Today marks the 7th month I’ve been alcohol free. Sometimes I go back to that last Day 1. It was horrendous. I can remember the shame in my heart and the tears in my eyes as I talked to my sister on the way into work. I did not tell her how awful I felt and that I was finally done with alcohol. The workday was painful– both physically and emotionally. My head pounded, my skin was clammy and sweaty and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. My hubby has never threatened to leave me, but I was sure that day that he would decide that he was done with me.
That horrible day had a nice ending. It was a mild and sunny day in late March and after work hubby and I went for a bike ride and stopped at a restaurant for dinner. I opened up and told him that I was DONE drinking and that I wanted any last drop of alcohol out of the house. I went to bed feeling more optimistic than I had in awhile. That awful, horrible day 1 helped get me through the first few weeks– the weeks in which I was famous for saying F*** it.
Seven months later and I can’t believe how far I’ve come. Not just in these 7 months, but since 2016 when I first started thinking about my drinking and deciding that I needed to make some changes. The process for me was pretty long, but very productive. I am SO grateful every single day <3
I think the biggest change I’ve made is not feeling so shameful about my recovery. I plan to come out on facebook when I get to about a year. I’ve already posted things here and there about being alcohol free. I only do it for one reason. I have a lot of friends/family who are big drinkers, and many have been for a long time. I want to be an example and for them to see me looking and doing well and hopefully I can plant a seed. A seed that persuades them to question their drinking. That’s how it started with me, questioning my drinking and wondering how my life would be without it. This “questioning” phase and wanting to quit– but having no idea how– lasted almost a year. Finding sober groups and sober people is what helped me to take the first plunge into sobriety. I hope to be that positive light for those who are still suffering.
I’ve also started writing a sobriety book. Up until recently it was a distant thought of something I may or may not pursue in the future. Of course I hope to publish a book that ultimately helps someone, but really I’m doing it for me. I’m pretty terrified of sharing my story and having people that I actually know read it, so I’ve been sharing my blog more to real life people to help break down my walls of paranoia. It’s working <3
So that’s that <3