When I first stopped drinking, I had some big regrets for a long time. One of the biggest one was feeling like I failed my youngest. I was a normal drinker when my oldest was young, but was in the midst of alcoholism during the time I had my youngest (did not drink while pregnant, but started again right after).
I felt awful for a long time, especially comparing myself to young women sobering up before settling down or while their kids were still little. As a side note, we should not compare ourselves to anyone, ever.
After quitting drinking, I saw how much closer my youngest was to my hubby than me. They were way more bonded, from years of my hubby actively being there, while I was drinking every night passed out many nights before tucking him in.
It killed me a little inside, knowing that I couldn’t go back and change things.
After a few years, much soul work and getting my mental state working properly, I focused more on the things I had going for me, not the regrets.
I’ve been so grateful this week for the time I’ve had with my youngest during this quarantine. We’ve played card games, video games, had good discussions, made delicious food together and a lot of laughs. I realized that he and I are more alike than I ever knew. And many times he turns to me, instead of it always being my hubby.
He listens when I talk about the Universe and always excitedly tells me when it’s 11:11, 1:11, 2:22, etc– or when the Universe gives us a sign. And I love it, because my hubby and other son are NOT universe fans, lol.
You know what I don’t have? Regrets. I was thinking this morning that my experience would probably be much different if I had drank after my one year anniversary. I am 100% sure that I would not be cherishing this time like I am now. I am so grateful for sobriety.