As a mom of older kids (16 and 11), we don’t hit milestones often anymore. That makes them that more exciting when they do happen. A big one happened last week, one that I have been eagerly but patiently waiting for. One that I knew would probably open up a can of worms that is better left closed– or at least the longer the better. A girl.
Boys are funny and seem to work in one of 2 ways. You have the early bloomers who tend to find a girlfriend in 1st or 2nd grade. I have a couple nephews like this, and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s like the Macklemore song “Same Love” when the lyrics say, “Ben you’ve loved girls since before Pre-K!” Then you have late bloomers who wait until 16, 17 or sometimes even later to even want to date. The nice thing about having younger boys who love girls is that as a parent you get used to it when it’s not so intimidating.
One thing that surprised me was how anxious I felt to meet her, and it was a real eye opener. She came over on Tuesday for dinner, so I had all day to think about it. My son was making dinner, so at least I didn’t have to worry about impressing her with my mad cooking skills.
My son cleaned the house pretty well, but I was thinking about extra things I should do, plus give the dog a bath. Then I thought about the time I met my MIL in what is now our house. I was pretty nervous to meet her. I don’t have a great memory, but can pretty much guarantee that I was NOT concerned with how clean their house was. Then I wondered if MY MIL was nervous to meet me. THAT thought had never ever crossed my mind.
She walked home with him from school and they were watching a movie when I got home. I did a few things waiting for them to come upstairs, but they didn’t so I went down there. Holy awkwardness! I have a newfound appreciation for my in laws. In fact, my MIL said something to me and my future hubby the 1st or 2nd time I met her and I was resentful for it up until my 1st step 4. I realize now that it was said probably out of nervousness/awkwardness and not to hurt my feelings. Quite honestly, that was like my 1st impression of his mother and I think that incident caused me to build up some heavy walls that still contain bare bones. Yeah, much of the wall has come down over the years, but I still have the frame, just in case. I AM working on taking that down too, one step at a time.
The girl friend was very nice and impressed us. Our son seemed himself around her and they had an ease about them. After she left he was ALL smiles, which I thought was incredibly endearing.
That night and the days that followed, my Thought Worms were out of control. I mean, I did a pretty good job reining them in, BUT why were they there to begin with??? GUYS, I can’t tell you how anxious I was about this girl, but in unexpected ways. I knew my kid is super into her, but I was instantly afraid that she was going to run from him as fast as she can because his parents are soooooooo weird, and strange and cooky and every other negative attribute out there.
I’ve thought about the day I meet the first girl many times. Never did I expect to feel responsible for making or breaking the relationship. BUT, now it’s several days later and I no longer feel worried about this, thank goodness. The Thought Worms have pretty much gone regarding this entire situation, but it was really strange so I wanted to make sure I write it down.
Homecoming was last night and the new couple went and had a great time. Hubby and I had the night to ourselves, as our youngest was a friend’s for the night. Now get this, hubby and I have never been helicopter parents. Especially with our oldest, we had him young and early in our marriage, so he practically raised himself. With this newfound thing we have become helicopter parents.
Our son went out to dinner with his gal pal and then to her house for pics before the dance. Our nephew was staying at our house until the dance so we took him out to dinner and then dropped him at the dance. But we didn’t leave. We waited, watching for a glimpse of our kiddo. We watched them walk in and at that point I would have paid money to be a fly on the wall or a chaperone. I know hubby felt the same, we didn’t want to leave. And before you start thinking that we are completely psycho, we DID have a good reason to stick around until he got there. He’s diabetic and had his diabetic bag for dinner (he needs insulin with meals). I was texting him to make sure he didn’t want us to grab his bag so he didn’t have to worry about it (yeah yeah, excuses excuses).
The dance was a ton of fun for the kids, and we enjoyed hearing their stories (OH to be in high school again). Our son and his friend seem pretty attached, but we’ll see what happens. In the beginning of the week I felt almost panicked about one of them getting their feelings hurt, especially mine. But now, I just feel happy for them and grateful that even if they don’t last long it’ll be a learning experience and necessary. Of course I don’t want my kid’s heart hurt, but at the same time, I don’t want him to hurt hers either.
Overall, the past week was fantastic and I felt high vibey pretty much the whole week. I got up 4 days and walk/ran before work. I went on a couple bike rides. I ate healthy and actually had a lot of energy. And BEST of all, I am almost down to the weight I was when I first tried sobriety back in February 2017. In 2 1/2 years, I put on over 20 pounds, probably mostly from eating a lot of sugar during early sobriety, plus my foot/ankle being bad and being on pred from fall 2018-summer 2019 didn’t help my weight. Really, I am feeling SO good right now, and SO grateful <3
Yesterday was the low point. I had an early appointment to see Dr. Jones with Jules. He just needed routine vaccines and I was so happy to go in for routine stuff (he had SO many tests over the summer, each one was stressful to him and caused me anxiety until getting the results). His weight is down a little, we are active and he appears healthy. While examining him, she discovered one of his paw pads is thickened and feels like a mass. It could be cancer. If it is, they will take off his toe and he will more than likely be ok. BUT STILL. COME ON. Can’t we have ONE healthy visit??? But I guess, all his summer tests all checked out clear so technically his previous visit WAS a healthy one. The weird thing is, these are my dog’s ailments: allergies and/or food sensitivities, obesity, fatty liver, toe problems. We have matching symptoms! I have food sensitivities, am overweight, I’m SURE my liver was not in great shape when I was drinking AND my toes are bad with my arthritis. How cute.
Despite this unexpected news, I am ok. She scraped his pad and sent it to the lab. WE will get results on Tuesday or Wednesday. We will deal with whatever it is. We will do whatever we can for him medically. He has lived 5 full and wonderful years with us. I hope he has many many many more, but know that that is not in our control <3
I look back to old posts about Jules. His hurt back, and his problems over the summer and I am able to see and appreciate my emotional and spiritual growth. I am grateful for that.
Ok, I better end this. It’s Sunday morning and I have SO much to do today!! Our basement spare room got flooded a little and has some water damage. We are having the leak fixed and in the meantime have to gut the room. It’s a good thing, because we’ve been wanting to redo the room and make it bigger. Below is the mess that I am waking up to. Sadly, I also have some homework due at midnight and need to do that before I even start helping downstairs.
The old me would be SOOOOOOOOO stressed about all of this. The dog, the leak, the basement, the mess, it being Sunday, etc etc. The new me feels slightly pressurized but not overly stressed. We will GET IT DONE.
I don’t even feel crabby about it all, just grateful and that makes my heart feel happy & full