A natural consequence of losing my mom suddenly was becoming much more spiritual and aware of unearthly phenomenon.
During the summer that she passed, I was in my backyard scrolling through Facebook when I saw a post from my cousin that was a picture of small purple flower with the caption “Does anyone know what this is?”
I don’t know many flowers, hardly the basics, but a fleeting thought passed through my brain “crokus.” It was so weird and random and I had no idea where it came from.
I looked at the comments and sure enough, it was a crokus. I determined that my mom was with me, in spirit, and had whispered the name into my ear (she was a flower guru). What else could it have been?
I’m also pretty sure that my angel mom had something to do with an enormous epiphany that I experienced shortly after the crokus incident.
About a month after she passed it was a Saturday morning in early August and we had plans to pack up and head up north for the week. Usually when we’re heading up north I would be in a frenzy cleaning the house, getting the pets ready, watering the flowers, etc. This morning was different. For some reason I had this odd desire to go for a long bike ride (totally abnormal for me to do the day of a trip– but I went with it).
About a mile in, I had a vivid and random thought cross my mind. “We need to buy the ranch.”
My in laws had two houses, a farmhouse that they had fixed up and an adjacent ranch that they were now getting ready to put on the market. They bought the ranch over 20 years ago and had continued living there for the couple of years that it took them to fix up the farmhouse and my hubby had mentioned a couple of times throughout the years that maybe we should buy the ranch.
My answer was always a firm no. I wanted our forever home to be a more modern and open home and wanted to stay in the city we lived in. The ranch was small and boxy and the yard was too big to maintain– I liked our neat and immaculate city lot.
So.. when the thought and certainty of buying it came across my mind, I felt ecstatic. I rode the rest of the trip with an enormous amount of energy and excitement. I was so pumped to get home and tell hubby that we should buy it. It is the best definition and feeling of epiphany that I have ever, and probably will ever, had. I thought about it all the way home.
Hubby was less than excited when I ran through the door exclaiming my plans to relocate our current life. He wasn’t sure if we should do it– or if we could actually afford it. So we spent the next few weeks running the numbers and talking to our bank, adding up all of the expenses, comparing pros and cons, etc.
The trip up north after my epiphany was intriguing and sometimes agonizing. I thought about the possibility of moving to the ranch constantly– and couldn’t stop wondering if we would actually call it our home or not. I also wondered a great deal about why I had the epiphany.
Was this a premonition that something bad was going to happen to me? Was moving close to my inlaws insurance that my hubby and kids would be ok and taken care of? Or would something happen to my hubby or one of the kids? I had just suddenly lost my mom a month beforehand, so anxious thoughts of losing my loved ones unexpectedly were a common occurrence– and now I can see how these thoughts were normal given the time frame.
It ended up being a go and we moved the necessities in during Labor Day weekend, 2014. Moving in right before the start of school was one of the craziest things we’ve ever done. Our boys would be starting new schools, I would be going back to work and we would need to get the old house ready to sell– and we had a pretty young puppy.
Time sped by, like it tends to do and we had our old house on the market within a month. By November we had sold our old house and closed on the ranch.
It is 4 years later and I still think about the epiphany occasionally. I find this house incredibly peaceful. Everytime I walk through the kitchen and see deer in the backyard– or on the deck watching the small animals and birds in the yard– I am at total peace. The house isn’t great– it is old and boxy and some of it is outdated. But it is a sprawling ranch on a good chunk of land and I completely love it here <3