1 is both electrifying and delicious. The hope that follows is optimistic and promising. The idea that I don’t have to feel like Sh#% anymore gives me goosebumps. I reset my counter, examining the date.. looking for something significant, a sign that this time will be the last.
As I mentioned in other entries, I DO believe that one day I will be 100% AF. I certainly don’t feel like I’m “white knuckling” it during my periods of abstinence. I am not miserable, I am happier than ever. It is clear though, that I’m not working my recovery– or rather my recovery is not working for me.
There is no point to this story– other than this is reality, sobriety is filled with highs and lows. The reality is that as I am anticipating tomorrow night sucking, my alcoholic voice is already starting to whisper ideas into my head. I try to ignore, but she is persistent and knows when I am most vulnerable.
This. Is. Living. Life. I must always remember how close that dark path is and how quickly my journey can veer down that long and lonely road. But right now, I will fully enjoy the gleeeeee <3
For awhile now, I’ve been obsessed, addicted to Facebook. I check it constantly. Many things that I see on there make me feel bad in one way or another. Whether it’s family who is having fun and not including me, or political rants, or just general whininess from people who are so negative, it was overwhelming to me.
Alcoholism is truly the thinking disease, and that has become so clear to me. My biggest nemesis is my alcoholic mind and she knows exactly what she is doing– and she is so good at it. But I was successful once and I can do it again, gosh darn it!
Here we go again. Even though I had a hard time sleeping last night, today was SO much better than it’s been all week. Had a decent amount of energy all day (even on little sleep), didn’t miss the hangover headache, focus was good at work & instead of being cranky & short fused myContinue reading “Day 2”
When you’re drinking, it’s kind of like your life is clouded with a dark shroud. The sun is less bright, jokes are less funny, semi stressful situations seem impossibly daunting and the list goes on.