This has been a really gross series of days– all since Friday. By the end of the work day today, Betsy was whispering sweet nothings into my ear and filling me with empty promises.
After work on Friday, I picked up my dog from daycare. As I was walking out, my dad called (which is kind of rare). After asking what I’m doing, my dad starts talking about how his heart is back into arrhythmia and that he has to leave next week to see my uncle who is at a rehabilitation hospital in Colorado– but he got the ok to travel.
I HATE that his heart is back into arrhythmia. We’ve been through this several times over the past year and a half. He’s had to have his heart shocked back into rhythm a handful of times and has to be on blood thinners (awful meds that make you weak)so that he doesn’t get a blood clot.
And, I HATE that he has to go to Colorado. He has asthma and has a hard time breathing because of the high altitude there. As his older brother, he needs to go for my uncle–who is having a hard time dealing with life right now and needs him there (recovering from a traumatic brain injury after getting hit by a car in January). I get it– but it doesn’t make me very happy– it gives me an overall uneasy feeling.
While he’s telling me all of this, I’m trying to get my dog into the car but he won’t jump in. I try to pick him up and he cries and his legs are shaking. “Crap!!” I’m thinking, “WTF happened???” Nothing out of the ordinary, according to the daycare, so they help me get him into the car and I’m off wondering what is wrong with him.
The weekend is pretty much a big crapshoot. The weather is nice and I got in a couple nice long bike rides, but that’s pretty much the best part. The pup was not doing much better on Saturday with intermittent pain so I took him to the vet who gave him a pain injection.
Sunday was still iffy. He wouldn’t walk up the stairs, but wanted to run around the backyard. Meanwhile I had been reading about a horrible back disease that’s prevalent in beagles and can cause paralysis and/or even death. So of course now I’m super anxious about him having this back disease. I picked up some oral pain meds today (Monday) because he only seems slightly better. I am praying that they do the trick and he recovers from this injury.
Hubby was sick Saturday night and most of the day on Sunday. He was up several times Saturday night getting sick in the bathroom (attached to our bedroom), therefore I was woken up throughout the night. Sunday was a gorgeous day and it’s a shame because he spent a majority of the day in the bathroom and couldn’t enjoy it. I am still praying that the rest of us don’t get the bug! I was worried about hubby’s health on Sunday as well as the dog. I couldn’t wait to escape this crazy house– by Sunday night I was ready for the weekend to end!
Today (Monday) work was tedious. I finally got help with my enormous caseload in the form of a substitute teacher who will be helping me Monday-Thursday. This is GREAT, although it creates an extra amount of pressure and work. I have to now plan my day, as well as hers. She is a former special education and 4th grade general education teacher. She knows many useful programs and is calm and sweet, yet firm. Today, I was having her watch me with lessons and she interrupted quite a few times to tell me how she did certain things (like short vowel sound signs).
I love that she is experienced and passionate about teaching, but by this afternoon I was feeling snippy with all of her advice. It wasn’t just about the lessons, she had advice about EVERYTHING.. including my dog’s painful episode. Again, I am completely grateful for her help and have great respect for her personally and professionally. My snippiness had more to do with the frustration from my personal life than with her.
My breaking point came at lunchtime. My own kids’ report cards were posted online last week. I hadn’t looked yet. I always take report cards with a grain of salt. My oldest gets A’s and B’s (mostly) and my youngest sometimes gets bad marks in the area of organization, works independently, things like that. I was shocked when I saw 2 E’s on my oldest’s card and sick to my stomach. Too much trust and freedom, and I was kicking myself for not checking his grades online periodically.
On the way home from work, Betsy was yapping her big mouth. NOT today Besty, NOT today. Your empty promises mean nothing to me, and I need to sort out all of this messiness with a clear mind and able body, knowing that my HP has my back.
Perhaps this is what step 2 is all about?