Out of Alignment

I haven’t felt aligned with the Universe for a very long time (well, since early fall or late summer).  I really don’t know if it was a very gradual shift, or if it was sudden and I just didn’t notice.  I’ve been at odds with people and situations in my life and it has been overwhelming and increasing more often lately.  I have no idea how much is made up (in my head) or created based on that psychic session I had that predicted a difficult 2020.

After another argument with hubby last night, I heard words that made me want to drop kick him and start packing my bags.

“You need to take care of your anxiety.”

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Let’s start off by talking about the poor word choice there, and I was pretty ticked for a bit, but you know what?  I think he’s right.

We continued to talk & I started to see his point. He has been accommodating to my increased needs lately. Even so, I have no patience & shitty with him too often. He pointed out that he himself makes me anxious, a recent visitor/friend made me anxious, his family makes me anxious, my family makes me anxious– increasingly more and more people and situations are putting me into a tailspin.

I haven’t even shared with him some work drama going on (I’m not involved really but it still makes me so anxious), so work has been causing me problems too.

So yeah, I’m full of negative chords and my soul is screaming in pain.

I sometimes wonder if I’m anxious with not drinking and just now finding out because I spent the past 20 years self medicating with alcohol.

Additionally, I haven’t been very healthy lately.  I haven’t exercised this week & have been eating pretty carelessly. I haven’t meditated either. Also I’m using pot.

I have a long love story with pot.  I used to use it when I drank.  When I first started to sober up, I avoided it because I felt it triggered me to drink.  So during drinking periods I would use it, but would abstain during periods of sobriety.  This summer I discovered that I could use a vape pen (mildly alters the mind) and not be triggered.

It was nice, that I could do that at a party where everyone is drinking and alter my mind a little.  But it wasn’t limited to parties and I started to do it all the time.  Even though it doesn’t have nearly the amount of repercussions as alcohol does, it still feels like I’m going down that rabbit hole.

I think this might be a huge part of my problem along with the other lifestyle changes.  Taking in our nephew has also created extra stress and I’m sure that’s a factor as well.  As long as I’m not taking care of myself and continuing to shove in food and drugs, I would imagine NOT being able to cope with stress, at least properly.

Sooooo…. looks like I have some work to do. I want to make these changes first but realize that I might still need anxiety meds, we’ll see.

It’s Day 287 alcohol free today, I’m thankful for that! 🖤

Hope you all are having a great week!

 

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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