Life is filled with highs and lows. I used to use it all as an excuse to drink.
Promotion? Celebrate! Stressful day? Drink it away! Upcoming nerve racking appointment or procedure? Drink! Hanging with the girls? Cheers!
It was all an excuse to drink. I’m thankful that this isn’t my life right now. The crutch which can hold you deep within its grasp is non-existent to me right now– and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Lots of highs this past week
We spent last week up north with family. It was tiring, but nice. It was the week of the 4th of July. We got new beds for the cottage (sleeping is SO much better!), rented a pontoon boat (SO much fun!) and the weather could not have been better. We went to Luzerne, after not visiting for about 2 years. We got to visit dad and my kids stayed the night with him and got to ride the quads. Hubby and I got in 2 decent bike rides, which was nice.
Lots of lows too
The anniversary of my mom’s death was on July 3rd– always a difficult day. This is the day we rented a boat, so I guess it was a mixed bag. We were thankful to be with family and having a great time.
I was trying to forget about real life up north, but my dad is having a long heart procedure today (Monday July 9th) and I have an appointment with a hematologist tomorrow, which I’ve been anxious and dreading. It all was in the back of my mind. And sadly, on the 4th I almost threw in my sobriety towel. I would have thrown away over 100 days! My dad had our kids and hubby and sister and I went to a karaoke bar and I felt like drinking. I was the DD and did not drink at all. I still had fun, so I suppose it was a success, but I still can’t believe that I almost listened to that witch Betsy! Thought she was dead already!
The waiting game
Oldest sister and I have been at the hospital since 6:30 am. It’s almost noon. Dad is half-way done with his procedure. Things are going good so far. I am praying hard that this will fix his afib. Afib is awful and when his heart is out of rhythm he can hardly breathe.
I’m running on about 3 hours of sleep. Slept at dad’s last night so that we could get him here nice and early. Couldn’t sleep due to being in an unfamiliar place and having anxiety about today. We lost our mom in July after she had surgery. Can’t even imagine losing another parent right now.
I’m trying to live in the moment, relax and not play a horror story in my head that hasn’t happened. That’s easier said than done.
I’d just like today to be over and everything to be ok. Even better after my appointment is done tomorrow. Hopefully they will give me an oral iron supplement– or worse case iron infusions. I hope they don’t need to test my bone marrow or find blood cancer! (there I go again, making up a horror story– nonsense!!!).
Ok– just wanted to give a quick update.
Overall this has been my favorite summer so far. Besides that one small spell, I haven’t been in a funk and am in a good place physically, spiritually and mentally. Today is day 108 and if you would have told me a few years ago that I would have a summer of no drinking and it would be my happiest summer yet, I would have told you to shut the front door!