Yesterday was thanksgiving and I am thankful that the long day is over. The day was really nice with family, but also mentally exhausting. Thankfully, I wasn’t triggered and didn’t desire to drink after I got home (often at the in-laws I RUSH home to drink). I was a good listener tonight. Listened as my MIL ranted forever about the CPS system and how they are just baby brokers and trying to get them to fail as fosters and my sister-in-law to fail getting her kids back so they can adopt out the two little ones. (Thankfully, it seems like my SIL is getting her shit together, going to AA meetings, counselling, testing clean — they really do seem to be sabotaging her success, but then again I’m just hearing one side of the story).

The rest of the night was listening to my other sister in law cry and rant about her health. She has a slew of health problems and has recently been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. She has a ton of pain and also brain fog with severe thought disruption and memory loss. I feel SO bad for her and worry about her daughter (age 9). I’m not a huge fan of her hubby (my hubby’s brother) and wish he would deal with it better. I had so many mixed emotions listening to her– I was sad for her,worried for her, relieved I’m not going through all of THAT and guilty for feeling relieved, and SO thankful that I’m not in the beginning of my chronic illness journey– it is such a sad and scary place to be. It was seriously exhausting. I spoke about my recent visit with the holistic guy and maybe gave her a little hope?

I had my 2nd appointment with him yesterday. He said it would take 8 weeks to get rid of the viruses/infections I have. With the problems that I’m having with my feet he said that I also have gout. He gave me a couple things to get rid of it and said that gout makes your skin look old and that people would complement how much younger I look. He said I would notice a big difference in the pain pretty quickly. I’ve been trying not to wear my boot (after a couple incidents this past week I was starting to think that it was making it worse not better and really making my ankle stiff). I haven’t wore my boot at all since Tuesday and my foot feels quite a bit better! I think a little walk with the pooch is going to be a go for tomorrow. I haven’t walked him in many weeks so this is HUGE!!! I find it a total miracle that last weekend I was in a wheelchair afraid to over do it and now it seems the more I walk on it the better.

I totally think that alcohol caused the gout in my foot (it is a proven trigger for it). I was sober for over 100 days last summer and doing great. My RA then started to flare out of nowhere. My back and shoulders were extremely painful. It wasn’t RA though, it was the Parvo virus that moves around the body and causes inflammation in the joints. It kept getting worse, and then a series of stressful events (thought my niece had a miscarriage, my SIL getting her kids taken away, etc) led me to give up on my sobriety. It wasn’t until AFTER I started drinking that my foot got super painful. I’m assuming it was a gout flare due to the alcohol. It’s like a puzzle and all of the pieces are starting to come together. On a side note, this is proof that no way no how should I be drinking. It isn’t worth it for my health OR my sanity! I don’t even need to tell people that I’m an alcoholic– I’ll just say that I can’t drink or else I get gout. Right? 

The optimism that I am feeling has been long over do and such a welcomed relief.  I’ve also quit taking marijuana edibles.  I’ve been taking them not only for pain but for the mind buzz also.  Because of this I’ve slept really awfully the last couple nights but know that my brain and body will adjust and I’ll sleep great again once I get used to going to bed without a buzz.  I’m not against other people taking them, but for me it makes me snappy at my family and also can trigger me to drink– so it’s not worth it.  Plus, I want to see what my body does as it heals with as little pain meds as possible.  I’ve been also trying to stay away from OTC pain pills and have been getting away with taking an Aleve here or there, but not the 800 mg of Motrin that I used to take multiple times a day.

I mainly wanted to talk about my doctor visit because I am really excited that I am finally getting somewhere. I even bought a new sports bra today (killer deal online!) because I have faith that I’ll be able to start running again soon. I hope you guys had a great holiday and were able to stay sober   

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