Epiphany Part II
Back in early June I wrote about an epiphany I had while on a bike ride. In short, a strong thought entered my head to buy the house my inlaws were about to put on the market. It was shortly after my mom’s death and it was a pretty strong and clear message. It scared me a little because I wasn’t sure what the purpose was and thought that maybe one of us (me, hubby or one of the kids) was going to die and we would need the support of family members nearby.
We’ve had a difficult situation brewing in my husband’s family. In May, my mother and father in law were called up from Florida because CPS had taken their grandkids (My hubby’s sister’s kids). His sister had left her husband and moved out of the house. At some point, CPS was called and intervened and he was deemed an unfit parent. My inlaws rushed back to Michigan from Florida to get the kids. They helped the sister and her kids get into a shelter for abused and battered women. The kids were not in good shape, they were neglected and dirty.
So up until now, they’ve been trying to help the sister get her life under control, get a job and get out of the shelter.
Last week CPS deemed her unfit and took the kids from her. She has lost them for at least 12 months and if it drags to 18 she will lose them permanently.
My MIL and FIL have temporary custody and plan to keep them for the 12 months. They are in their 60’s and are completely exhausted whenever they have taken these kids for short periods of time. I have no idea how they will manage 12 months! Before the sister lost them and this became reality, we have talked about taking them. We shy away for numerous reasons (we don’t have enough bedrooms/space, they are very needy and can be difficult due to the trauma they’ve endured, the needs of our own kids, having to deal and basically because we’re not sure that we are fit to do it, physically, emotionally, mentally…).
I was driving home from the cottage yesterday when my mind started wandering. It became clear as day to me that we NEED to step up for these kids. We have a basic 3 bedroom ranch, but can ADD space. We have a strong marriage and decent parenting skills (not to brag, I know there are areas that we can improve on– but our boys are healthy, happy and well adjusted kids). My job as a special ed teacher will help me advocate for them in school– as I’m sure that they will have certain struggles related to their past. NOT doing it because we are scared or worried about failing is not an option.
So.. that’s that.
Is it going to happen? I have no idea. In a perfect world things would move quickly, but my inlaws have spent the past week going through very rigorous demands by CPS in order to be granted custody.
I need to have an in depth conversation with hubby about it (I mentioned it quickly yesterday but our friends were visiting for the night, and we didn’t really get a chance to talk about it). We need to talk to his parents, who might not agree with it and that is ok too. We need to make plans to add a 2nd story. There are a lot of factors, but I know that the Universe and God will guide me and all I need to do is to be aware and pay attention. Whatever is supposed to happen WILL happen, and I can live peacefully knowing that.
The kids are 14, 5 and 4 by the way.
One week ago I started drinking again. I hate writing that, saying that, thinking about that.
I think it had to do with control. There was a lot going on that I had no control over. I spent the past few weeks white knuckling it and had not kept up on my recovery tools and activities. I was so tired of not having control over things– including my own thoughts that were telling me to drink. Deciding to drink felt like it was the one thing that I could control. I realize that this paragraph makes very little sense. In recovery they say that you are either working on recovery or a relapse and I can see where my focus shifted.
The good news is that after drinking several days this past week, I am so incredibly excited to get back on track. There is so much misery to active addiction– physically, mentally, spiritually. I miss the AF me! I cannot wait to get back to being physically active, strengthening my spiritual practices and living with that feeling of peace that comes from being substance free. I’ve proven that I can do it and be happy and free <3