200 Days Without Alcohol

For the most part, I am feeling really good!

I feel that I’ve made tremendous emotional and spiritual growth since first getting sober in 2017.  I want to reflect today.  I’ve been thinking a lot about the many intrinsic thoughts that have changed for me– all in very good ways.  I used to have so many beliefs that just aren’t true for me anymore.  I don’t even know how I learned all of this, I think these all are byproducts of cleaning out the inside of my house, AKA my soul.

I used to think and believe many things that were mostly negative towards myself or others.  Those beliefs were unhealthy and unproductive, and although I didn’t see it at the time but I can see now how those thoughts made me sad, lonely and miserable.

 

I used to believe….. Now I believe….
That my hubby would love me more if I lost 20 pounds, or if I had long hair or was prettier.. My hubby would love me just as much even if I lost my legs, or burned half my body.  Our love is much deeper than our outside shell.
It is my fault if someone is mad at me.  If I have done nothing wrong (which was usually the case when analyzing people’s anger towards me), then their emotions are 100% about them.  Knowing this, I simply no longer worry if people are mad at me. It no longer takes up mental space, which is great because they are negative thoughts, and I don’t have extra room for meaningless negative thoughts.  
If someone does not like me, I need to reflect on me and why I’m not likable.   No, no and no!  If someone does not like me, than they do not like me.  Period. That’s about them, not me and they are entitled to their own opinion.  But it’s all them, I won’t allow it to take a second of my energy.  
My elders who are regularly duped and/or taken advantage of (by their loved ones) will wake up someday and realize the truth.  Some people will always be blinded by love.  Many of them will go to their graves without seeing my truth. That is ok.  My truth is mine, their truth is theirs.  
When something awful (and out of my control) happens, I must think about it constantly and run through different scenarios in my head. I can’t help it if negative thoughts are taking over my brain.  It was a traumatic situation and I can’t just NOT think about it. I don’t allow thought worms to take over my brain.  I will thank them and then send them on their way. Awful situations bring enough negativity, I will not let negative thoughts take over my brain.  My brain and my thoughts are mine and I now have the ability to quiet them down.  
Life is overwhelming and I can’t do hard things.   Life is hard, but so am I. I can do things that seemed impossible yesterday.  EVERYTHING in life, big or small, is accomplished with small steps. I can always put one foot in front of the other.  

 

I think one things that helped me the most with changing my negative internal beliefs is The Four Agreements book*.  Changing these negative, limiting and harmful beliefs have made me a happier and more productive person.

I have a lot more to learn, and a whole lifetime to learn it <3

 

*listed below are my Cliff notes version of the book.  I am an emerging technology student, and was unable to provide a real link, so you need to copy and paste in your browser

https://thedevildrinksvodka.com/2019/06/24/the-four-agreements-rule-1-be-impeccable-with-your-word/

https://thedevildrinksvodka.com/2019/07/22/the-four-agreements-the-second-agreement-dont-take-anything-personally/

https://thedevildrinksvodka.com/2019/08/03/the-four-agreements-agreement-3-dont-make-assumptions/

https://thedevildrinksvodka.com/2019/08/16/the-four-agreements-agreement-4-always-do-your-best/

 

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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