Namago: The ego in me…

Advertisements

I’m coining a new term, namago. To me, it means: The ego in me recognizes the ego in you.

A common translation for namaste is: the light in me, recognizes the light in you.

You see, I’m learning how to handle my emotions, and to keep my cool, but sometimes I lose it.

I used to talk about Betsy in my posts, a lot. SHE was born during my early recovery when I learned about cognitive dissonance and the alcoholic (or addictive) voice. Betsy would dupe me and deceive me, and it was all so tricky because her voice sounded just like mine.

But similar to drinking, my thoughts about ‘Betsy’ have dwindled since the beginning.

However, now I notice a similar voice, one that sounds like me, but is mean and cynical. My spiritual teachings tell me this is my ego.

My ego tells me the story I’m writing is terrible.

It tells me that I should weigh X amount and that I’ll never be good enough. It doesn’t say it in those exact words, but it’s the message I receive from its never ending negativity.

Sometimes I see it in other people.

Like when my hubby overreacts when someone cuts him off. It. Makes. Him. Mad. He seems to take it personally- which I see as his ego’s doing. I try to tell him that maybe they’re having an emergency or something. He always seems to assume that they did it just to be a *jerk* I see it as his ego piping up and hyjacking his brain. But nothing good ever comes of it. The person drives far into the future, and hubby is left heavy breathing for the remainder of the ride. See, if it were me, I’d just feel relieved that they aren’t behind me anymore.

And of course I’m the correct one. No question about it, right?

Nope. That’s my ego

See what I’m stepping in?

Ego wants us to feel justified that we are right. But what ego doesn’t take into consideration, is that we never know someone else’s perspective. Even if we’ve walked ‘a mile’ in their shoes- we still will have a different perspective so we can’t know for sure.

But I’m often convinced that I’m right, at least in the heat of the moment. After time, the whole picture changes and I can see how when my emotions heated up, my ego took right over.

Maybe Betsy and my ego are the same voice?

At any rate, I’m trying to get better at calling out my ego, especially in the heat of the moment.

So when I notice it getting loud, I shout, namago! And it sounds fine and appropriate for me. It even sounds like I’m ordering the ego to GO so it makes me laugh.

But for you, namaste

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.