The Devil Drinks Vodka

This name came to me during a long stretch which left me stuck in the cycle of addiction. I wanted to stop drinking badly, but I couldn’t.  I knew that the Devil had me in the clutch of his hands, and that’s how this name was born.

My drinking fits The Pitcher Plant Theory to a tee.  It was all fun and games in my 20’s. Somewhere during my 30’s, not sure exactly when, my drinking went from a hobby to a necessity. There’s no clear point in time that this happened. After I graduated college? After the 2nd baby? After the 3rd move?

In May 2016, I woke up with severe chest pains. I went in to get looked at and was diagnosed with Pleural Effusion. This could have a number of causes including the autoimmune disease I have, Rheumatoid Arthritis.  In researching this condition at home, I discovered that it could also be caused by liver problems. I opened up to my general practitioner at a follow up appointment and asked for help for my drinking. I was met with misinformation and phone numbers that were dead ends.

Fast forward to July 2016; my drinking was as out of control as ever.  I wanted to stop drinking but I had no idea how.   I felt failed by modern medicine and that I was a hopeless case.  I continued to drink the rest of 2016 away, vowing nearly every single morning to stop.

In 2017 I discovered, and started gathering tools that helped me quit for the first time. I relapsed after 93 days but learned a lot.

In 2018, I stopped drinking for 120 days, and felt amazing while doing so. But, again, I ended up in the drinking cycle for most of the year. The cycle was looking different though. I wasn’t drinking every single night. I was going 10-12 days without drinking and then would drink for 3-4. This was a vast improvement! I felt great during the periods of not drinking and didn’t understand why I kept relapsing, over and over again.

In 2019, I hit a low and decided that I was done. This was my last day one.

24 Hours

Since then, I’ve grown in ways I never could have imagined.

This blog is a genuine and raw journey that started when I was still in the jaws of the devil. My wish is that by sharing my story– someone who was as desperate as I was can find hope.  <3

#addiction #alcoholaddiction #alcoholic #recovery #addictionrecovery #soberliving

 

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