Today is day 263 alcohol free! I think, most definitely, the hardest thing right now is coping with the cold and holidays without numbing out. I first tried to get sober in 2017 and ended up drinking over Thanksgiving, and some on the holiday break but not on Christmas/Christmas eve. In 2018 I was able to stay sober during Thanksgiving, but helped myself to my dad’s vodka on Christmas eve. THIS year I plan to stay sober until it’s all over, but admit that these past couple of weeks have been extremely trying.
I guess I haven’t written since that wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. The one where my MIL was angry and vented to me– which I soaked up and in return poured out my heart, all of which was probably chewed up and spit out like a lump of tasteless gum– if I’m very lucky, maybe I planted a seed, but highly doubt it given her emotional distraughtness. I haven’t seen her since, and don’t plan to anytime soon, I’m in need of major boundaries and going to protect my sobriety 100%. I came to a hard and sad realization that weekend, after hearing a conversation between my husband and his father. I want to say that I’ll never forgive them– but it’s not that. I’m not really angry at them, I just don’t want anything to do with them– not anytime soon anyways.
Hubby flip-flops on the subject, and that is making me crazy also. We typically spend Christmas Day at his parents house. Since Thanksgiving I’ve been stressing out about Christmas Day. I don’t want to go over there, it’s the last place I want to go. But I also didn’t want to spend Christmas alone.
Since then, we talked about going away for that week, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I really don’t want to go away, I have a lot to do here. I decided that on Christmas Day, I’m going to stay home alone and do all of my favorite things. I’m actually looking forward to it now.
Even though the Thanksgiving holiday was super gross, I made it a great weekend. The next day in all of my sadness and irritation, I got on my treadmill and ran a full 5K! This is something that I’ve never done–could have but never pushed myself. It may have taken me 55 minutes, but HEY that’s 55 minutes that I was in a slow jog burning more calories than walking! Running a full 5K was on my 2019 bucket list and I felt elated to cross it off. Since then, I’ve been ramping up my runs and want to sign up for a half marathon in Feb or March. The running thing is probably the #1 reason why I am able to almost keep it together currently– it is so good for my mental state and I love it.
Anyways, that’s all I’ve got. Definitely just taking it one day at a time right now <3