The Four Agreements: Agreement 3 – Don’t Make Assumptions


Kay has met the man of her dreams!  I mean, he’s cute, he has a good job and a nice house and he’s super sweet.  There’s only 1 red flag.  He goes out to the bar for drinks with his friends nearly every single night. Kay wants him to spend more time with her at night, but tells herself that it’s not a problem and that as they fall deeper in love, his love of spending time with friends will lessen and he will spend more nights with her. 

Kay had plans with her best friend on her birthday, but was left stood up at the restaurant.  She called and texted her friend Amy multiple times but it had gone to voicemail.  Kay immediately thought of the text message she sent to Amy yesterday and wondered if Amy took it seriously (it was a total joke), after all, she never texted back.  She waited 15 more minutes and finally left the restaurant thinking that Amy ditched her.  Kay was hurt and angry at Amy, after all, it was her birthday and it was mean to stand her up.  Kay stewed about it until that evening when Amy called.  She had forgotten her phone and had to go assist her mom immediately who was having a medical crisis.  Plans with Kay had totally slipped her mind when she got the call about her mom.  

Both are very different situations, but in both Kay has made assumptions that can cause emotional turmoil.  This is a habit worth exploring.  The italic statements are powerful declarations taken right from the chapter of this book.

We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything.  We make assumptions, then take it personally, then blame them and then we react by sending emotional poison with our word.  

We make assumptions everyday about everyone and every situation.  We just DO. 

All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally.

We create a lot of emotional poison just by making assumptions and taking it personally, because usually we start gossiping about our assumptions.

Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and we don’t have to say what we want.  Then we feel hurt and say, “you should have known.”

We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions. 

We have agreed that it is not safe to ask questions; we have agreed that if people love us then they should know what we want or how we feel. 

To stop making assumptions sounds easy, but can be difficult to do.  It is difficult because we often do exactly the opposite.  We have these habits and routines that we aren’t even aware of.  Understanding the importance of this agreement and becoming aware of our habits is the first step.  

The day your stop making assumptions you will communicate cleanly and clearly, free of emotional poison.  

Without making assumptions, your word becomes impeccable

Just imagine the day that you stop making assumptions with your partner and eventually with everyone else in your life.  Your way of communicating will change completely, and your relationships will no longer suffer from conflicts created by mistaken assumptions.  

I hope this gives you something to think about.  Pick up the book if you are compelled to do so <3

Published by Organic Revival

I am a mom of boys, wife, furmom, gardner, walker, runner, teacher, reader, writer and cook. I am 42 years old and live in the beautiful state of Michigan. I love my job as an elementary special education teacher. The most remarkable quality of mine is that I'm a recovering alcoholic.

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