It is Sunday morning here– and I am on day 116 alcohol free. I am feeling pretty dang good about it too. I just passed my biggest test to date and am probably still relishing in the feeling of success.
Last Saturday my sister came up from Florida for the week. The weekend was full of festivities including a graduation party for one of my nephews and a graduation dinner for my other nephew– both events contained disgusting amounts of poison juice, but I stayed away.
After the weekend of festivities, my sisters and our kids went up north for the week. At the cottage, alcohol Was. Everywhere. I knew early on that I was making huge strides making it through. My previous relapses helped me stay on course. In the summer 2017 I relapsed after 93 days of sobriety. I would continue to drink on and off– stuck in the cycle clear until March 2018 when I was able to get another good sober stretch in. I relapsed in July 2018 after 127 days of sobriety. Things in my life all around me seemed out of control and I chose to drink after scout camp with my sister up north. Again, I wasn’t able to get back on track until March of 2019. ALL of these relapses where it takes me several months to get back on course— SO MUCH WASTED TIME. All I knew this week is that I DID NOT WANT TO RELAPSE and get stuck in that cycle. SO I DIDN’T.
The week up north was just absolutely perfect. The weather could not have been better. We had hot sunny days and cool nights. The kids got along beautifully and in retrospect I can’t even think of any of them arguing with each other– at any time– which is rare when you stay together in a small space for several days. My Florida sister hadn’t been to the cottage in 3 years. We haven’t all 3 been together in at least 3 years. We had a grand time. And we slept like a pile of logs too.
My sister flew home yesterday and I just felt the backdrop of sadness all day long. It’s a little better today, probably because we chatted like normal before she starts her work. I know it’ll get better– but her heading home was a reminder of how these days are SO different than the carefree days of our past when our life was still complete, untouched by grief.
On the day we left the cottage, we woke up to a lot of rain, as if the quiet town of Tawas was crying. We had one last get together at my dad’s on Friday night. The weather was like my mood– bittersweet. I was happy that we all had such a great week but sad to see it come to an end. It rained, then the sun came out and there was a giant double rainbow. It was the same weather yesterday, the day she flew home. Rainy then sunny and sometimes all at the same time.
Such is life… bittersweet <3