It’s been 899 days since I was last in the shackles of Vodka.
I feel free.
Life is so simple, yet so good
I’m not worried about much these days. And when my worries become unleashed, I pull out my shock collar to put them in their place. My head is no place for anxious thoughts.
I’ve discovered that I have many voices in my head. They all sound just like me, but they aren’t me at all.
Betsy is my addictive voice and she tells me to drink. She has backed down and mostly dormant since I quit drinking, but will be extra powerful if she gets woken up.
Then there’s my ego. That one never shuts up. I mean, I’ll go several days where he is quiet, but the minute I slip up on my self-care, he starts to buzz. The buzz turns into a hum, and then a full blown chatterbox if I don’t keep him in check. He was SUPER loud on the first day of school. Sadly, I failed to recognize the voice was his, and not mine, until bedtime and it affected my day.
Voices that are echos of the past also make an appearance occasionally. I’ll hear my parents, my ex, old teachers, aunts/uncles, etc. These voices of yesterday are almost always negative and degrading. Why can’t the echos of my past just cheer me on?
My favorite voice is my higher self, I call her Sylvie. When I was broken and raw the summer of 2014, she whispered in my ear to buy the Glenda house. She comforts me and gives me really good ideas, especially when I’m in the ‘zone’ which could be during meditation or a workout. Sylvie is the voice that finally got me to quit drinking and embrace this life. To live it, not sleep through it!
That trilogy I’m working on? That’s not really my masterpiece. The credit belongs to Sylvie. I kid you not- she is writing it. If you don’t believe me, ask Stephen King. In his book, On Writing, he describes a ‘presence’ that will show up when you write consistently. When he describes it in more details, I can instantly relate.
I think of my head 5-10 years ago and have to laugh when I compare it to now. This is honestly probably the #1 gift of quitting alcohol. A loud mind can be torturous, and mine was.
A calm mind is everything
Who are the voices in your head?