Day 490 and ODAAT

As I predicted, my inner alcoholic voice, Betsy (DeVos), has been doing pushups while I’ve been working my soul off and has returned to torture my thoughts.  She’s not too bad yet, but this is how it starts.  She sees a vulnerability and jumps on it.

My best friend is getting married in September and I am beyond excited.  As I’m talking to her about planning, she could care less about the planning.  She wants nothing more than a ginormous party with all her people.

My first thought?

Good thing they’re not big drinkers.

Followed by…

Maybe I could handle one night of drinking. 

Then, the consideration.

Maybe I can. Do I want to? Why do I want to give anything more than I already have to alcohol, and to that evil Betsy?

I’ve seen alcohol do really shitty things to people over the past few years.  It’s a tricky substance. It makes you think you need it, but the reality is that’s not your voice, it’s your addiction speaking, and it sounds just like you.

I wish everyone would see alcohol for what it really is, but then again, seeing these situations from the other side helps keep me away from that nasty shit.

This summer, hubby and I have gotten into the show 90 Day Fiance.

The episode we watched last night really struck a chord with me.  The man who is 48 brought a 24 year old woman from Thailand to be his wife. Both in Thailand and America, the bride-to-be was in tears over his drinking.  Last night, his friend asked him if he would stop, and his answer was no, because he didn’t want to.  There’s more to the episode and situation, but I could without a doubt see myself in him.  How sad that he chose a toxic substance over a beautiful young lady who left everything she knows to be with this man, and he can’t put down the drink for a night.  That could have been me, a hundred times or more.  Granted, my hubby never gave me an ultimatum or asked me to stop, but I can guess what my response would have been in active addiction, probably similar to the man on this show.

Seeing things like this make me never want to touch it, ever again. I’ve already given too much of my life to alcohol, I won’t submit myself to shackles again, that would be insanity.

But.. I also won’t think about drinking tomorrow, or in September.  For now, I will take it One Day At A Time. Today I am not drinking and that’s my focus.

 

 

 

 

 

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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