Friday June 8, 2018
These past few weeks have been pretty crazy. Between work (end of the year tasks to accomplish), end of the year concerts, ceremonies and other commitments/picnics/parties, I feel like I’m on an endless merry-go-round. I actually took a sick day today #1 for my mental health and #2 so that I could attend my son’s mini society market at school. It is so nice to be off on this beautiful Friday– especially knowing that next week is the last week of school. The last week or two is always my favorite. I almost don’t want it to end because it seems that the moment summer vacation begins it is over and time for the busy fall. I just want to sit here for a long while, enjoying the early June days 🙂
Today is Day 77. Betsy has been yipping in my ear lately. I’ve held her at bay, but thinking of drinking this often is very unsettling. I really need to get to some meetings after next week and work on finding a sponsor. I’ve also been thinking about losing people lately. I can’t say with confidence that if I lost an immediate family member that I can remain sober. I hate writing that, but it is truly how I feel. THIS is how I would like to feel: I can’t control what happens to me or my loved ones all the time. God has a plan and I don’t know what that entails, but know that he will help me get through the tough times— always. The next time I lose someone that I love, I can grieve without alcohol– or I can pick up the bottle again. Drinking will not make it better– in fact, it will just make everything so much harder. I know that during the toughest times of my life, God will help me make it through without picking up a drink, I trust him.
I feel like because I don’t fully trust myself in that situation– I need to work on my recovery harder. To me, that looks like going to meetings, making connections and finding a sponsor.
BUT.. regardless of those random thoughts, I am enjoying life very much right now. We’ve been able to take 10 + mile bike rides at least a few times per week. I’ve also been swimming as much as the weather will allow. I’ve been doing more walking than running and know that I really need to up my running game.
I had a bi yearly visit with my rheumatologist last week, and it went well. It was a little bit of a wake up call actually. I felt grateful as I saw a woman in the waiting room who look to be about my age, but used a walker to get around. In the lab area, I spotted another woman with a cane who also was in my age range, but was super slow to get up and move around.
I also felt grateful as the diligent Dr. Qazi questioned me about previous ailments. My knees? No pain. My shoulders? No pain. My feet? Ehhh… somewhat painful when I first get up or if I’m wearing the wrong shoes.. but I get around fine and can run on them so I feel LUCKY and grateful.. they are my biggest source of discomfort but I’m not complaining— they aren’t holding me back. My psoriasis? Oooh I forgot I had the big red blotchy patches all over my midsection for awhile. No psoriasis for awhile now! My hands? They’re fine. Fingers? Fine. It felt good to tell her that it is nothing for me to walk/run 5K before work and then do a 10 mile bike ride afterwards. And work? Yep she asked about that too– I can manage my full work duties without my Rheumatoid Arthritis interfering.
I left her office feeling So. Incredibly. Grateful.
I wonder how much the 77 days of no poison is impacting the absence of the symptoms I had experienced in the past? I’m not going to worry about the answer, but just keep doing what I’m doing!
So there. That’s that. I hope you all are doing well and having a wonderful June so far <3