November 3, 2018

Sometimes it truly takes everything coming to a head to gain the momentum for real change.  I am at that point.

I’ve felt an enormous amount of stress this week from a variety of factors.

#1 Offender: My job.  Work is usually low stress for me.  I usually don’t have a ton of work to bring home, except maybe during times that deadlines are looming.  This weekend is an exception.  I have to teach a training all day Monday to our new special education teachers, on a curriculum that we teach to struggling readers.  On Tuesday, I’m presenting to other teachers in the district (topic is teaching syllabication and using that to help struggling readers).  I’m teaching both with my old mentor, but it’s still stressful.  I want to do a good job and can’t stop thinking of ways that we can make it better.

On top of this, I have an ugly situation I’m dealing with at school.  It’s involving one of my students, who #1 I am worried about depression and #2 she is increasingly NOT able to get along with most of the other 5th graders and we’ve been dealing with conflicts this entire school year.  Her mom is hard to reach, and I finally heard from her via email yesterday and my request for a meeting was denied due to her crazy work hours.  I need to speak with her on the phone or in person, but with these trainings I won’t be at school until Tuesday afternoon.

Student growth goals were due last week and report cards are due next week and I haven’t started any of it.

All. Of. This. Work. Stuff.

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#2 Offender: My health.  This stress is easily pushed to the side of my brain.  In fact, I’ve been pushing it to the side for several weeks now and trying not to overthink.  I have a large boot on my foot that I have to keep on even when I’m sleeping.  It’s been almost two weeks and my foot was feeling a lot better, but I think I overdid it on Halloween and it’s been painful yesterday and today.  Waking-up-throbbing painful.  I’m worried because my recheck in on Monday.  The foot doctor (and his entire staff) is a giant douche bag who I don’t trust.  He said if it wasn’t better he would need to put a real cast on it. I’m not convinced the pain and swelling is from fractors, I think it’s just my RA flaring.  So, if he wants to do a cast I’ll probably argue with him.  I need to find another foot doctor.  I just don’t know how my appointment is going to go, what he is going to say and if I’m going to listen to him, argue with him, or just walk out.   I’m going to try to rest it this weekend and hoping that it starts to feel better.  I’ve spent a good part of this week feeling like I was 41 going on 81 and feeling the need to have a major meltdown over it, but pushing that all aside.

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#3 Offender: Toxins.  I’m still allowing them into my life.  I know that I need to clean up and detoxify myself.  It’s all so very overwhelming.  I DID find a doctor who is local but well known throughout the nation.  He will look at my ailments and treat me with a holistic approach.  The catch is that I don’t know how quickly I can get in to see him.  The person who takes new patients is only there a couple of days a week and I’ve been playing phone tag with her since last week.  I’m hoping I can get in before the new year.  I probably will start the AIP diet again soon, possibly with some variations (may start with Whole 30 or Paleo, which are slightly less restrictive).

Alcohol is still an issue, but I know I have to get it out of my life.  I haven’t drank since Halloween and am really enjoying this sober weekend.  I’m trying to focus constantly on the positives of being sober vs. the miseries of drinking– sobriety is clearly a better choice for me– it’s just a matter of sticking to it especially during the times that my life is feeling out of control.

That’s all I have.  I’ve wanted to write since the last post, but it is hard to figure out what to say when your life feels like it is going around in an endless circle.  I am hopeful that I can get myself together and will find the right people who can help me.  God is good and He will watch over me ❤

3 thoughts on “Turbulent Cycle

  1. My personal experience is that the endless cycle is fueled by alcohol.
    I didn’t drink every day, but weekend drinking impacted my weekly anxiety, health and thoughts.
    Work became overwhelming. Food/wellness/health were constant struggles to try a million things.
    In the end, there is no natural remedy available that can hold a candle to the damage alcohol does. It over shadows them all.

    Once it was gone I could actually see where my issues were and how I could resolve some of them.

    Start there. Find whatever support you need to cut out the alcohol. See what happens.

    Hugs. That’s endless cycle is very very tiring.

    Anne

    Liked by 2 people

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