May 1, 2018: Day 40
There was a time not too long ago when the smallest bit of unexpected and/or undesirable events caused me to double check my wine supply, making sure I had plenty for the night– because I intended on drinking until I passed out right into bed.
It didn’t stop there though– that’s pretty much how I spent every night– whether I was celebrating, relaxing, socializing– or stressing out. I. Drank. Every. Night. Until I passed out and most mornings I didn’t remember going to bed.
I have no idea how my body even kept up. Some days I got through the day just by doing the minimum tasks possible. Often times I was crabby with my kids and any additional life “things” caused extreme anxiety and stress. My instinct, my quick fix was to get my chores done, and then DRINK. It gave me energy and helped me forget about the things I was so anxious about.
I would wake up the next day vowing to stop, that day was going to be the day. BUT, by 4-5 o’clock the craving was too strong to avoid. If I was out of booze I would run to the store and stock up. I would then do my chores before getting smashed.
I’m reflecting on these times because I’ve really realized these past two days is that I have come really far.
The past two weeks have brought on a lot of stress! An injured dog. A broken fridge (which happened to be newly stocked with food). A teenager with more than one E. Family issues that are severe but outside of my control. Four new students at work– one of which has been homeschooled for the past three years (since Pre-school– now in 2nd grade)– not ideal to throw her into a second grade classroom at the very end of a school year. Numerous meetings and obligations outside of school that make for long days.
I felt so grateful this morning. Grateful for getting through these long days without even thinking about drinking (no time, really..). Well, honestly it’s Tuesday and I DID think about drinking over the weekend. I’m not sure if it was the nice weather or accumulation of stressful situations during the week– or a combination of both. BUT– I didn’t drink and the urges have since subsided. AND, I thoroughly enjoyed waking up late on Saturday morning after a good 10 hours of good sleep 🙂
I am much happier dealing with the stress of everyday life without the need to get numb, pass out every night and attempt to navigate each day with a major hangover– reeking of toxins.
I am so grateful for where I’m at today and hopeful that I have a bright future ahead of me <3