This summer has mimicked Buddhism’s idea of peace & suffering, at least in my life it has.
A few months after my mom died, I had a deep conversation with our school secretary. She talked about suffering and how we need it to have happiness.
I nodded my head but had no idea what she really meant until I started to study Buddhism. I’ve often thought back to that conversation when I think of suffering.
This summer has been incredibly bipolar and is either laced with suffering, or feeling on-top-of-the-world happy.
One listen to the news usually leaves me feeling scared and desperate, so I keep it off.
As long as it stays off, and no one is texting me horrifying news stories, then I can remain safe & happy. But it is impossible to keep running from the reality of the state of the world, and especially my country
I finished the first draft of my novel, which is something I never truly believed I can do. I am overwhelmed with excitement and joy, but it sometimes feels irresponsible and negligent, and I’m not sure why.
My best friend is getting married on September 12th. They met in 2000, the around the time my hubby & I met (same month even, I think) and we all have been friends since. I recently got ordained and I am going to marry them. I am so honored and excited for this. But again, it feels kind of irresponsible and pretentious to be so excited right now.
It has been a very hot July. One day, in particular sticks in my mind. It was not a happy day.
I went outside to check something with the pool. It was stifling outside and the sun was intense. Normally, this would be my favorite kind of summer day, but not this day.
As I went outside, the heat felt miserable and so did I. There was nothing but silence in the air. No kids playing, no laughing, no screaming, nothing. I looked at my house and thought of all of the kids (I had 4 at the time, one extra cousin) who were sitting in a dark room inside doing nothing but screen time.
The sadness that day was overwhelming and the only thing I wanted to do was to crawl in my bed and disappear. A better mom would have made the children come out and turn off their screens.
I will not be getting any mother of the year awards for 2020, but it’s okay.
Another day in July was similar but quite different. It was hot and sunny and I was fully enjoying it without a care in the world. I had tears in my eyes because I was so happy (and I made the kids come out).
How can two identical days be so different?
One thing is for sure, while the bad days can be awful, they do make the good days better.
How are you doing with the pandemic this summer?