Letter to My Spouse: The Pink Elephant in the Room– My Drinking

I am SO happy with our life.  I love the life that we’ve built.  We have terrific kids and I couldn’t ask for a more supportive spouse. This is the majorly confusing part for me.  This one thing, this one little thing is the only thing that is making me unhappy.  I should have control over it, but it seems to have complete control over me.

Finding My Tribe

One common theme that came from the table was the fact that these people had everything in their life together.   They were smart, good at their jobs, could solve the most sophisticated  problems, yet they could not stop alcohol from taking charge of their lives.  Wake ups are the same for everyone suffering.  Waking up feeling half-dead, swearing that today will be different– yet evening rolls around and the urge is too strong– alcohol wins yet again. 

Christmas 2017, a Wrap… Yet?

Merry Christmas morning! This is a tough day for many. Whether you are missing someone who is no longer here, overwhelmed by family obligations or just stressed with the expectations that come with this time of the year, don’t forget to Just Breathe. I will be needing to take this advice throughout the day. IContinue reading “Christmas 2017, a Wrap… Yet?”

My Double Life

What I want to say is: “I’m in recovery.  I’m searching for a sponsor and an AA group to fit into.  I struggle nearly Every. Single. Day.  I listen to audiobooks and/or podcasts daily that are recovery based.  I know relapse like the back of my hand.  Remember Dylan McKay in the old 90210 episodes?  Remember how his relapses went?  Yep, that’s pretty realistic, and similar to me during an ugly relapse.”   

December Blips

I’m trying really hard to not be depressed during this holiday season.  I miss my mom and wish she was here.  I wish I could ask her about her wine habit and talk about my journey with her.  I never thought in a million years that she had an alcohol problem, but now I wonder if she drank more than she wanted to.  It now annoys me that I drank so much at most family parties and wish I had more sober conversations with her.  This is turning into a big ramble…

I CAN

End of day 2. Not a totally great day but better than yesterday. Quite a bit of frustration this evening with my kiddos, their homework, the animals, getting stuff done for tomorrow, etc. BUT.. the work day was much better to get through without a hangover. I DID have the urge to drink tonight whileContinue reading “I CAN”

This is Hard

This week my addiction has won. All due to a number of events that lead me to stop on the way home from my union meeting to get wine and succumb to my urge. This time of the year has been difficult.  I am not happy that I threw away 55 days.  I am notContinue reading “This is Hard”

We are an Army

By this time, Betsy piped up.  She urged me to get my shoes on and go to the liquor store.  She reminded me how much better I would feel after a glass of wine.  She told me I deserved it and that I was torturing myself for no reason at all.  She asked why I wanted to just sit there like a miserable being and that I should treat myself better.  She kept going and going and for the first time in several weeks, I listened

Thanksgiving Cheers

I am a little anxious about today.  I don’t know how it’s going to be at my dad’s.  There may be drinking and smoking pot going on.  Many times there is free flowing wine and beer.  I’m not so worried about drinking– I’m at 51 days today and the last thing I want to do is to throw that away.  I can’t speak for tomorrow, but today and especially at this moment I Will Not Drink!