The Opportunistic Alcoholic Voice

Thursday April 2 was a great day for the most part.  This was the day (from my previous post) that I had a spiritual walk and a blissful day.

I was cleaning up the kitchen with my nephew and instructed him to clean the stove.  I was seasoning an iron pan and had just turned one of the gas burners off so I told him to be very careful, that burner was still very hot.  In the next instance, I noticed him cleaning around the grates on one of the other burners.  I zoomed over there to show him how to lift up the grates to clean underneath, when without even thinking I grabbed the hot grate.

OUCH!!

It wasn’t too bad, fortunately, but it did hurt and blister.  Truthfully, it was ok the whole evening as long as I kept something cool or cold on it.  The minute I removed cooless, my skin would burn like the pit of hell.

I went to Walgreens for burn cream and wrap.  Sadly, it didn’t help the pain and I had to wash it off and put ice on it because it was still burning to high heaven.

I was so worried about being able to sleep, would I have to sleep with my hand in a bucket of ice?

In the past, it wouldn’t be a problem, I would drink a bottle of vodka and pass out fast.  But that wasn’t an option.  And I’ve quit my vape/weed pen, so that wasn’t an option either.  I was on like day 4 and didn’t want to start over– plus I really didn’t think it would be strong enough to help-it is so mild.

I thought of my sister-in-law, knowing she had a broken ankle and some other things in the past and I thought had a collection of drugs that just sits in her cabinet, so I sent her a message.

She is a godsend!

I drove over there and she gave me a bag of goodies.  Two Rx painkillers that happened to be about 6 years expired.  She was so kind, she also gave me manuka honey, bandages and gauze.

I thought that it was ironic that I couldn’t drink or do pot, but could do the other  harsh drugs without any consequence.

I knew not to mix them, and looked them up to see which one I should take.  I took 1 pill, then 2 the maximum dose.  I felt a little light and giggly, but it didn’t knock me out like I expected.  In fact, a couple hours later I got up and took Benadryl to help me sleep.  The pain was a little better but I was wide awake.  Eventually, I did sleep ok, and my hand looked and felt a bit better the next day.

But I didn’t bring the drugs back.  I was curious.  The next day, I tried the other one just to see what it felt like.  I wasn’t impressed, but maybe because they were 6 years expired.

My mind was doing a lot of thinking about those pill bottles in the Bath and Body Works bag she sent them in.

I thought about taking some and keeping them, just in case I wanted or needed them later.  I wondered if her and my brother-in-law counted the pills before sending them over.  I even thought about exaggerating the burn so that I would be justified in taking more than I actually needed.  As the next day went on, I was almost obsessively thinking about them, it didn’t even matter that they really weren’t effective at all, it was the idea I guess.

Why?

My addiction is looking for any opportunity to get out of my head and my body.  Picking up drugs for a burn triggered it.  I should also add that both medication is known to be addictive, so hoarding multiple doses is a recipe for disaster.

The following day, hubby and I took a bike ride and I took the drugs back.  I was happy to get rid of them, my mind could now be free, and it was.

It’s now been a few days, and I’m not addicted to those drugs.  I haven’t even given it a thought, but do realize that I need to be very careful.

That Besty, my inner alcoholic is an opportunistic BEAST!