I’m Starting to Lose my SH**

Monday March 16, 2020

You know on the bachelor and bachelorette when certain contestants clearly begin to lose it?  It’s hard to relate, what did they expect anyway?  They knew what they were getting into, right?  I mean, they don’t have phones or tv, but they are at a beautiful mansion with unlimited access to a pool, hot tub, game room, you name it!  How could anyone be miserable?

I feel like I’m going through something similar.  I don’t live in a spectacular house, of course, but I am feeling trapped lately, despite the newfound freedom of no work.

Tomorrow is my birthday and by all accounts I should be ecstatic.  I get to sleep in. I get to take my dog to my favorite park with tons of trails by the river.  My entire family will be home all day long and can spend their time celebrating *ME* It’s going to be great, right?!  Nothing but newfound freedom on my special day, except that I should stay away from strange people.

That freedom has not been a blessing.  Already, I miss my kids and I miss my routine.  I had a standing date with the pavement at 5am every Monday morning, and I missed it today.  Everything has changed in an instant and it is making me uncomfortable.  I’m leerie of the government and underlying motives.  I have some theories that won’t leave my head and it’s about time I evict them.

Today is day 355 of no alcohol.  I am so incredibly grateful for this, I couldn’t imagine being a drinker and going through this, it would make everything worse, especially the wake-ups when you realize that not all is right.  I am so grateful to be so close to a year, otherwise I may have already pushed the F it button.

One thing is clear.  I need to get out of my head and into action.  Instead of stewing and focusing on what’s not right, I am going to:

  • reach out to my families today
  • write each student a letter and mail it tomorrow
  • start the Dyer book with my kids
  • get something done in the den downstairs (goal for today is to list the sewing table for free, move the buffet and clean up that corner)
  • run outside when it’s warm and sunny and appreciate running in the sun instead of 5 am darkness
  • eat nutritious meals
  • spend time preparing the produce I bought/meal prepping
  • Do the L & L book
  • Meditate
  • Consciously give it all to God, to the Universe, as many times as I need to throughout the day
  • Say yes, if I get called to volunteer


I think that’s good to start with <3


Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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