Sixty days ago I woke up around 4:00 am in a puddle of piss– on school day no less. I changed and went back to sleep on the couch, trying to sleep off my ginormous headache.
To say I was physically impaired the next day is an understatement, although that wasn’t even my biggest ailment. The guilt and shame was far worse than the physical hangover. I showered, but still felt as though I smelled of pee all day long. Work was long, and awful and I was worried that my husband was going to leave me. When he texted asking a simple question, I was sure he was done.
In reality, he is far more forgiving. Despite the awful day, we had a nice evening. The weather was nice and we rode our bikes up to a local restaurant. During dinner, I leveled with him, telling him that I have to stop drinking and have to dump out all of the alcohol around the house.
Maybe that horrible awful day was a blessing. The final thing that made me finally realize that I cannot handle drinking. The day I surrendered. I AM powerless over alcohol– no doubt about it.
Fast forward to day 60. I am much healthier and happier today. I’ve had two other extended periods of sobriety (93 days in 2017 and 127 days in 2018), but this time has been my favorite yet. I just know in my heart of hearts, that I can’t go back. Even when my sister talks about visiting Michigan (she hasn’t been up here in about 3 years, maybe 4 I’m not sure) and we talk about going to a summer concert with the other sister (we haven’t all 3 been together in years), the first thing that I said is, “I can be the DD!” The desire of drinking didn’t even cross my mind (and hopefully it will stay that way). I thank God for this and pray that the strong will continues. Before I could have easily used my visiting sister as an excuse to binge, one last time.
It is Sunday of Memorial Day weekend. Yesterday we had GORGEOUS weather, but I don’t think we’ll be so lucky today and tomorrow. It’s going to be much cooler and rainy. Here are some pics of the weekend so far:
Nothing major, but all good things. Yesterday I took my youngest to a couple specialty stores (Fresh Thyme for produce and Trader Joes). Although he came grudgingly, he had a nice time picking out healthy and unhealthy vegan foods. It is truly the simple things that can be so good in life. I posted our dinner because it was plant based and delicious! I DO love this way of eating and it makes my heart happy.
Happy Memorial Day, and thank you to all of the soldiers who make daily sacrifices for our freedom <3