Everything is bothering me today, this week, this month, actually.
I’m usually pretty upbeat & grateful, but my ego has my head exhausted.
Maybe it’s being stuck in a dirty house with so many men. There is often tension between my hubby and my teenage nephew, who isn’t used to discipline and quite frankly, IT SUCKS AND I HATE IT.
My office is in my bedroom, but hubby is still sleeping when I have to start work. So I have to wait for him, then I can get set up. This annoys me daily.
It’s cold outside & all week I’ve tried to use the treadmill during the day, but can’t because of people working nearby. Today if I want to run I have to wait until 6, or else bundle up and freeze.
After work, I tried to meditate. Got interrupted by hubby who busted in the room to use the bathroom & let me know that he didn’t have a call for 20 minutes in case I wanted to do the treadmill.
Thanks, but by the time I get into workout clothes I’ll have about 10 minutes. The meditation session was ruined.
And I want to kill hubby.
He’s got his own set of issues. I’m not sure if he’ll ever completely follow me on the spiritual path & it’s become clear that I need to address how not to allow him to affect me.
And huge lack of sleep due to contention around here (contention in my head, I should add).
One week we’re leaving & I feel sad that all I want to do is get on that plane by myself. When we leave for trips, hubby is always super stressed & pissy the morning of.
Before now, it was easy to laugh these things off.
I’ve stopped laughing. I won’t even engage with some of his ranting (the pointless kind that just feels like he’s yelling at me, even though he’s griping about something else).
When I see him do things over and over again that just make him miserable
The point of this wasn’t to complain about my family. It was to say that I still feel like I’m running from the holidays.
But what if it’s not the holidays I’m running from?