Ho’oponopono is a magic prayer.
I’m not very proud of my post from yesterday. It screams ‘Pity Party’. Before I wrote, I knew that I needed some gratitude practice. So before I even started, I jotted this down:
It did help, along with writing my post.
I cried during meditation yesterday and today. I think a big part of my distress is the guilt I feel for being an psychotic alcoholic for such a big part of the marriage. Did I do this to him?
I try not to think of the regrets I have, mainly regrets I have as a self-absorbed drunk mom.
And as these words thoughtlessly flow onto the page, I’m realizing that I just called myself some pretty harsh names, unfortunate, but not the point.
My ego is out of control, stress, and hormones (PMS).
While I was writing this, hubby got up and hugged me as he sauntered downstairs to begin work. I cried. I told him maybe his problem is because of me, how I was, for so many years. And then I told him that I have regrets, and I hate them most of all because I can’t change them. During all these years of recovery, relapses and struggling with Day 1’s , I don’t think I’ve ever told him about my regrets. So many things we just assume other people know, or assume that they don’t need to know. But maybe this is important.
Yesterday, I could almost literally hear my soul and my ego arguing. That little voice, my soul, kept saying things like, bundle up, just go for a walk, nature will be good, fresh air will be amazing, we need this. Well, not the last one, but I did know that I needed it.
Ego tried hard to talk me out of it. He said things like, It’s way too cold, the treadmill will be so much easier not having to bundle up, if I go out for a walk, I’ll have to take the dog but he’s been so annoying on walks, just take a bath- it’s self-care. He really didn’t want me to go. But I listened to my soul and I put on two shirts and pants, a huge coat, scarf hat gloves and went 2 1/2 miles. The dog was annoying, but it was good to get him out and it did my soul good, although last night and today the nasty voice is still pecking at me.
I did a lot of praying last night- or pleading with my soul. I asked Spirit to help me sleep and to give me guidance. I am a huge believer that people, situations and things are sent to us with a purpose and I wanted the Universe to know I was expecting it and looking out for it.
A while back, I have no idea when, maybe summer of 2019, I kept seeing a word pop up everywhere- ho’oponopono, and I thought it must be a sign, but I didn’t do anything with it and it fizzled out.
This morning while reading from a book of lessons based on A Course in Miracles , it came up again. The lesson talked about Dr. Hew Len. Basically he got a job at Hawaii’s State Hospital dealing with the criminally insane (murderers, rapsists, etc). Previous employees quit within the month. Hew didn’t work with the inmates directly, like the doctors before him did. Knowing that we create our reality, he explains that he was healing the part of himself that created such atrocities. It’s pointless, he says, to try to heal others. All he could do was focus on healing himself.
Dr. Hew Len practiced the ho’oponopono prayer, by himself while looking at the patient’s files, and gradually the atmosphere around the hospital began to change. Patients required less meds, less shakling. Somebody began to tend to the gardens and tennis courts and the place was transformed. The prisoners, one by one, were eventually released. Within four years, the ward was closed down permanently.
This speaks to me.
Ho’oponopono returned, but this time I’ll listen.
Going to tape it to my wall, my fridge, my car. Going to repeat it as much as I can.
It’s a forgiveness prayer. Forgiving is magic.
And within two minute I receive this email: