It’s a hot day, my windows are down and I am doing 90 on the freeway. I’m on my way to pick up three teenagers from a school event.  Nirvana is blaring on the radio.

Only it’s not 2019, it’s 1993.  I’m in my 1986 Sunbird with the windows down and Nirvana cranked up.  I am on my way to Hungry Howies to work my evening shift.  I am 16 and life is pretty simple.  Normal 16 year old worries– but simple.

I’m 72 days sober today, and still learning how to handle my emotions.  Music helps and feeling like I’m in my 16 year old shoes is therapeutic.

This week has been a rough one.  On Monday, I had a follow up visit for my puppy who could have a serious medical problem.  I took him to my well respected friend veterinarian who I worked with for many years in my young adulthood.  She was optimistic and told me to bring in a first of the morning urine sample on Friday long after the stress of the vet visit is long gone.  She called this afternoon and left a message that his specific gravity is low (hello kidney failure) and that she was still waiting on the cortisol/creatine ratio test.  No answers, but lots of unanswered questions.  He’s a MUTT and only 5, aren’t they supposed to be healthy?

On Wednesday, my youngest had some day old bug bites that were looking nasty.  After a day of treating with OTC stuff, I decided to take him to Urgent Care for peace of mind and so that I didn’t have to miss work if he did need antibiotics.  Urgent Care didn’t give him anything and misdiagnosed him with impetigo– and we were there for a good two hours.  SO.. he got worse at school the next day, and I had to take a half-day off work to take him to his regular pediatrician.  He is doing much better, thank goodness– but it was a very frustrating couple of days.

Work has been more than irritating.  We have to have our rooms packed up (renovation) by midnight of the last day of school.  SO.. the last day that we have kids, we have to be all packed up simultaneously.  The stress is high and there has been way more adult drama than I can stand.  Hallelujah that next week is the last week!

Today took the cake.  My sister in law, the one who lost her kids last summer, and who was doing good at winning them back, really messed up.  She is cleared to get her kids back but needs her own place first (she’s currently living with her brother).  Her parents cosigned on a nice 3 bedroom trailer and she is set to move in next weekend.  CPS is going to keep an eye on her and if she drinks at all she loses them for good.

She got arrested last night for DUI.

I have no idea what is going to happen next.  Her parents are beside themselves about to have a nervous breakdown.  They’ve put a whole year on hold to help her, all for her kids and the chance for them to be with their mom.

I miss age 16.  I miss worrying about parties and boys and high school finals.

So, I’m sitting on my deck writing this, listening to Nirvana with the same angst I had at age 16.  Being sad, but being ok with it.

 

2 thoughts on “All Apologies

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