I hate today. I will always hate today.
5 years ago I was up north with my little family waiting for our extended family to join us. On July 2nd I got a call that my mom was in the ER and needed emergency surgery for a perforated bowel.
I wanted to get the F out of Walmart (we were shopping for groceries when we got the call) and go straight to the hospital almost 3 hours away. Hubby was more optimistic. He thought she might even feel well enough to make it up there by the weekend. We went back to the cottage and grabbed our essentials and headed down.
Hubby dropped me off at the hospital, picked up my nephew and took the kids home to entertain while my sisters and I waited and worried.
She went into the hospital in severe pain, but they had 2 or 3 surgeries ahead of her (one we would later find out was an elective surgery– but they did it before her anyways) so they didn’t get to her surgery until the evening. She survived the surgery, but we left knowing that she had a very long recovery to go.
We went back to her house and we drank like fish. We laughed, cried and talked about how we were all going to get pregnant together. We finally went to sleep around 3am. We woke up to our phones ringing around 4:30 to get back to the hospital because she was crashing.
When we got there, the ICU doctor took us into a very small room. She told us that our mom’s heart had stopped and they got it started again but it took a long time and felt like they were assaulting not saving her. She told us that our mom was on a medication right now that was keeping her alive, but they would eventually have to take her off. She also said that with her heart stopped for so long, they had no idea if there would be brain damage. We told her to go ahead and take her off the medication. It would be what our strong and independent mom would want.
We watched her die. It is just like in the movies. On top of that, the hospital plays a lullaby every time a baby is born. So as I watched my mom die, I listened to a new life coming into this world. It was eerily similar to the video for Live’s Lightning Crashes video.
That’s my story. Today is hard. I’ve always been with at least one sister, but today I am home alone with my kids. I am going out to lunch with my dad and then going to get my hair done.
Hubby is on vacation after today, and we will head up north either tonight or tomorrow.
I keep telling myself it is just a day, but it affects me even more than I know.
I just hate July 3rd. The End.